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I'd just like to say that I'm not big on parents sharing financial problems with children, no matter how watered down parents make it.
These are big people worries to put on children.
I read once that children worry their parents won't be able to provide for them when they hear their parents talk about money problems.
Parents can instill frugality in their children without lack of funds being the reason. Just good money management is reason enough to be frugal.
We're saving for college, saving for a car, saving for a rainy day----all better explanations for cutting back overall.
Granted, to suddenly change Christmas is tricky, but I think it would be best to focus more on the meaning of Christmas---get back to God type explanations.
For those who still believe in Santa, I wouldn't say anything.
I'd just buy one big wish and the rest of the gifts would be less expensive to make it appear bigger.
As for any kids who received EVERYTHING on their lists in the past, I'd say the parents were off their rockers even when they had the money!
We are trying to change the focus of the holidays this year too. Not for money reasons, just because I think it gets too commercial and gimme, gimme. I am trying to do a lot of homemade stuff this year. My kids are young enough that they won't know the difference - it's the rest of the family (my parents, siblings, in-laws) that I have to worry about.
I have been amazed at how good our kids have been with budgeting. We recently started them on allowances (they are 5 and 7). Our eldest in particular has been amazing. He is mad about lego and uses lego.com to build a wish list but won't put anything on it above $50 as "it's too expensive". Making them understand that goods and money are finite seems to have helped.
I think that's great! I do give my 10-year-old $1 a week for her allowance (which is what our budget will allow.) She gives 10 cents to church and 10 cents goes to savings. That doesn't really allow her to buy the toys she'd like, but we do take her to the Dollar Store. When she does have larger amounts of money after birthdays and Christmas it's like $25. I think perhaps because my children have little or no money of their own when they want something I always remind them to wait for their birthdays or Christmas. Then those events cannot measure up to their expectations. Is there a better way to handle that? (Within our financial scenario)
We've never gone overboard on Christmas giving but our kids appreciate the gifts they do get because they generally only get toys on their birthdays and Christmas. The Easter bunny also fills their baskets with small toys at Easter time.
At Christmas, they are allowed to ask for 2 toys from Santa. In addition to those toys, Santa also brings them each a surprise (usually a game or book) that he knows they'll like and he fills their stockings, too. They can put anything they want to on their wish list - but they know that their parents/grandparents/relatives/friends may also choose to give them a surprise that isn't on that list.
When they were preschool aged, we would take them to the dollar store (or a seasonal Santa's helper shop) and let them buy any gift they wanted to buy for their relatives - those simple gifts have been among the most cherished by their grandparents/Aunts/Uncles.
We've also taught them that Santa does not bring pets or very large/expensive presents (like t.v.s, game systems, pianos). Mom and Dad (not Santa) decide whether or not the family needs those items. They are also learning to save and budget their own money for some of these larger purchases - and they are learning to be very careful with their money which (I hope) will serve them well in the future.
Personally, if the 10 yo still believes I think now would be a good time let the cat out of the bag concerning Santa.
Have you thought of replacing things with actual family activities? I remember actual activities from my childhood. I don't recall too many gifts. An abundance of meaningful family activities should distract them from the lack of presents under the tree. Baking cookies, watching Christmas cartoons and movies, drive (or walk if gas is a problem) around checking out Christmas decorations, or even allow them to have a small Christmas party at home. They could invite 2-3 friends each and you can have a few activities for them. A couple frozen pizzas, cheap holiday candy, juice or punch, and bake up a few Christmas-themed cupcakes.
When it comes to telling them about the lack of presents, I think the cold hard truth is in order. You aren't able to buy them this year. Now is also a good time to teach them that things will not make them happy in their lives. I know that will be hard for the 5 yo so maybe talk to the 10 yo about allowing the younger child to get an extra gift or two.
My experience, like other posters' is that it is not the kid's expectations that are difficult but the parent's......Find a lot of little, inexpensive things and wrap them separately. Establish some new traditions that focus on family activities. Board games or card games are great. A deck of cards is very inexpensive - even a 4 yo can play "go fish" or something. They all love to play "Uno" - they will remember the experience you present more than the physical gifts.....
I would also add that you should be shopping as smart as you can. You would be amazed what you can get for $50 or even $25 if you work at it. Scour the internet for deals - slickdeals.net is a good place to start. Or refundcents. Two weeks ago Toys R Us had a sale on games where they ended up being $1.99 each. This weekend Amazon sold the Sonic DS game for $5 and Casino Royale dvd for $2 (free shipping). Hasbro.com had dollar deals with Transformers, Star Wars stuff all under $3. Walmart has Carters PJ's for $2.50. I just bought a mini gift set from Sephora for $5 shipped. So make it a game. Set a budget and see how much stuff you can get for it....
We are trying to change the focus of the holidays this year too. Not for money reasons, just because I think it gets too commercial and gimme, gimme. I am trying to do a lot of homemade stuff this year. My kids are young enough that they won't know the difference - it's the rest of the family (my parents, siblings, in-laws) that I have to worry about.
I hear you on the relative part! I guess we are lucky because for most of my eldest's life, we were below the poverty line. We instituted our "1 gift from Santa, 1 gift from us" rule from the get-go, and because we never had a lot of money, we had no reason to change. We are doing well now, and sometimes find it hard to stick to the 1-gift rule (which is now 1-2 gift rule, depending on the present), but we stand by it. I know this doesn't help the OP, but for new parents, I highly suggest it. If you have more money, it can be a more expensive gift (they don't think about the monetary value for many years) if you want. This especially helps with "Santa." It would be hard to explain why Santa only gave one present this year when he normally brings ten...
Anyhow, my MIL goes overboard many years, which use to erk me, but my boys know the difference in gifting policies.
For the OP: you could have a dinner-time conversation about how you have been reading about people buying less gifts because it is not the true spirit of Christmas. It would involve your children in a conversation about what Christmas means to them and to you and your husband. Then you can ask them about setting a present limit. You could introduce the idea and then start out with an intentionally low number (like two each). As a family settle on a number and maybe choosing a lower number than they would like, but that they would each choose one gift for a needy child. This would avoid the financial conversation as the previous poster suggested.
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