Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But I think if you can't let your kids have interactions in appropriate venues for their ages (and I guess some people will disagree on even what that means) then you are going to end up with kids who are crippled as young adults because they can't handle anything that life throws at them.
Unfortunately, that is how the present generation of kids is being raised and many young adults are turning out unable to fend for theselves, living at home until they are 30 and lacking in how to interact socially. Between the kid haters that are constantly criticising everything children do and the helicopter parents that feel like they must control every aspect of their kids life, these kids will never get the real world experience to be functional adults. The direction society is taking is truly disturbing to me.
As a father of a 16 month old you would expect me to come here and defend parents with children in this scenario but I won't. When my wife and I take our son out to eat we understand that in order to keep him behaved we are going to have to sacrifice our enjoyability at meal time immeasurably, to the point where it's not even worth it to go out to eat often. Most parents with kids who act up can be directly attributed to lazy, neglectful parenting. When we are out with our son , one of our hands is always moving. Helping him feed himself, wiping up after his small spills, picking up food thats fallen on floor alongside his highchair. In addition to that constant attention is required. There is no break, no lull in the action. Sugar packs, utensils, jelly packs, napkins all can be utuilized as distractions and must constantly be handed to explained to the child in the periods of quick lull when the child isnt eating. ALL OF THIS AND THEN SOME IS REQUIRED TO KEEP A CHILD IN LINE.. Some days are better than others, but eating out with a kid is akin to running a 100m dash and starting 10 meters behind. As a father myself anytime i hear a parent say "WELL UMM.. THEY ARE KIDS AND THATS WHAT KIDS DO, OR WHY DONT YOU TRY THIS WITH KIDS" I understand that these parents miss teh point and their kids will probably grow up to be as selfish and self cenetered as their parents!
Wait until you have two kids and are not physically able to control every action they do.
I think both sides of this debate have gone way overboard on their arguments. Unless you are one of those childfree kid haters who have completely forgotten that you were once a kid who went places with your parents, you can't possibly believe that kids should go NOWHERE. I mean, seriously, citing an overturned display in Home Depot? Come on now.
When kids misbehave, a good parent will be mortified and try to exit the situation as quickly as possible. It's not always so easy to get out of dodge as fast as you might like - groceries need to be paid for, dinner bills need to be settled. Waitstaff really hate it when you just run out on a tab. It's also a little silly to think that parents should get a sitter for everything they might need to get done outside the house. Kid screaming in the dry cleaners hurting your ears? Get over it, it's 1 minute out of your life and mom doesn't like it any better but she can't get a sitter for every dinky errand she needs to run. And yes, sometimes we parents DO miscalculate and try to get too much done with cranky kids in tow. Our bad.
It's also important for kids to get out in the world and see how to interact with the general public otherwise how do they learn to do it? We were walking out of a store the other day and my DS didn't hold the door for the person behind him....I ran back and grabbed the door and explained that he needs to watch for people behind him and hold the door.
Another time I was at the store with my other DS, who is struggling with math. I had picked up a few items and calculated how much it would be. Got to the register and I knew I was being overcharged. Told the checkout guy, who argued me but checked the receipt. Sure, enough, a couple of things were scanned twice. He re-did the order. After we left I explained to my son that this is why they teach them things like estimating in math and why it's important to have your addition, multiplication, etc, down pat because you really do use it every day. I could see by the look on his face that he "got it".
You can leave your kids home and be happy they will never "bother" anyone else, but the truth is some people are bothered by everything and kids are an easy target. Some people see them and immediately assume there is going to be trouble and can't or won't change that assumption. But I think if you can't let your kids have interactions in appropriate venues for their ages (and I guess some people will disagree on even what that means) then you are going to end up with kids who are crippled as young adults because they can't handle anything that life throws at them.
Wow, seems all the people who grew up not being able to handle anything that life throws at them ended up here.
Nice post but wait until your kid is 2,3,4... You'll see, trust me. Your kid will act up-guaranteed. When this does happen you really shouldn't be so quick to blame your parenting skills. Unlesss you are a bad parent? OK, didn't think so. So good parents have problems with their kids sometimes and you will see how the idiots treat you. Please remember to check back in to this thread with your new perspective.
You are making far too many assumptions here. Responsible parents nip it in the bud right away when their kids act up. AND WHEN THEY DO ACT UP beyond that, they keep these kids away from public situations where others will be inconvenienced to the greatest extent possible. That means only going out to eat when there is a babysitter, or if you must take the kid out eat at a kid friendly place McDonalds, burger King etc.. Im not judging your parenting skills but Ive noticed time and time again the worst parents are those that blame it on "kids being kids" or expect others to accept their childs behavior because they are just "kids"
You are making far too many assumptions here. Responsible parents nip it in the bud right away when their kids act up. AND WHEN THEY DO ACT UP beyond that, they keep these kids away from public situations where others will be inconvenienced to the greatest extent possible. That means only going out to eat when there is a babysitter, or if you must take the kid out eat at a kid friendly place McDonalds, burger King etc.. Im not judging your parenting skills but Ive noticed time and time again the worst parents are those that blame it on "kids being kids" or expect others to accept their childs behavior because they are just "kids"
Like Scottzilla said, check back with us in a year or two.
As a father of a 16 month old you would expect me to come here and defend parents with children in this scenario but I won't. When my wife and I take our son out to eat we understand that in order to keep him behaved we are going to have to sacrifice our enjoyability at meal time immeasurably, to the point where it's not even worth it to go out to eat often. Most parents with kids who act up can be directly attributed to lazy, neglectful parenting. When we are out with our son , one of our hands is always moving. Helping him feed himself, wiping up after his small spills, picking up food thats fallen on floor alongside his highchair. In addition to that constant attention is required. There is no break, no lull in the action. Sugar packs, utensils, jelly packs, napkins all can be utuilized as distractions and must constantly be handed to explained to the child in the periods of quick lull when the child isnt eating. ALL OF THIS AND THEN SOME IS REQUIRED TO KEEP A CHILD IN LINE.. Some days are better than others, but eating out with a kid is akin to running a 100m dash and starting 10 meters behind. As a father myself anytime i hear a parent say "WELL UMM.. THEY ARE KIDS AND THATS WHAT KIDS DO, OR WHY DONT YOU TRY THIS WITH KIDS" I understand that these parents miss teh point and their kids will probably grow up to be as selfish and self cenetered as their parents!
nicely put...
i have two kids - the girl is 11 and the boy is 9 - and when they were younger, we would limit ourselves to establishments where noise ordinances weren't an issue (TGIFridays, etc) or places where the majority of other people would have kids also (ground round, we'd always sit on the noisy 'kid's side')...
we never let the kids get out of hand or throw stuff around, run around in circles, etc. and they were taught that that kind of stuff wasn't acceptable... we always packed some sort of entertainment for them ... dolls, cars, etc. to keep them busy until the food came out.
so fast forward to today, we can take them to nicer places, especially when we go away on vacation... we always set aside one night on vacation to go more upscale/fancier, and guess what? they are behaved! shocking, huh?
when we go out to places where it's more casual (Charlie Brown's, local italian places) we let them 'be kids' (joking, talking, doing funny things at the table, etc) but it stays at our table and if they get too loud, they are told to settle down.
they also know to bring stuff with them incase they get bored (thank god for nintendo ds)
only once did we have to leave a nice restaurant - we were away on vacation and it was also our 5th wedding anniversary. our daughter was 1ish and up till that point had always been quiet as a mouse when ever we would go anywhere... well that night she decided to grab for everything on the table, knock over a glass of water, scream/cry... so we took turns taking her outside the restaurant, while the other ate.
while i am definately 1,000% more tollerant of noisy kids in most venues now that i have my own, at some point, people just need to learn to shut their kids the F up
Ive noticed time and time again the worst parents are those that blame it on "kids being kids" or expect others to accept their childs behavior because they are just "kids"
The best is when they blame it on ADD or something.
You are making far too many assumptions here. Responsible parents nip it in the bud right away when their kids act up. AND WHEN THEY DO ACT UP beyond that, they keep these kids away from public situations where others will be inconvenienced to the greatest extent possible. That means only going out to eat when there is a babysitter, or if you must take the kid out eat at a kid friendly place McDonalds, burger King etc.. Im not judging your parenting skills but Ive noticed time and time again the worst parents are those that blame it on "kids being kids" or expect others to accept their childs behavior because they are just "kids"
The poster you are addressing is simply a bad parent. He doesn't give a crap about anybody else but himself, doesn't know how to control his kids in situations in which they should be well behaved, and his kids probably learned his attitude and are little terrors themselves. If scott isn't divorced yet he will be because his attitude is not one that can hold a family together in rough times. His kids will grow up to become losers given the attitude of "dad" (unless they are somehow able to realize that having a self-centered, screw everybody attitude will get them nowhere in life). I could be wrong about all of this if, in fact, scott isn't the way he comes across on this message board in his real life - but I doubt that's the case.
I'm with ToniRomo. I am not a child hater. As a matter of fact, I view them as a great blessing. This was a decision, made by 2 adults (or 1) to have a child and therefore alter your life and the freedom you once had. You went into a decision knowingly that pretty much for the next 18 years, YOU would no longer be the focus or the important one - your child would take that spot.
When kids act up, I do hold the parent responsible. Tommy 2 or 4 year-old is not at home begging to be taken to Chez Fancee. That is the parent who made the decision. If you want to not take responsibility for your child's behavior, then a Chuckie Cheese of McDonalds is the place to go. Then you can let your "kids be kids". But bringing these children into a nice place where people are trying to have a quiet dinner and catch-up is irresponsible on the part of the parent. To assume that the child is going to be well behaved every minute of the 1-2 hours you are there is not fair to the kid.
So let's go back to what I originally said - when you decide to have a kid, your likes, wants and desires come second. You want to go to the Chez Fancee, then make arrangements for a baby-sitter and everyone, including the child, will end up happy.
Kids should be SEEN and NEVER HEARD. Put em in a zoo.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Your kid will act up-guaranteed. When this does happen you really shouldn't be so quick to blame your parenting skills. Unlesss you are a bad parent? OK, didn't think so. So good parents have problems with their kids sometimes and you will see how the idiots treat you. Please remember to check back in to this thread with your new perspective.
