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This particular mindset has damaged far too many black women. In their minds, they are super women.
Very true.
Black women must realize that we are not White women and society treats us differently. We are held to a different standard. It is what it is.
A 21 year old White woman who sleeps around in college is just being "young and free". A 21 year old Black woman who sleeps around in college is a s---. A 30 year old White woman who decides to have a child out of wedlock is independent and progressive. A 30 year old Black woman who decides to have a child out of wedlock is a statistic and a negative stereotype. The truth is that African Americans can not afford to NOT work against the stereotype.
This is the other stereotype of Black women that I forgot to add...the "I'm an independent Black woman, I don't need a man" stereotype. These women have been mislead to think that it's ok for them to have a child out of wedlock because they are college educated and have a good job. And while they may be able to financially support the child with no issues, their shortsightedness simply contributes to that glaringly sad statistic.
These women willfully and deliberately deny their children the benefit of growing up in a 2-parent household and the problems that follow are boys that grow up not knowing what it is to be men or how to treat women. The girls do not know what it is like to be a wife because their mother was not a wife and potentially repeat the cycle by having children out of wedlock. The children are exposed to the men that come into and out of their mother's lives during their childhood (not to mention the children who are exposed to men who prey upon single mothers to get to the children).
It's called feminism, and black women have foolishly bought into it. And what has it gotten them. A 70% out of marriage birth rate. A mentality of "I don't need a man" and then they turn around and say they're no good black men out there. Lol!
While I agree with what you are saying, I think many women adopted this attitude out of necessity. Many black women were forced to become independent due to the absence of the black male. If black women were to say, "I DO need a man as a husband and father.", how many college educated black men would be there?
Black women need to stop thinking that Black men are our only option.
This is actually one of the factors that contributes greatly to the problem. Black women (some or far too many) are the only ones who flat out refuse to even consider the prospect of dating/having a relationshio with/marrying non-Black men and it has been a great detriment. Many Black women who want to be mothers decide to do it on their own because they have "given up" on finding a "good Black man"...while they have refused other good men in the process.
Quite a few actually but what are these women bringing to the table?
I will copy the post that I was responding to. Perhaps you missed it the first time?
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy
This is the other stereotype of Black women that I forgot to add...the "I'm an independent Black woman, I don't need a man" stereotype. These women have been mislead to think that it's ok for them to have a child out of wedlock because they are college educated and have a good job. And while they may be able to financially support the child with no issues, their shortsightedness simply contributes to that glaringly sad statistic.
These women willfully and deliberately deny their children the benefit of growing up in a 2-parent household and the problems that follow are boys that grow up not knowing what it is to be men or how to treat women. The girls do not know what it is like to be a wife because their mother was not a wife and potentially repeat the cycle by having children out of wedlock. The children are exposed to the men that come into and out of their mother's lives during their childhood (not to mention the children who are exposed to men who prey upon single mothers to get to the children).
No - but 70% of them are. The monolithic group of unwed mothers a large portion happily living off food stamps and welfare handouts.
If people want to progress "as a group" then they have to look at their group. Otherwise, only the responsible hard working individuals will make any progress and will have to leave the group behind.
What might make this a race issue is that only blacks and some minority groups see themselves as a group. You won't see successful white women really caring all that much about their trailer trash sisters getting knocked up with some random guy and having children that never know a father. That's part of "sisterhood" that exists with blacks.
While I agree with what you are saying, I think many women adopted this attitude out of necessity. Many black women were forced to become independent due to the absence of the black male. If black women were to say, "I DO need a man as a husband and father.", how many college educated black men would be there?
They don't have to marry only college educated men. The problem is -- too many think they're better than the black men who might not have gone to college but who will work hard for a living.
But if they insist on marrying nothing but a college educated man, they may have to consider going outside the race. The only problem is that across races, more women are in college than are men.
and then they turn around and say they're no good black men out there. Lol!
Statistically, there aren't very many.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy
Black women need to stop thinking that Black men are our only option.
This is actually one of the factors that contributes greatly to the problem. Black women (some or far too many) are the only ones who flat out refuse to even consider the prospect of dating/having a relationshio with/marrying non-Black men and it has been a great detriment. Many Black women who want to be mothers decide to do it on their own because they have "given up" on finding a "good Black man"...while they have refused other good men in the process.
I see your point and while I support interracial dating for black women who want to do it, I don't believe that is the answer to their problems. The reality is that while some men of other races are open to dating black women, many aren't. So I think it's too simplistic to say that if black women would just open their minds to dating men of other races, they would find husbands. Some black women will, but a lot of them still won't regardless.
The solution to the problem is to respect yourself and don't become another "baby mama."
KUDOS to you! I feel much the same way about marriage and probably won't get married unless my partner really wanted it and for legal issues (hospital, inheritance, etc). A piece of paper doesn't change the relationship. If the relationship is problematic, a marriage license and some vows aren't going to change it. If the relationship is perfect, again, marriage isn't going to change it. IMHO, the institution of marriage exist mainly for tax/government purposes .
I grew up in a two parent household. My parents weren't wealthy but they worked their butts off to enroll me in a private school and meet my needs. I graduated from a top high school and got a great education. No drugs, no pregnancy, no arrests. I was around 17 when I learned that my parents weren't legally married. Did it change anything? Nope. You don't need to be married to be good parents.
This thread was created to uplift the African American family unit, by discussing the importance of no wedding no womb. Over 70% of AA children are born out of wedlock and most are reared in single parent low income homes. Many children reared in these environments suffer. I simply believe black children deserve better.
Please refrain from bringing negative energy and divisiveness into this thread.
I think xxbabiechick made a number of solid points, however I think that it's a bit misleading to use her interpretation and politial beliefs as a rationale to explain why the numbers are as high as they are in the black community. Now she may have only been speaking for herself, but holistically her situation was the exception, not the rule.
As for my own explanation...I think it's somewhat simple...
From my experience in dealing with women both interracial as well as intraracial both in dating and friends, I've noticed one particular trend. Regardless of how poor, rich or middle income someone is..a lot of white, asian and Hispanic (mexican) women see marriage as a gain (beit financially, socially or whatever else) and essentially a priority and a must. Where as with most black women it's a more of a "if it happens...it happens" mentality where others either don't want to get married at all or they'de prefer to marry when they are "ready." With the exception of hard evagelical black women...many simply just do not see it the same as women of other races for a variety of reasons that the thread has already covered. I think if most black women wanted to be married...they simply would be. Now whether those marriages would be healthy enough to stand the test of time given the other variables associated with the black community is another question.
What's interesting is this viewpoint is pushed a lot by white liberals but interestingly enough they have the highest marriage percentages in the country.
While white feminists were pushing free sex and the like most still got married and had kids. It's a shame many Black women bought into the feminist mantra to the detriment of the black community.
My point of view does NOT have anything to do w/ feminism whatsoever. It has to do w/ my opinion of the current institution of marriage. I think it's great that e now live in a culture where you don't have to get married in order to start a family since, again, a piece of paper says nothing about your ability to commit to another person or raise a family (for celebrity examples, compare Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie and Kurt Russell-Goldie Hawn to Britney Spears-K-Fed and Kim K-Kris Humphries and tell me again how being married helped the latter two or not being married have been detrimental to the former two)
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