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The difference is when these non-Black men encounter Black women who exhibit an air of openess, friendliness, gentility and femininity. They do not have as much reservation with women who give off an approachable vibe. Black women who are loud, crude and obnoxious will be viewed as the stereotypical "ghetto" girls (even if they are not) who will reject them or even "curse them out" for even daring to try. I think that they also avoid the Black women who give off the definitive "I don't date White guys" vibe.
I don't understand the whole stereotypical view you are spinning on black women at all.
Is a black woman laughing at a joke the type that a white man would view as a "ghetto" girl who is loud and obnoxious? Or someone who will curse them out? And IME most black women are very open who don't date white guys so there would be no vibe for white guys to pick up on because the black woman will usually tell them, "I don't date white guys" which my cousin does all the time to any white guy to attempts to talk to her. It is funny that she, who does not date anyone but black men is approached by white men and they don't pick up on that vibe. Also you are acting like white women aren't loud and crude and won't curse you out. It is like most of you don't know many white women at all.
I feel all of you are putting way too much into this than you need to. If a white guy, who is confident and not socially inept wants to speak to a black woman, he will speak to her. I know quite a few WM/BW couples. Now that I think about it (I know 4 couples here in Atlanta who are WM/BW) all the women except maybe one who I don't have an idea of what she makes because she has a secretarial job and they run the gamut of income, make more money than the white man. A couple of the white men are stay at home dads.
It is always interesting the generalization that comes up when people speak about race especially when they speak about black women and our dating/marriage habits.
The difference is when these non-Black men encounter Black women who exhibit an air of openess, friendliness, gentility and femininity. They do not have as much reservation with women who give off an approachable vibe. Black women who are loud, crude and obnoxious will be viewed as the stereotypical "ghetto" girls (even if they are not) who will reject them or even "curse them out" for even daring to try. I think that they also avoid the Black women who give off the definitive "I don't date White guys" vibe.
Again. This is a person suffering from self hate. Non-Black skin is seen as a prize. You must change and comprise. Else you will scare off the great non-bm.
Why don't they change for you or better yet. Accept you for who you are. Aren't men supposed to chase women?
You need to look in the mirror, and start loving yourself.
I don't understand the whole stereotypical view you are spinning on black women at all.
Is a black woman laughing at a joke the type that a white man would view as a "ghetto" girl who is loud and obnoxious? Or someone who will curse them out? And IME most black women are very open who don't date white guys so there would be no vibe for white guys to pick up on because the black woman will usually tell them, "I don't date white guys" which my cousin does all the time to any white guy to attempts to talk to her. It is funny that she, who does not date anyone but black men is approached by white men and they don't pick up on that vibe. Also you are acting like white women aren't loud and crude and won't curse you out. It is like most of you don't know many white women at all.
I feel all of you are putting way too much into this than you need to. If a white guy, who is confident and not socially inept wants to speak to a black woman, he will speak to her. I know quite a few WM/BW couples. Now that I think about it (I know 4 couples here in Atlanta who are WM/BW) all the women except maybe one who I don't have an idea of what she makes because she has a secretarial job and they run the gamut of income, make more money than the white man. A couple of the white men are stay at home dads.
It is always interesting the generalization that comes up when people speak about race especially when they speak about black women and our dating/marriage habits.
I agree with you again, Res. What is obvious (and sad) is that some women are more hard on each other than men.
What I'm learning is that if a white guy doesn't approach you, you must be:
fat, ghetto, loud, obnoxious, giving off a b!!tchy and/or "I don't date white guys" vibe and/or unattractive. What a load of bull.
I would wager that most IR happen one of these ways:
-Coworkers who get to know each other as friends and they build on that. There's no immediate fear of rejection (on the guy's part) and his friendship with the BW, gives him confidence to ask her out.
-A date setup between mutual friends/family.
-Online dating site where folks list their preferences.
-Self-confident white guys approaching you.
IME, a lot of white guys are VERY subtle in their hints. I know they're attracted because they look at me and their eyes follow, but they don't approach. And I've managed not to scare away my white guy coworkers (come to think of it, some of them have gotten a bit frisky ), so I can't be that hideous/loud/ghetto. Seriously, some guys give out clues so subtle, they're almost impossible to decipher. Most black guys are VERY direct and verbal in their interest, so it's very hard to pick up on the subtle hints that some white guys give out.
It gets better and better. I see that you have conveniently ignored my point about a lot of men being afraid of rejection. So, even if they are attracted, some won't attempt an approach, because they assume they will be shot down. Has nothing to do with the black woman being "loud, crude and obnoxious" or giving "off the definitive "I don't date White guys" vibe". If this is what you are suggesting, what do you make of why this fear of rejection is also present in their attraction to other white women?
This is the age of the internet. Some guys are downright intimidated when it comes to approaching a woman cold-turkey. I've been a "wing-woman" many times. In fact, the term "wing-man" speaks to this very real fear of rejection. Guys are too scared to approach a woman, so they have a buddy do it for them.
This isn't some secret. Not sure why black women are, (once again!) being blamed for the fear of rejection that some guys have. Don't take my word for it...wander over to the Relationship forum for proof.
I am not denying that some men are intimidated to ask out certain women. Yes, many men have this issue.
What is also true is that some women are simply more approachable then others. Some women are warm, friendly and kind when strangers strike up conversations with them; some women are not. Something as simple as a warm smile is like an invitation. I am like that with everyone, everywhere that I go.
Men also take cues from the facial expressions of women. If a Black woman looks like she is po'ed and is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, then she probably won't have the most inviting and pleasant look on her face. If she looks like she is happy, content, pleasant, enjoying life, etc., then she will usually radiant those vibes to men.
I am not denying that some men are intimidated to ask out certain women. Yes, many men have this issue.
What is also true is that some women are simply more approachable then others. Some women are warm, friendly and kind when strangers strike up conversations with them; some women are not. Something as simple as a warm smile is like an invitation. I am like that with everyone, everywhere that I go.
Men also take cues from the facial expressions of women. If a Black woman looks like she is po'ed and is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, then she probably won't have the most inviting and pleasant look on her face. If she looks like she is happy, content, pleasant, enjoying life, etc., then she will usually radiant those vibes to men.
Perhaps you and I are having two different conversations. In my scenarios, I'm imagining scenes that include bars for happy hours and/or walking along a city street. How exactly would a woman look unapproachable? You say that she could possibly looked pissed and/or as if she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Who walks around like this? Do you see black women walking around and/or at bars with scowls and or looks of depression? I can honestly say that I've never seen this. If she's at a bar with her friends, wouldn't she look/be happy and mellow?
You seem to want to paint this picture of the "angry black woman" being unapproachable, and sorry but it's false.
Perhaps you and I are having two different conversations. In my scenarios, I'm imagining scenes that include bars for happy hours and/or walking along a city street. How exactly would a woman look unapproachable? You say that she could possibly looked pissed and/or as if she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Who walks around like this? Do you see black women walking around and/or at bars with scowls and or looks of depression? I can honestly say that I've never seen this. If she's at a bar with her friends, wouldn't she look/be happy and mellow?
You seem to want to paint this picture of the "angry black woman" being unapproachable, and sorry but it's false.
There can be a subtlety to it, but yes.
If you ask men, there are some women who seem more "approachable". Call it body language or reading faces, but some women are more "approachable" than others.
If you ask men, there are some women who seem more "approachable". Call it body language or reading faces, but some women are more "approachable" than others.
The claim seems to be that if you're a black woman and you haven't been approached by a non-black man, you're doing something wrong.
What I'm learning is that if a white guy doesn't approach you, you must be:
fat, ghetto, loud, obnoxious, giving off a b!!tchy and/or "I don't date white guys" vibe and/or unattractive. What a load of bull.
LOL, my roommate likes to look over my shoulder sometimes when I'm on C-D and she's been haphazardly following this thread and followed two threads on the Chicago board about black women dating. To closely paraphrase what she said: "Dang, going off of these threads, this forum is the perfect place to break a black woman's esteem!"
I'm no model, am overweight, have a big ol' nappy afro, and can laugh prettily heartily at some funny, crude jokes, yet have done okay in the IR department. Apparently, it's a damn miracle non black males even talk to me!
The claim seems to be that if you're a black woman and you haven't been approached by a non-black man, you're doing something wrong.
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.
That is a misinterpretation of any and all of my comments, but so be it.
I think that we all have different experiences and that colors the way we view the subject as a whole. To me it seemed odd when you stated earlier in the thread that you had never been asked out/approached by a non-Black man since it is contrary to my experience (and that of many other Black women that I know). The explanations for the differences in experiences I could really on guess at since I really had no idea for the reason.
I do not believe that IRRs are for everyone.
I do not believe that non-Black men are better than Black men.
I do not believe that Black women need to marry non-Black men to have a good life.
I do not believe that IRRs equal self hatred.
I have never pursued a non-Black man or a Black man, I am definitely old fashioned and believe that it is the man's job to pursue/court the woman, always.
I believe that Black women who complain about being single and not being able to find a man should do a bit of self examination/self reflection/self analysis and ask themselves if they are truly being the woman that a "good man" would want.
I believe that Black women should accept that many of the Black men that they want, are swimming in a broader more diverse pool of potential mates; if they want to be wives to "good men" then they need to broaden their horizons, as well.
Is a black woman laughing at a joke the type that a white man would view as a "ghetto" girl who is loud and obnoxious? .
It depends, is she laughing like a big lumberjack, or is it girlish and feminine?
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), so I can't be that hideous/loud/ghetto. 
Seriously, some guys give out clues so subtle, they're almost impossible to decipher. Most black guys are VERY direct and verbal in their interest, so it's very hard to pick up on the subtle hints that some white guys give out.
