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I can see how someone like Mary who chooses to ignore pop culture has never heard of Chris Brown. She's probably better off not knowing about him.
Being a middle aged white male I'm not in the Chris Brown demographic but am very aware of him (from the start of his career btw I liked his song "Run It"). There is no better example of the deep moral decay in this country than the popularity of Chris Brown. The fact that many many young women went on Twitter to say how much they wanted Chris Brown to beat them up shows just how sick our culture has become.
This is all related to out of wedlock births. Women (young women in particular) do not even consider for one second if a man is decent or not, it's all about if he is sexy (and Chris Brown is sexy to women in a most primitive way...tattooed hard body who beats women to pulp). Tons of young women have the babies of men who look and act exactly like Chris Brown (minus the successful music career) and end up single moms collecting welfare.
Thank you Jay, you actually are echoing the point I was trying to make. You cannot pretend to want to help people if you are not willing to know what they're about. You can't just approach them and say "hey stop having kids" there's SO much more that's involved in the reason things are the way they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryMary2012
We all know that chris brown et al, are extremely important figures in the lives of young black women, right? What would WE (since you believe in the collective) do without them? Nevermind the fact that all of males featured in that video, are actually predators, not supporters of black women. Funny that you missed the meaning of the video.
No I actually got the point of the video.
And no one said that Chris Brown is extremely important but the topic of ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS is very important, especially for young black women. Especially for young black women who are also single mothers. So while Chris Brown may not have been on ANY of the news outlets that you watch/read/listen to I'd bet that the women that you are saying need a platform are familiar with him. And I'd bet they're familiar with the incident.
So please explain to me why you care about this demographic that you have no interest in relating to?
Do you think your skin color is going to be enough? I hate to break it to you but it's not.
The base of that demographic is a culture that isn't going to be accepting of an educated black woman married to a white man who knows NOTHING about the things going on in their world. You are an outsider. You might as well be a rich, white, old man.
I tell you this from first hand experience. I've posted many times on this forum that I work with you black girls and the best way to get them talking about an uncomfortable issue like single motherhood, welfare, domestic abuse and drugs is to talk about things that interest them. The girls I work with like that even though I am not like them and have not shared many of their experiences, I can talk to them about things they know, like and understand. You don't seem able or willing to do that. If you approach them with the attitude I have seen you display several times of this board, not only will they not listen to you they will probably curse you out.
Thank you Jay, you actually are echoing the point I was trying to make. You cannot pretend to want to help people if you are not willing to know what they're about. You can't just approach them and say "hey stop having kids" there's SO much more that's involved in the reason things are the way they are.
No I actually got the point of the video.
And no one said that Chris Brown is extremely important but the topic of ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS is very important, especially for young black women. Especially for young black women who are also single mothers. So while Chris Brown may not have been on ANY of the news outlets that you watch/read/listen to I'd bet that the women that you are saying need a platform are familiar with him. And I'd bet they're familiar with the incident.
So please explain to me why you care about this demographic that you have no interest in relating to?
Do you think your skin color is going to be enough? I hate to break it to you but it's not.
The base of that demographic is a culture that isn't going to be accepting of an educated black woman married to a white man who knows NOTHING about the things going on in their world. You are an outsider. You might as well be a rich, white, old man.
I tell you this from first hand experience. I've posted many times on this forum that I work with you black girls and the best way to get them talking about an uncomfortable issue like single motherhood, welfare, domestic abuse and drugs is to talk about things that interest them. The girls I work with like that even though I am not like them and have not shared many of their experiences, I can talk to them about things they know, like and understand. You don't seem able or willing to do that. If you approach them with the attitude I have seen you display several times of this board, not only will they not listen to you they will probably curse you out.
Just curious Natalay if you were to talk to girls who say things like they want to be beaten by Chris Brown would you, as someone they can relate to, have any chance of changing their mind on something like that? Are they reachable? My guess is some of them have no idea how serious of an issue domestic violence is.
Just curious Natalay if you were to talk to girls who say things like they want to be beaten by Chris Brown would you, as someone they can relate to, have any chance of changing their mind on something like that? Are they reachable? My guess is some of them have no idea how serious of an issue domestic violence is.
We have talked about it SEVERAL times. Even after his performance at the BET awards it came up.
The scary thing is most of the side with Chris Brown. Or say things like "if it was only that one time"...they're very forgiving and seem to think this is normal in a relationship. I've had some girls admit they've gotten in physical altercations with their boyfriends/child's father but it hasn't been "like that". It's frustrating but to be honest a lot of them grew up seeing that so to them it is normal. And I have some who were treated so badly as children that when this piece of man started paying them the slightest bit of positive attention they became addicted to it and now crave it so badly they'll take a few busted lips.
I've also talked to them about being the hitter. A lot of them think it's "OK" to smack your boyfriend if he disrespects you. Don't know if you've ever watched the movie Baby Boy but there's a scene where she punches him in the face; then he hits her back and she gets hysterical screaming "you hit me".
One of my girls graduated from charter school last month and she was a speaker (they didn't do valedictorians; they had to write papers and hers was chosen) and she commented that her whole life people had been telling her she would never do anything with her life....before I started working with them I thought stuff like that only happened on television.
The issues that are going on within the black demographic are serious and they are generational. I don't believe there is a standard response solution, as relates to the OP.
Just curious Natalay if you were to talk to girls who say things like they want to be beaten by Chris Brown would you, as someone they can relate to, have any chance of changing their mind on something like that? Are they reachable? My guess is some of them have no idea how serious of an issue domestic violence is.
The sad reality is, for many of these girls, domestic violence and abuse in general is the norm. They don't see it as a problem, because they live it daily. Low self-esteem is also an issue for many. This is a very complicated issue. But, I agree with Natalay. You have to speak their language to reach them. Actually, a woman who has lived their lives is generally in the best position to make a difference. The fact that she can relate firsthand makes her much more effective. It's similar to former addicts making some of the best addiction counselors, because they don't have to imagine how it feels to be strung out on drugs. They know how it feels.
The sad reality is, for many of these girls, domestic violence and abuse in general is the norm. They don't see it as a problem, because they live it daily. Low self-esteem is also an issue for many. This is a very complicated issue. But, I agree with Natalay. You have to speak their language to reach them. Actually, a woman who has lived their lives is generally in the best position to make a difference. The fact that she can relate firsthand makes her much more effective. It's similar to former addicts making some of the best addiction counselors, because they don't have to imagine how it feels to be strung out on drugs. They know how it feels.
You're right. There are some times when we're talking and they'll give me that "girl you don't know what we talking about" look. In most cases though I find that if you're talking with them versus to them they respond better.
You're right. There are some times when we're talking and they'll give me that "girl you don't know what we talking about" look. In most cases though I find that if you're talking with them versus to them they respond better.
Absolutely! I think a major problem is far too many people approach them in a condescending manner, or as if they are there to save the poor souls from damnation. They don't want to be pitied, or put down. They just want to be understood, and treated as a equal human being.
I have a cousin who is a young minister. He makes it a priority to know all of the latest slangs, music, etc. Otherwise, he will never reach young men. He also has no problem admitting his failures in life, including experimenting with drugs, womanizing, etc. In doing so, they feel a connection.
I will say this from my conversation with a small sampling of unwed mothers, the desire to have someone in their lives that they believe that they can both give and receive what they believe will be unconditional love (the same motivation that the rest of us have children) outweighs and blinds these young women to the the reality of what it takes to actually raise a child.
Perhaps the single greatest problem for the poor, and this goes to issues regarding education, and damn near everything else is that the idea of deferred gratification is an alien concept, particularly in a world where life is cut short at an early age to begin with. When you cannot grasp the idea of a future, the here and now is all that matters. It's that silly hope/hopeless thing.
Why is contraception the woman's responsibility? Don't man want to avoid unplanned pregnancies/fatherhood?
I never said contraceptive is the sole responsibility of a woman.
But realistically who bears the greater physical, emotional, and financial burden for an out of wedlock pregnancy, especially if the man in question does not want to be part of the child life?
The reality is that the biggest reason that there are a higher number of out of wedlock pregnancies among black women is that in many cases they are not using contraceptives.
If you are single woman that doesn't want an unplanned pregnancy what the better choice:
1. Leaving the use of contraception solely up to the man?
2. Taking responsibility of using your own contraception. Especially since most female contraceptives are more effective than male contraceptives.
3. Engaging in sexual relationship without the use of any contraceptives at all?
I always thought Michelle Obama could do more for young women. Wonder what her take on this is?
I think it would be too dangerous for her to touch on the issue of single motherhood within the black community. Someone would complain about her showing favortism to black people, accuse her of being racist and start reviving every statement she ever made that they feel is anti-white.
If she just tried to address single motherhood, or even teen mothers, I bet someone would say "black women make up the biggest percentage of that number;why aren't you talking about that"....
She's better off focusing on fat kids.
Again with that, a lot of girls see Michelle as one of "the others". They look at her and think "I can never be that".
Mary J Blige would be in a better position as she could talk about her own struggles with drugs, not having a father, abusive relationships, etc.
That's my opinion anyway
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What would WE (since you believe in the collective) do without them? Nevermind the fact that all of males featured in that video, are actually predators, not supporters of black women. Funny that you missed the meaning of the video.
