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The truth of the matter is that single mothers cover the full American spectrum of race, income levels and education.
Now I have no problem with teaching both young men and women that they need to carefully consider the consequences of their sexual behavior. But the idea that this is any way a political issue is patently ridiculous.
I agree.
To promote abstinence is great, but unrealistic. Teens are going to have sex. Grown adults certainly are going to have sex. Many, unfortunately, just aren't prepared for the consequences and have an "it won't happen to me" attitude. I was the same way and became a single teen Mom. Of course, my "baby's daddy" stuck around and we've been together ever since and have been married for over 10 years.
The OP doesn't seem to come from, or understand, the type of women she is seeking to "educate" about motherhood. While her underlying message is a good one, her delivery could use a ton of work.
Sorry but the "Holier Than Thou" mentality is NOT going to get people to listen to whatever message about single parenthood that you are trying to convey.
People have the right to make whatever personal choices in their lives suit them.
You would be much better served by simply pointing out the liability of becoming a single parent and suggest ways to avoid it than lambasting people's personal decisions.
And if you are going the "Holier Than Thou" route in this issue why are non-Black women being held to a different standard?
I think that you read way too much into my post. But so be it.
Having standards should not be interpreted as "Holier than Thou" but as an alternative to what is "common." I have mentored younger girls (8-11 yrs olds) and many have told me how "different" I am from the the women in their lives. I show them that there is an alternative to what they see everyday without being "preachy." I teach without judging them and hope that they are able to take these things to have a better future.
WHITE male prejudice has generated social policy regarding black men...it is a dated attitude..one that spawned from white male resentment...that black men were lazy- stupid- and of course that PENIS envy thing that all blacks had bigger parts than their white controllers....which is a myth....Black men love their kids- the mother are controlled by white rich people who seek to control black men through what they love...Their kids------------------This is insidiously low...and a vile way to attempt to continue to enslave black males.
Every post I read from you includes a blurb that sounds like it's written by a crazy person. This one is no different.
To promote abstinence is great, but unrealistic. Teens are going to have sex. Grown adults certainly are going to have sex. Many, unfortunately, just aren't prepared for the consequences and have an "it won't happen to me" attitude. I was the same way and became a single teen Mom. Of course, my "baby's daddy" stuck around and we've been together ever since and have been married for over 10 years.
The OP doesn't seem to come from, or understand, the type of women she is seeking to "educate" about motherhood. While her underlying message is a good one, her delivery could use a ton of work.
Mary: Essence has a right to publish whatever they wish. I am not however under any obligation to support articles/messages that I do not agree with; therefore, I canceled my subscription.
I agree with you.
Mary: Nia Long is an adult woman and therefore free to do whatever she wishes with her body. By all accounts, she has more than enough financial resources to take care of herself and children. Since I do not personally know Long, I have no knowledge of her "babies daddies" co-parenting commitments, but I hope for the children's sake, they are actively involved.
I agree with you.
Mary: As a soon to be Mom, I am in a position to judge what's best for me and I choose not to subscribe to publications which endorse lifestyles that I don't agree with.
I agree with you on your choice to subscribe to publications, but from my post I showed you that the majority of Essence's covers have featured married or divorced women and due to that how would you come to the conclusion that they "endorse" a particular marriage/single lifestyle?
Mary: Yes, but I'm especially passionate about this particular issue, because I want the best for all children. Essence seemed to relish in promoting Long's single/independent mom disposition and that rubbed me the wrong way. It's one thing to simply report on an issue, but they took it a step further by endorsing her private lifestyle choices.
Did you read the article? If you did, in what way did the magazine "relish" in her single motherhood? I read the entire article, it was about her and her life. She also spoke about "going natural" with her hair and living a more healthful lifestyle, including being a vegan.
Nowhere in the article did they say "young black women - be a single mother so you can be like Nia Long."
The article was no different than ones, in this particular publication, where Jada Pinkett Smith is interviewed or Beyonce or Alicia Keyes.
Mary: I don't wish to censor Essence, I simply have no interest in financially supporting them. Just as I'm sure, some won't have an interest in reading my ebooks -which is perfectly their right.
I agree with you here as well. You can support who you want just like others can chose to either support or not support you. But as a writer/author (wanted to note I have experience in publishing and writing as well as I worked as a free lancer for years) you should be more of an "active" reader and more able to view all literature with various POVs (specific demographics/audiences). Most writers/authors are able to be critics and are able to read things that they don't agree with and make valid points for or against the theme of the piece of which they are critiquing. If you plan to make a career in publishing or writing, it would be of benefit for you, especially if you are choosing to take a stance against single motherhood of young black women, to learn all you can about the demographic that you are trying to reach (if you are indeed trying to reach young black women). In this way, you will have sources, like this article or similar ones that may be published in "Essence" of which you can use as proof that a particular body of work, like "Essence" is "endorsing" a particular type of lifestyle.
Rhetorical writing is an art form (my favorite type of writing if you cannot tell from posts I make here). If you want to be good at it and not just be some opionated person who has no basis for their opinions or beliefs or ideals that you are writing about, people will not take you seriously. Writing is best when it takes a firm stance. To do that, you have to educate yourself on the people, publications, and ideologies that are against your own. You stated you were going to write an e-book about this topic. How will you write about a topic, especially one of this nature, without knowing the history, who specifically it affects (demographically, there are many demographics amongst black people in this country, of which I am sure you are well aware). How can you form an opinion against Nia Long, Essence, or even myself, if you do not know anything about our opinions. Just saying "this is morally wrong" is not an adequate argument.
Your comments regarding interracial children are completely off the mark. Clearly you are looking for a reaction, but I won't allow you to bait me. I will however state that children who have loving, stable, intelligent, morally sound and active parents tend to be very well adjusted, irrespective of their racial background/color. Also, when a child knows, accepts & loves their background, there's no confusion regarding their identity.
I stated in my comments that those thoughts about interracial children are not my own. Since I have also written about various "controversial" subjects, I know about the ideals and views of people who have opposite opinions from my own. Many people do think that interracial children will be "confused." This has even been spoken of on this forum by different posters.
I am not trying to bait you. Don't be so defensive. You stated you were a writer, I am a writer as well, I am having a debate with you, not baiting you. FWIW, it is a very civil debate IMO and I have no ill will toward you at all and have stated I think it is admirable that you want to help children.
The part of your comment above about children having "loving, stable, intelligent, morrally sound and active parents" can be true of many children of single parents. I agree with you that "when a child knows, accepts and loves their background," they won't be confused. I was just giving you a taste of what you are dishing out in regards to black single mothers. Since you got defensive and thought that I was "baiting" you, even though I explicitly stated that those ideas were not my own, shows that you should be able to understand how your own thoughts can be seen as offensive in regards to this thread you created.
Mary: I do not subscribe to any magazines, but I do have a number of journal subscriptions.
If you are going to write about this topic in regards to black media "endorsing" the indepedent, single motherhood lifestyle, it would make sense to subscribe to or at least read some black magazines. There are also black journals you can subscribe to if you would like.
Mary: I don't care about pop news or gossip. I am not sure if he goes by another name, but I do recall reading an article about the domestic violence incident between Chris Brown and Rhianna. I simply did not recall who he was when I looked at Calipoppy's video, because the incident happened in 2009, and he's never been on my radar. I've stated before, I don't listen to pop music.
Currently, my husband and I primarily watch documentaries and independent films, but way back when, I have seen a movie or two with Angelina Jolie.
I also don't care about pop news or gossip, but I did know who Chris Brown and Rhianna was. I don't listen to pop music very much, actually not at all, mostly "soft rock," some hard rock, country (yes I am a black woman who likes country music), R&B old school, soul, neo-soul, and jazz.
I also primarily watch independent films and documentaries. I saw the one you spoke of seeing Nia on with Henry Lous (Skip) Gates, years ago, probably about 5-6 years ago when it first came out. It was a great documentary as are most of his documentaries IMO.
Yet, I know who Chris Brown is and how he looks. I know who Rihanna is. I couldn't tell you what songs they sing or if I heard one of their songs, I wouldn't know it was them, but due to living in the digital age and also being a writer, I know who they are. I love Angelina Jolie's movies, most of them anyway, her and Brad Pitt, who I think is a beautiful man! I have probably seen all of her movies.
I subscribed a year ago, and I never really paid much attention to the other covers, besides the Michelle Obama feature story. Again, there was just something about the way the article was written and the endorsement of single-motherhood that turned me off.
A few years ago, I saw a PBS documentary about black actresses in Hollywood, by Harvard Professor Skip Gates. I was impressed by Long's professional drive, overall longevity in the business and her acting range. Needless to say, her cover story was disappointing. End of story...
But the article itself did not "endorse" single-motherhood. I can understand that you did not want to read about a woman shacking it up with her baby's daddy, but FWIW, Nia is not single. She is co-habiting. I don't understand how you can even use her situation as an example of single motherhood when she is not single.
Like I mentioned above, I saw that documentary too. I loved Nia in it, she was probably my favorite part. FWIW, I have seen a lot of her movies too, probably all of them and she used to be in a show on one of the major networks that I watched until it was cancelled and it was a good show. Most of her movies though, I don't particularly enjoy.
On a personal level I agree with much of what you're saying but from an objective level I don't see it working.
I'm on my phone so I'll try to answer your questions as I remember them. Why would black females think could never be like Michelle Obama? Because they've been told they can't all their lives. By their parents, grandparents, siblings, boyfriends, friends, teachers, everyone. Yes some people are internally strong enough to rise above it but in my personal experience most don't. No one around them has anything or does anything. That Michelle Obama life is a fantasy one...you might as well tell them they will ride in a pumpkin. One girl I work with has a mother who put her on birth control at age 12 because she KNEW her daughter would end up getting pregnant...who tells a 12 year old that?
So IMO its hard for Michelle to come in and have an impact on them. She might spark something in one but as soon as she gets home back to her reality and others sense that she is trying to do better for herself they will attack her spirit. I have seen it first hand happen "Oh she think she gone go to college cause she reading a book. You ain't going nowhere...you too stupid to go to any college." And those comments don't come from other kids...they come from the parents.
This is yet ANOTHER reason why knowing the entertainers they like is important. If you watch the behind the scenes stories of most of the black entertainers that appeal to that age group they had ROUGH lives. Drugs, abusive parents, absent fathers, molestation, etc and they used music/sports/acting as their way to get out. You rarely see these bad childhoods from lawyers, doctors, professors, engineers. I'm not saying it doesn't happen because I've had some wonderful guest speakers but it's not what they're seeing. So its not their reality. That is why they would look up to MJB vs Michelle Obama because they say "she went through what I went through and she made it." when they look at Michelle they see someone who was way ahead of them before the race even started.
I hope what I'm trying to convey makes sense. I am personally very vested in this demographic so it pisses me off to no end to see other black people talk about it so superficially.
As far as Michelle and why I think it's dangerous; people have been trying to prove they are racist from day one. Her doing something specific within the black community would spark all kinds of issues that may end up doing more harm than good.
OK - I see. I was looking at it from MObama's viewpoint and her effort. You are looking at it from the environment of the young female.
What you bolded above does not happen in the white community that I am aware of. To me, black community can get into a extreme view of what life should be - you are either a huge mega-personality which defines success or you are nothing. There is no middle ground. I guess if you strive to be nothing, you will hit it every time.
I tell my kids to be able to support themselves with something that they enjoy. Everyone is different and has different interests. You can be successful making a middle class income with no debt and enjoying your job. Don't let others define your success.
The family structure is the biggest influence in determining a child's outcome. Education is important if the parents hold that standard at home. MJBige's experiences are more profound when a parent discusses her past with their children. An influence form an outside entity like MObama can be very positive when supported by parents.
But when there is little hope, and you see others making money and getting attention for what they can do with their bodies at the strip club, or doing the wobble on music videos - the choice is usually pretty easy.
I have no arguments with your post except the last paragraph on a minor point. The last paragraph -- if the cause is important enough, you would push through the racist rants for the greater good. She ain't interested.
OK - I see. I was looking at it from MObama's viewpoint and her effort. You are looking at it from the environment of the young female.
What you bolded above does not happen in the white community that I am aware of. To me, black community can get into a extreme view of what life should be - you are either a huge mega-personality which defines success or you are nothing. There is no middle ground. I guess if you strive to be nothing, you will hit it every time.
I tell my kids to be able to support themselves with something that they enjoy. Everyone is different and has different interests. You can be successful making a middle class income with no debt and enjoying your job. Don't let others define your success.
The family structure is the biggest influence in determining a child's outcome. Education is important if the parents hold that standard at home. MJBige's experiences are more profound when a parent discusses her past with their children. An influence form an outside entity like MObama can be very positive when supported by parents.
But when there is little hope, and you see others making money and getting attention for what they can do with their bodies at the strip club, or doing the wobble on music videos - the choice is usually pretty easy.
I have no arguments with your post except the last paragraph on a minor point. The last paragraph -- if the cause is important enough, you would push through the racist rants for the greater good. She ain't interested.
I think that it is oversimplistic to state that if Michelle Obama isn't tackling XYZ issue that it means that she isn't interested.
It really is not a "fair" argument to make. That would be the same as saying Laura Bush didn't care about the White community because she didn't tackle the meth epidemic or the White underclass trailer park culture during her husband's presidency.
She is not the First Lady of Black folks, she is the First Lady of the United States of America. And personally I am glad that she is focusing on childhood obesity and healthier eating because it is the root of many of America's major problems. And yet she got a backlash from the Twinkie brigade over that as well.
And Medicaid paid for 75 percent of births for women who had births more than two years before they intended.
Medical care for unintended pregnancy costs $11 billion a year, much of which are Medicaid dollars.
In 2008, of the roughly 4.2 million births, 1.6 million were unintended, 600,000 were unwanted, another 600,000 were mistimed by more than two years and 400,000 were mistimed by less than two years
Yes, but as a married black woman, I feel like some sort of platform has to be created, to break the cycle.
Ummm....birth control??
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