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If the "vast" majority of black women are single mothers then why would the majority band together to protest against themselves?
Just a question of logic.
They should be banding together to HELP their selves deal with the fact that having a baby is not going to trap a guy who doesn't want a full time relationship. Figure out how to stop making that same mistake over and over again (i.e. get a clue and try a new tactic). And, take some responsibility for the situations they're in. Same goes for the white woman who doesn’t deserve to be a mother to even one child let alone five.
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By the way, Nadya Suleman (White woman collecting welfare after having a total of 14 kids out of wedlock) says "Hello"
Yup, didn't once say there weren't white woman in the same boat, usually referred to as "white trash" but this forum doesn't have a lot of those women complaining about how unfair their lives are.
Why shouldn't they. Someone needs to care about this sh*t!! Apparently the community having a pity party doesn't see any relevance or connection of one to the other
Yup, didn't once say there weren't white woman in the same boat, usually referred to as "white trash" but this forum doesn't have a lot of those women complaining about how unfair their lives are.
Please quote the Black women (and only the Black women) posting on this thread who have stated this or anything of this nature.
Please quote the Black women (and only the Black women) posting on this thread who have stated this or anything of this nature.
Read below and there are others (about "12" I think ) like the "married" black woman who doesn't understand why more black women aren't helping these unfortunate single mother's....however I'm not wasting my time finding them for you. You know who they are and probably hear their complaints day after day.
*NB White trash typically don't air their dirty laundry on forums like this....can't imagine why....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ovcatto Outside of the fact that they might be too busy dealing with the problem as it exists, your question might be more appropriately answered by asking your question on a forum where there are significant numbers of black women? Just a thought.
(always puzzles me why people raise these questions on predominately white discussion forums when there are plenty of forums that African Americans actually frequent)
I was just about to make this point. Other than calipoppy, natalyjones, myself, maybe you (I vaguely recall you mentioning a wife, but I could be wrong), and maybe 2-3 others, there aren't a lot of black women posting regularly on C-D, especially on the P&OC forum. Who knows how many married black women will ever see this thread.
First of all, there are too many women of all races raising children alone, but I will put my two cents in on single black mothers. There is obviously some type of self esteem issues with women (of all races) that continue to have children with absent fathers. There is also a disconnect with black men being raised to not respect fatherhood. It's a cycle that will not be stopped until little girl's are taught to respect and love themselves and little boys are taught to love and respect themselves. The black community lets these *men* off the hook, zero accountability. If one my brother's fathered a child (or children) and basically ditched the child and mother, there would be hell to pay from our parents. We were raised to respect family, especially our children. Like I said, this is not only a black issue, this affects every race! It's all in how you're raised. If little boys grow up with no father around, they think it's acceptable. I think you have to start with your own son's and daughter's. Just my opinion.
I think there are black women mobilizing against single motherhood-they do so by not becoming a single mother. Unfortunately if there is a large population of black women that are single mom's, then like Ovacatto stated it becomes difficult to band against something that you are "a part of". The black women that aren't single mom's, obviously can "band" against it, but if there are more single black mom's than those that are not, I'm not sure how successful it would be? It's hard for me to really speak on this subject simply because I have a few friends that are single mom's and I know how difficult their lives are. I honestly feel for them and their children. My mom was a single mom(with my brother)... And it was hard on her too. Truly there were issues with "vetting" the men they procreated with. All of these women(that I know) admit to this. They WISH they would have made better decisions about who they had babies with. They *thought* things would turn out a certain way. But once things didn't, they had to be responsible and be the best parent they could be, given the circumstances. That is probably why it's hard for me to have contempt for single mom's, that I know are trying to do better despite the bad decisions they made prior to having their child.
FYI being married doesn't always mean that you are protected from becoming a single mom--divorce happens, and it happens quite often. One of the friends I have that is a "newly" single mom WAS married, and had a good marriage until she got pregnant and then things turned weird(I don't even want to explain it lol). Her baby is two now, and her marriage went from good to bad in that two year time frame. She never thought she'd become a single mom, and now she is, and she feels like crap about it.
Obviously having two functional *healthy* parents is better than having one parent that is overworked, tired, stressed, and doing it on her own. So in that way marriage is the best circumstance to have a child in, if, of course, the marriage is good. But on the same note not everyone believes in marriage, or finds that it's necessary if you want a child. I know couples that have children together but aren't married. They live together, and everything. Those women are probably labeled single mom's since they aren't married--but they have a live-in boyfriend that is very active in their child's life.
I don't think single moms' should be celebrated or treated like it isn't a "big deal". I see the latter as the new attitude amongst all races when it comes to single moms' and I agree that it is a problem. Really it's a problem for the child(ren). They need two active parents in their lives--whether the parents are married or not. That is truly my only concern, especially since I have a child of my own and I know much he loves his daddy and when all three of us spend time together. But I guess it's hard for me to be very angry with single mothers--that are trying--in the way the OP is. I have empathy if anything, especially now that I have a child and realize how difficult it is taking care of him *with* help. And so on that note I guess I don't have much to offer to this thread.
[quote=sunkisses87;25322349]I think there are black women mobilizing against single motherhood-they do so by not becoming a single mother. Unfortunately if there is a large population of black women that are single mom's, then like Ovacatto stated it becomes difficult to band against something that you are "a part of". The black women that aren't single mom's, obviously can "band" against it, but if there are more single black mom's than those that are not, I'm not sure how successful it would be? It's hard for me to really speak on this subject simply because I have a few friends that are single mom's and I know how difficult their lives are. I honestly feel for them and their children. My mom was a single mom(with my brother)... And it was hard on her too. Truly there were issues with "vetting" the men they procreated with. All of these women(that I know) admit to this. They WISH they would have made better decisions about who they had babies with. They *thought* things would turn out a certain way. But once things didn't, they had to be responsible and be the best parent they could be, given the circumstances. That is probably why it's hard for me to have contempt for single mom's, that I know are trying to do better despite the bad decisions they made prior to having their child.
FYI being married doesn't always mean that you are protected from becoming a single mom--divorce happens, and it happens quite often. One of the friends I have that is a "newly" single mom WAS married, and had a good marriage until she got pregnant and then things turned weird(I don't even want to explain it lol). Her baby is two now, and her marriage went from good to bad in that two year time frame. She never thought she'd become a single mom, and now she is, and she feels like crap about it.
Obviously having two functional *healthy* parents is better than having one parent that is overworked, tired, stressed, and doing it on her own. So in that way marriage is the best circumstance to have a child in, if, of course, the marriage is good. But on the same note not everyone believes in marriage, or finds that it's necessary if you want a child. I know couples that have children together but aren't married. They live together, and everything. Those women are probably labeled single mom's since they aren't married--but they have a live-in boyfriend that is very active in their child's life.
I don't think single moms' should be celebrated or treated like it isn't a "big deal". I see the latter as the new attitude amongst all races when it comes to single moms' and I agree that it is a problem. Really it's a problem for the child(ren). They need two active parents in their lives--whether the parents are married or not. That is truly my only concern, especially since I have a child of my own and I know much he loves his daddy and when all three of us spend time together. But I guess it's hard for me to be very angry with single mothers--that are trying--in the way the OP is. I have empathy if anything, especially now that I have a child and realize how difficult it is taking care of him *with* help. And so on that note I guess I don't have much to offer to this thread.[/quote
Very well said. There are some amazing single moms out there, that deserve praise. Single mom does not automatically equal bad mom - I've been there, and was successful at it. I put aside my own needs and wants for my child and focused on the child rather than who I would hook up with next. I get very tired of women blaming the absent fathers/society for their bad parenting. If they really made being a good parent the main priority, instead of dragging their two or three children around (as they dress for sex) looking for the next potential "relationship", children would grow up with a lot more self esteem; therefore breaking this awful chain.
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) like the "married" black woman who doesn't understand why more black women aren't helping these unfortunate single mother's....however I'm not wasting my time finding them for you. You know who they are and probably hear their complaints day after day. 
