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This afternoon my boyfriend let it slip that a friend of ours is pregnant..
and i'm freaking out. The mother is in high school around 16, the father 18, and i'm not the most educated person on how to help her. The father isn't in the picture so now i'm trying to scrape up every bit of information i can to help her. I would very, very,VERY much appreciate anyone's ideas on how i could help her and the best way to go about it. So far i only have information on our local crisis pregnancy centers, planned parenthoods, and other women care centers. If anyone could help me find information on all of her possible options i would be very grateful. Information on parenting, assistance, various kinds of adoptions, and of course..if she so chooses, abortion.
Anyone have ANY useful information for such trying times?
This afternoon my boyfriend let it slip that a friend of ours is pregnant..
and i'm freaking out. The mother is in high school around 16, the father 18, and i'm not the most educated person on how to help her. The father isn't in the picture so now i'm trying to scrape up every bit of information i can to help her. I would very, very,VERY much appreciate anyone's ideas on how i could help her and the best way to go about it. So far i only have information on our local crisis pregnancy centers, planned parenthoods, and other women care centers. If anyone could help me find information on all of her possible options i would be very grateful. Information on parenting, assistance, various kinds of adoptions, and of course..if she so chooses, abortion.
Anyone have ANY useful information for such trying times?
I'm not Christian but I am pro-Life. Here are some resources I found on the web that don't involve abortion. Not trying to preach here, just want to offer help from an angle I believe in. I hope everything works out for the young woman and her baby. This is a very sad situation
Teen Pregnancy Information (http://www.optionline.org/teen.html - broken link)
She's lucky to have a level headed friend like you to help her out!
Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource. They have help for women regardless of what path they take in their pregnancy. However, sometimes they can have the crazies outside protesting (either against abortion or against each other!) which can be really unnerving regardless of why you're going! If I was to bring a friend, I'd call ahead and see if there are any protesters outside. I've been accosted going into a PP in a very liberal city- and I was just going for my regular STD testing! Most times, there isn't anyone outside but in such a sensitive situation, you can't be too careful.
If this was my friend, I'd really play up adoption. At 16 with the father uninvolved (and probably a scumbag), that would be giving the child the best shot at life. PP should have information on reputable agencies in the area for both open and closed adoptions. I'm always slow on bringing up abortion because of the obvious, but let her know that you would support her if that's what she chooses to do as well.
Has she told her parents? How far along is she? The best thing you can do is be with her and support her. Since she's alone in this, going with her to Planned Parenthood, doctor's appointments, etc would be a huge help. Also, please encourage her to tell her parents unless there is a reasonable fear (as in they would kick her out, hurt her, etc). An adult needs to know whats going on, so if she can't go to her parents, please have her talk to a teacher, a counselor, or even your parents if they're willing to step in.
I would just offer to be there, no matter which option she takes and let her make the decision that she thinks it is best for HER... no matter what it is.
I would chose to go to Planned Parenthood to speak with someone there, you mention you already have the info on that. They will help with whatever choice she ends up making.
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The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. ~Henry David Thoreau
That's what i was thinking, but with the whole drama of the situation i was sure she thought of abortion as a possibility. I'm trying to find ways to help her emotionally also.
She's lucky to have a level headed friend like you to help her out!
Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource. They have help for women regardless of what path they take in their pregnancy. However, sometimes they can have the crazies outside protesting (either against abortion or against each other!) which can be really unnerving regardless of why you're going! If I was to bring a friend, I'd call ahead and see if there are any protesters outside. I've been accosted going into a PP in a very liberal city- and I was just going for my regular STD testing! Most times, there isn't anyone outside but in such a sensitive situation, you can't be too careful.
If this was my friend, I'd really play up adoption. At 16 with the father uninvolved (and probably a scumbag), that would be giving the child the best shot at life. PP should have information on reputable agencies in the area for both open and closed adoptions. I'm always slow on bringing up abortion because of the obvious, but let her know that you would support her if that's what she chooses to do as well.
Has she told her parents? How far along is she? The best thing you can do is be with her and support her. Since she's alone in this, going with her to Planned Parenthood, doctor's appointments, etc would be a huge help. Also, please encourage her to tell her parents unless there is a reasonable fear (as in they would kick her out, hurt her, etc). An adult needs to know whats going on, so if she can't go to her parents, please have her talk to a teacher, a counselor, or even your parents if they're willing to step in.
I'm sure she'll really appreciate your help.
I'm not sure if she has told her parents, and from what i hear this would be her second missed period,second positive pregnancy test.
I am trying to let her know that me and my bf are here for her (no matter how small the gesture may seem) and trying to get her to realize she can trust me so that she can have as much help as possible.
The only planned parenthood i've seen or been to had protesters with signs outside daily, but i'm not sure she would even be up to getting an appointment. So far she seems to be against getting help from a facility.
If she is leaning toward adoption, but is scared, talk to a local adoption agency to see if they have a support group or a mentor.
But she needs to start seeing a doctor, immediately. A small, but very important part, is buy her some vitamins, preferbably natal vitamins. She needs to keep the baby healthy and that is a very important first step.
I have a feeling she is going to refuse my help and just find a way to get the pregnancy over as quickly as possible, but i can get a hold of vitamins (at the very least) for her.
Another thought: If she doesn't want help should i just back off?
What are her parents like? Average, normal parents? If so, it might come down to you telling her parents. Or maybe your mom telling her mom. It might break your friendship if she finds out it was you, but someone has to be responsible here if she is not going to. So, first it might have to be you, so that her parents can take over the responsibility. Unwanted pregnancy isn't fun and we are made to feel shameful about it. But it is life (um, quite literally). It has happened over and over in the past and will continue in the future. But it is her life and another growing life inside that matter. If she opts for a D&C, it could impact her ability to conceive later in life. If she doesn't start taking care of her body, the baby--no matter who ends up with it--could suffer. If she doesn't start a healthy, monitered program for her pregancy--she could suffer if she has an unknown complication. She needs to have a good talk with someone older regarding her choices and what they will mean. It won't go away and it isn't something she can just flip a coin over.
The best thing for you to do is to hand the situation over to another mother, whether her own, yours, an aunt of hers, her grandmother, your grandmother--someone over the age of 25 that can take charge and guide her along her choice. Then you can hold her hand along the way.
Beyond helping her find information on her options and giving moral support for her to seek out help from an adult, I don't see that there is much you can do. Going to her parents might make things worse or could cause her to do something drastic out of shame or fear depending on what her home life is like.
The first thing she needs to do is get to a doctor ASAP and pick up some prenatal vitamins from the drug store. She then needs to speak with her parents or a trusted adult to try and figure out what she wants to do. All possible options carry various consequences for her and the child, so sitting down to write the pros and cons of all options might help her make a more informed decision.
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