Compliments that aren't really compliments (college, complex, woman, husband)
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How is "a$$ kissing" documented in psychology books? just curious! Or taught in psychology classes? Ohh wait: it's called being "politically correct" now! Pfff
While I will say that it takes a talent to accept compliments, these days however, is hard to define a real compliment against a "politically correct" one=a$$ kissing!"
Why would someone that you haven't seen in 4 years compliment your hair? why the HAIR? that's like saying: "your hair is the only one that still looks OK!". It's almost an insult!
My mom is an expert at giving those backhanded "compliments."
Someone gets a new hairstyle, loses a pound, or gets a new outfit and she says things like "Oh! It's SUCH an improvement!"
People say "thanks" but I'm sure they are either p*ssed off, posting about her online, or they're dumb enough to think she's really complimenting them.
Things my mom has said to "compliment" me:
(Upon seeing my very first apartment, which I set up myself) "It looks really nice, even if you leave the furniture set up this way."
(When I was wearing my hair up) "Your hair looks nice like that, even though you have that extremely low hairline at the back of your neck like I do. I could never get away with wearing mine up when it was longer."
(When talking about the past) "I was so proud of you always getting straight A's, that it outweighed the fact that you weren't in the in-crowd, and that you didn't have boyfriends."
Wow, yes, THESE comments are mean without a doubt.
But I am guilty of some other compliments who were sincere but have been stated here as mean. I guess I need to work on my language a bit more.
Gosh--people say all kinds of things based on all kinds of reasons. If I were to list all the stupid things that I have both said--and had said to me--whew. Well, I am just exhausted considering such a thing.
I have learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. Yes--on occasion the intent is about as discernible as an odor, but still, I find that *I* am happier if I assume the speaker is coming from a good place.
...but I am not above a good smack down when merited.
And on the other hand some people are looking for reasons to feel insulted. I'll always remember complimenting a co-worker on a beautiful necklace she was wearing. She responded, "Do you mean you like it on me, or do you just like the necklace?" This was delivered without a smile. Huh..?
My mom is an expert at giving those backhanded "compliments."
Someone gets a new hairstyle, loses a pound, or gets a new outfit and she says things like "Oh! It's SUCH an improvement!"
People say "thanks" but I'm sure they are either p*ssed off, posting about her online, or they're dumb enough to think she's really complimenting them.
Things my mom has said to "compliment" me:
(Upon seeing my very first apartment, which I set up myself) "It looks really nice, even if you leave the furniture set up this way."
(When I was wearing my hair up) "Your hair looks nice like that, even though you have that extremely low hairline at the back of your neck like I do. I could never get away with wearing mine up when it was longer."
(When talking about the past) "I was so proud of you always getting straight A's, that it outweighed the fact that you weren't in the in-crowd, and that you didn't have boyfriends."
I'm sorry, TracySam, but I laughed. I can see how you got into the mental health field.
How is "a$$ kissing" documented in psychology books? just curious! Or taught in psychology classes? Ohh wait: it's called being "politically correct" now! Pfff
While I will say that it takes a talent to accept compliments, these days however, is hard to define a real compliment against a "politically correct" one=a$$ kissing!"
Why would someone that you haven't seen in 4 years compliment your hair? why the HAIR? that's like saying: "your hair is the only one that still looks OK!". It's almost an insult!
The funny part is that a lot of people have been telling me lately that I look really good. And there's a reason for that--I had a serious medical condition and now I'm getting better, but some people aren't aware that I have this thing. Has nothing to do with my hair and everything to do with the fact that now I can breathe.
I don't think the hair compliment was NOT a compliment. When people (over 25) have longer hair, it DOES make you look older. Cutting it shoulder length or shorter DOES take years off.
Now, the one about "oh I didn't know it was you -- you look so nice". RUDE
"You made such a beautiful bride. I couldn't believe it was you" RUDE
People are just rude. They think it's OK or think you're not smart enough to pick up on their dig at you.
I hate that. I hadn't seen my oldest sister in many years (and for good reason). I was at a party and they were having little contest things where you could win silly prizes. One was a polaroid photo. I won the photo, had it taken, and sent it to my sister. Her response? You got FAAAT!!!!!! Okay, I was dressed nice, my hair looked nice, I had a huge smile on my face. All she could see was that I gained weight since I last saw her 13 years prior. Like I said, there is a good reason I don't see her or talk to her or have anything to do with her. I sent that photo 21 years ago. I haven't spoken to or seen her since.
I (and YOU) don't need people like that in you life!
Great decision! It sounds like she was actually very jealous of you for winning the contest. Your last sentence is great advice for all of us.
And on the other hand some people are looking for reasons to feel insulted. I'll always remember complimenting a co-worker on a beautiful necklace she was wearing. She responded, "Do you mean you like it on me, or do you just like the necklace?" This was delivered without a smile. Huh..?
You delivered the compliment to a highly over-sensitive person obviously. I don't know how anyone could take that compliment the wrong way...there was nothing sarcastic about it whatsoever. It was genuine. "Thank you" is the appropriate response.
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