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You can't be that miserable if you have a good job and on your way to get a masters.
Of course she can! She's entitled to her feelings. If she doesn't like the area, she doesn't like the area.
OP, I know what it's like to hate where you live. As others have pointed out, you can either transfer to another program or slog through until you're done with this one. I wouldn't go making any great commitments to the boyfriend, BTW.
If you decide to stay, see if you can take up some kind of new hobby. I was stuck in my last area for over a year waiting to move, and I made do with writing, visits with friends (be on the lookout for cheap flights), and getting into making mandalas. I also laid out a plan for my move, and goals like a five-year plan.
If you're feeling like attempting a little personal growth, maybe challenge yourself to find something good about the place. One way to do that is to go out and take pictures. That helped me a lot in my last year in my place. You might also try volunteering.
If the unrelenting desert bleakness is getting to you, invest in a few houseplants, and group them together for a little green oasis.
However - spring is coming, and that's when the desert blooms. Research it. In fact, research the history and background of your area - hit the local library and ask for suggestions about local history. You may well discover interesting places previously unknown to you this way that are within an hour or two's drive.
Stay in touch with old friends and family. But see if there are meet-up groups near you and be open to new friends with similar interests. Look into local concerts, plays, art exhibits, movies, etc. Explore your own creativity and make something or another.
Stay physically active - walk and bicycle now, before the weather heats up, then go swimming. Or ice-skating, year-round.
Decorate your living quarters in ways that feel comfortable. Include family photos, unless they make you more homesick. Ask your mom for your favorite recipes and make them frequently for a taste of home.
Plan a visit home when you get a chance. Is spring break travel a possibility? It's just a few weeks away. While you're home, make a serious effort to see what opportunities exist in your field, and if something looks good, see if you can meet with the head honchos (or at least the second-tier honchos) about potential future employment.
I'm young, a recent college grad and I moved away from home, partly to be closer to my boyfriend, partly to attend a 3 year graduate-school program. I'm almost done with my first year of the program. I have a pretty good paying job here, which I like and I like my grad program.
Despite this, day-to-day, I'm really pretty freaking miserable. I feel trapped. Almost suffocated living here.
I hate the state I live in, I hate the desert (I live in the desert). I hate being away from my parents... I know this sounds lame, because I'm an adult, but I'm really close to them and they're old and it hurts to think that I'm spending the last stretch of their life living in a different state.
I moved away from California and I do really regret it. I know there's a lot of Cali haters... lol, but I miss it so much... While cost of living here is much better, I long for the ocean, for green... I miss being able to take day-trips to San Francisco, I miss being able to drive to the ocean.
I know my situation could be a lot worse, I do, but I'm still feeling so sad. The thing is, whenever I think of moving back, I know it's not the "right" choice, just because my heart tell me it is. If I knew it was the right thing, I would have my car packed and be on my way back to San Francisco right now... but, I have a good job here, I'm getting a masters degree and if I stick through the next two years and THEN move, I know the "rest" of my life would go a lot smoother. If I move back now, quitting my job after a few months and move in with my parents, then what? What if I can't find a job? I don't want to leave where I am now to go 3 steps back in my career and I KNOW I won't be able to afford the cost of living in the Bay Area on my own.
I know the smart thing to do is to finish this program, but the thought of two more years here seems miserable. I don't like the suburb I'm in. There is hardly any nature in this state. It's boiling hot for most of the summer. There's no ocean. I hate the neighboring city (it's pretty freaking boring). I know I sound like negative Nancy and it's probably not as bad as I'm making it out to be, but I'm just feeling extremely homesick.
How does one cope with living in a city that they HATE...well, STRONGLY dislike? How can I make it through the next two years without going bonkers?
Leave. You're not stuck anywhere. There are so many people in Arizona who move here and complain incessantly about things that they cannot change. The desert was brown before you got here and will be brown after you leave. There was no ocean before you got here and there will be no ocean after you leave. If you can't learn to accept and embrace where you are, living anywhere besides "home" will be hell. Arizona is not California. It can be a hard transition moving anywhere new and some people just aren't cut out for it.
If you're so miserable, leave your program, and find another school in California. I don't know what else to tell someone who has already given up on an entire state. There is so much in Arizona that's not just some barren hot desert. It's a shame that some people see so little and give up so easily. Oh well.
I'm actually thinking back half a century (I was in 2nd & 3rd grade). My family was living in Tempe, Arizona, as my Dad worked on an engineering degree.
We didn't have much money, but we did take advantage of the location to do some sight seeing. We visited the Grand Canyon, for example. Definitely worth visiting at least once in a life time, it truly is Grand. I also recall visiting Montezuma Castle, and a Mexican border town
If the unrelenting desert bleakness is getting to you, invest in a few houseplants, and group them together for a little green oasis.
However - spring is coming, and that's when the desert blooms. Research it. In fact, research the history and background of your area - hit the local library and ask for suggestions about local history. You may well discover interesting places previously unknown to you this way that are within an hour or two's drive.
Yep, that's why I suggested photography. Some killer sunsets in the desert from what my friends' Instagram feeds show. I would try to find the beauty in nature there. That goes twice over for a place I'd not want to set foot in again once I leave because of the people, politics, local laws, lifestyle, or any of the other reasons that people give for not liking a location. Sounds hokey, but flora, fauna, and the vista never do anything to offend. Heck, if I were in the desert, I might be compelled to get into some kind of night photography, or astrophotography.
As someone who's longing to get to a place like Phoenix, I envy the position you're at.
It's still not terribly long from CA beaches, there are mountains within bicycling range, and of course it has all the urban amenities I grew accustomed to while living out in the CA desert.
So yeah, I'm an "Actual Desert Rat". I say that because of the numerous, nearly violent confrontations I get into with people in eastern NM/west TX that consider this plain a desert.
Nearly four years out here in this weird place and I still feel like an outsider.
That said, all the suggestions mentioned above would work quite well.
Despite being fired from a job I was intending to transfer out of here with, I've been keeping various routes of escape in mind;
A)Continue looking for other, local trucking gigs in the Phoenix area and snatch it up, and move as soon as I'm qualified.
B)Attempt to hold out here a little longer with my current job, or bounce to another one while finishing up the nursing program or something at the local community college. Then move and get into another field altogether.
or C) Just cobble my resources together to get me by for a few months in someplace like Phoenix while searching for work after I get there.
When I got out here from Victorville CA a little over three years ago, I knew there would be some continual doubts about living out here.
But I rolled with the punches and tried to make it work.
It ultimately became a bit of a 50/50 scenario where I gained work experience, and to a lesser extent, some nice toys from the venture.
However, a new-found and long-standing grudge with the supervisor from my old job, lack of any real relationships(friend or romantic, not a whole lot of people I see eye-to-eye with) to be had, and of course a 10-15 hour drive from anything I'd like to do has really killed the vibe with this area for me.
I say keep the goals out in front of you and continue doing things like going to school, or working out/yoga/fight classes,. etc, or taking as many non-work related road trips as possible to keep yourself from going mad.
I think it's awesome how much you love your parents. I hope my kids think something similar some day. (Although I'm betting they're younger than you're thinking.)
If you're committed to staying where you are, some suggestions (and I don't like my new state either: I miss VA):
Look into Meet Up groups. I've been completely surprised at the nice people I've met.
If you're an animal lover -- only if -- adopt a small dog or cat (keeping in mind that it's a 12 to 18 year commitment. Visit dog parks to hang out with others.
Find a few parts of your new town that really do make you happy like a great hair stylist, a great dentist etc. Sounds dorky but focus on these great people to some degree.
Even if it's rough financially, try to get an inexpensive pedicure or something like it once a week.
Get out w/ your laptop to Panera and drink coffee and work (sometimes just being out helps).
Find a senior home that is positive and kept up and visit once or twice a month. Bring flowers and chat w/ the residences. I did this recently and it was fun.
Find something like a yoga class that has a good teacher.
These little things seem goofy, but do two a week and you might start feeling better.
I would call my parents daily to chat -- they'd love it. And why not? People in other cultures do this sort of thing without thinking twice about it.
I'm young, a recent college grad and I moved away from home, partly to be closer to my boyfriend, partly to attend a 3 year graduate-school program. I'm almost done with my first year of the program. I have a pretty good paying job here, which I like and I like my grad program.
Despite this, day-to-day, I'm really pretty freaking miserable. I feel trapped. Almost suffocated living here.
I hate the state I live in, I hate the desert (I live in the desert). I hate being away from my parents... I know this sounds lame, because I'm an adult, but I'm really close to them and they're old and it hurts to think that I'm spending the last stretch of their life living in a different state.
I moved away from California and I do really regret it. I know there's a lot of Cali haters... lol, but I miss it so much... While cost of living here is much better, I long for the ocean, for green... I miss being able to take day-trips to San Francisco, I miss being able to drive to the ocean.
I know my situation could be a lot worse, I do, but I'm still feeling so sad. The thing is, whenever I think of moving back, I know it's not the "right" choice, just because my heart tell me it is. If I knew it was the right thing, I would have my car packed and be on my way back to San Francisco right now... but, I have a good job here, I'm getting a masters degree and if I stick through the next two years and THEN move, I know the "rest" of my life would go a lot smoother. If I move back now, quitting my job after a few months and move in with my parents, then what? What if I can't find a job? I don't want to leave where I am now to go 3 steps back in my career and I KNOW I won't be able to afford the cost of living in the Bay Area on my own.
I know the smart thing to do is to finish this program, but the thought of two more years here seems miserable. I don't like the suburb I'm in. There is hardly any nature in this state. It's boiling hot for most of the summer. There's no ocean. I hate the neighboring city (it's pretty freaking boring). I know I sound like negative Nancy and it's probably not as bad as I'm making it out to be, but I'm just feeling extremely homesick.
How does one cope with living in a city that they HATE...well, STRONGLY dislike? How can I make it through the next two years without going bonkers?
I look at pretty pictures of different places on the internet where I'd like to live. Then I read comments about them. Then I look at the cost of living there. Then I figure I can't go anywhere right now, but enjoy thinking about it, and make the best of my circumstances, going to places I like and restaurants I enjoy.
Oh, and by the way, I HATE where we're living at right now, but don't have much choice about it. So I think about what I'd like to do in the future, and investigate it if possible. In your case, you can think about where you'd like to go, look at employment prospects there. Everyone has different tastes. I remember visiting Arizona, taking a buggy trip in the desert, and hearing residents there tell me how much they LOVED the desert. (Not me.) So if you can "visit" some places on the internet, you might keep yourself busy in the meantime. Take care. (P.S. - I always loved water -- even just looking at it. There is little water where we're at. Ugh. BUT -- I keep dreaming of the future, that keeps me in a better frame of mind, too.) I visited S.F. years ago, I liked the weather a lot. Many people do. Two years may seem like a long time, but it goes by quickly. You'll get there. But otoh, if you can't make it where you're at, don't let it get you down, don't let it depress you. I hope this makes sense.
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While cost of living here is much better, I long for the ocean, for green... I miss being able to take day-trips to San Francisco, I miss being able to drive to the ocean.
