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I suspect people may have interpreted your sharing the deeply personal aspects of this woman's life as inappropriate, and possibly even considered it a ploy for attention on your part. If it wasn't something she freely shared with others on her own social media feed, let alone in her "real life," you probably should have left it alone after her death.
The poster said they shared news of her death if I understand correctly, and no one responded.
I'm not that surprised. People seem to want to hear what they want and will go silent or change subject if things get too real or go somewhere that may make them at all uncomfortable. Happens a lot, and kills relationships.
The poster said they shared news of her death if I understand correctly, and no one responded.
I'm not that surprised. People seem to want to hear what they want and will go silent or change subject if things get too real or go somewhere that may make them at all uncomfortable. Happens a lot, and kills relationships.
Exactly. Over the years I have noticed that most of my high school classmates on Facebook are part of a group of about 25 people who all keep in touch with each other, and always attend the reunions. Most of them I did not know until high school, therefore didnt share a childhood with them. They are very nice people but not people I would necessarily keep in close touch with.
I have a feeling a lot of them looked her up in the yearbook and went "oh yeah her. The sl**." It's just sad. We were in Bluebirds together, took piano lessons together, I took my first drag off a cigarette (yuck!) behind her parents' house, I remember first listening to The Beatles and The Rolling Stones with her when we were 12. I did not know that at that very same time, she was being trafficked.
The poster said they shared news of her death if I understand correctly, and no one responded.
I'm not that surprised. People seem to want to hear what they want and will go silent or change subject if things get too real or go somewhere that may make them at all uncomfortable. Happens a lot, and kills relationships.
I've always said that about Facebook; someone could post "cheeseburger for lunch" and get 50 likes and 25 comments; another might post something truly profound, thought-provoking, and significant (and no, I don't mean politics) and it's "radio silence." Either Facebook just doesn't lend itself to that or, as seems to be the case, the person making popular frivolous posts has a solid group of followers who either really like them or like everything and anything they post as some sort of reciprocal agreement (they also validate the others).
Someone I know has a small child and is CONSTANTLY posting pics and vids, basically bragging about how cute and smart he is. It's amazing the number of people who enthusiastically agree. I can only assume that person does the same for the other parents when they constantly post pics and vids of their children and basically brag about how cute and smart THEY are.
I've always said that about Facebook; someone could post "cheeseburger for lunch" and get 50 likes and 25 comments; another might post something truly profound, thought-provoking, and significant (and no, I don't mean politics) and it's "radio silence." Either Facebook just doesn't lend itself to that or, as seems to be the case, the person making popular frivolous posts has a solid group of followers who either really like them or like everything and anything they post as some sort of reciprocal agreement (they also validate the others).
Someone I know has a small child and is CONSTANTLY posting pics and vids, basically bragging about how cute and smart he is. It's amazing the number of people who enthusiastically agree. I can only assume that person does the same for the other parents when they constantly post pics and vids of their children and basically brag about how cute and smart THEY are.
This is exactly what most of my Facebook friends are like. I like and approve of peoples' grandchildren but it's radio silence when a childhood friend has a tragic life and dies at age 60.
Whatever. I've always been a deep thinker and I've always known that most people are not deep thinkers. It still bothers me and that's on me.
I'm not part of the circle jerk and that's why I don't attend high school reunions anymore. I went to the first three - that was enough.
I've always said that about Facebook; someone could post "cheeseburger for lunch" and get 50 likes and 25 comments; another might post something truly profound, thought-provoking, and significant (and no, I don't mean politics) and it's "radio silence." Either Facebook just doesn't lend itself to that or, as seems to be the case, the person making popular frivolous posts has a solid group of followers who either really like them or like everything and anything they post as some sort of reciprocal agreement (they also validate the others).
Someone I know has a small child and is CONSTANTLY posting pics and vids, basically bragging about how cute and smart he is. It's amazing the number of people who enthusiastically agree. I can only assume that person does the same for the other parents when they constantly post pics and vids of their children and basically brag about how cute and smart THEY are.
"You go girl!" "Sooo smart and sooo cute!" "You are such a good mom!"
I bet they just cut and paste the same phrases and pass them around.
That is a dumbed down sicky sweet Disney attention grab that people love to be part of in this social media psychological experiment. Dopamine hits I guess.
Sonic I agree with this completely except the part about not sharing something sad or awful. I stated on my other thread that a childhood friend of mine was trafficked and raped and forced into two abortions before age 14 and she wa never able to have children. I shared her death on Facebook and not one single freaking person even shared an emoticon let alone a comment. I think it is highly callous and actually disgusting that people who knew this woman as a child and a teenager refuse even say something or make a gesture.
I actually struggle with what to say when something truly tragic is shared, especially a death. I mean, if there is something that I can DO for a grieving person, I will do it. 100%. I am much more likely to actually show up for someone if I can, than I think many people are. But on a forum or social media, it just feels so trite. Like I will stare at a post, and my heart is feeling things, but I don't know how to put it into words. An emoji? Ugh. "Sorry for your loss"...? Pfft. And if I share a memory or thought about the person, I feel I'm "making it about myself" in some way. Also, when someone passes on, I find it hard to say words about them if I did not actually know them...THAT seems very fake to me. Like perhaps those classmates judged her harshly back then and they think it would be shamefully disingenuous now to act as though she was a friend?
It's just hard to know just what to say when the words seem far too flimsy to express the gravity of the situation, y'know? And nothing that can be said will change what has happened.
But as I've said before, what I really don't get, is what motivates people to continue to engage online with others whose way of speaking or interacting specifically bothers them. I will certainly use the tools at hand to close the door on people whose behavior on any form of social media isn't what I want to engage with, and I fully encourage, support and respect that if someone else has a problem with the content that I share or the way that I communicate, by all means block, hide, ignore, unfollow or unfriend!
I don't go around trying to upset anybody. Really, I don't. Though I know that a lot of things about me, are not everybody's cup of tea. But like, anyone who looked at my vacation photos and felt that I was being annoyingly fake/positive, or those who look for and find offense where it's not intended... They are bringing something to the interaction that I don't really care to deal with. Someone so determined to misunderstand my motivations or be upset about a moment of happiness in my life, was not an actual friend, nor likely to ever be one. If they were, they'd know me better than that, I would think!
And so, if they're not, then /shrug... Bye!
But what I'm getting from this thread is that sticky-sweet, or salty-sour might be just as much a matter of personal taste and preference as the metaphor implies!
And that is why it is so fake and shallow. You are supposed to Like all the fluff and anything of substance barely gets a response. Ugh.
I guess I see my vacation time as personal as anything else, so I wouldn't post that either. I can understand having a page for work purposes or something shared only with true close friends and family, or a page related to a topic. But I think I would stick to the topic, and have to tolerate others not sticking to it and posting pointless fluff crap.
I've noticed the same type of thing on forums, not so much this site but something like a tv show forum, gods forbid you criticize anything about the show, even if the criticism has merit and could make for a good discussion. You get screamed at for being mean and negative and asked if you "hate the show why are you here?!" and you are just trying to discuss something topical on a discussion board.
I get this...but sometimes, people don't know the whole story, of what ever is being said on Facebook, and make comments that can make things worse. I am NOT AT ALL saying this is what Pathrunner does...but it reminded me of a 'situation' that is being played out with a couple of Facebook friends of mine.
I know a married couple, where the husband has Ahlzeimers. He's had it for 3 or 4 years now. His wife was doing her best to take care of him. I used to work with the wife.
Well, at the end of last year, the wife got deathly sick, and her care was beyond anything he could handle, and she couldn't take care of him either. This involved chest tubes, multiple surgeries...a LOT. She's expected to make a full...but slow recovery. So, her sister in Colorado came and got her, and is nursing her back to health, and HIS family is taking care of him.
Some days, he thinks she left him because of the Ahlzeimers, and he says things on Facebook to that effect. Many of their mutual friends know the truth...but he has friends from high school and who knows where else, who fully believe that his wife left him because of his Ahlzeimers. She will often get on Facebook and try to encourage him...but more and more...he thinks she left him, and he tells everyone that. And...they believe him, and they think they're helping, and they think they know what's happening...but they don't.
It gets really really discouraging all the way around, and these friends who don't really know what's going on, hurt his wife's (my friend) feelings.
Sorry...forgot to say my point. lol
So sometimes, people remain quiet, because either they don't want to contribute to the drama, or they know the truth of the matter, etc.
I don't know why "I'm so sorry for your loss" or even "thoughts and prayers" is any more trite or fake than "You go, girl!" or "She is just the cutest!" But maybe the intimation of mortality brings so-called positive people down, and they don't like it.
A ploy for attention? Surely you jest. I am pro choice because no female should ever be trafficked or forced to have two forced illegal abortions on her at age 13 and 14.
These things happen to people - real people -ALL of the time. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away or cease to exist.
I do not expect people to agree with me. But it is strange that someone would not express regret over something that happened to a childhood classmate or friend.
It's not about that. Nothing wrong with sharing news of her death, but including personal details of her life wasn't appropriate. And no, I'm joking. I'm pro-choice as well, but not everything needs to be taken as an opportunity to jump on a soapbox.
Anyway, you've been complaining in this and another thread about being ignored on social media — just trying to provide some insight.
I don't know why "I'm so sorry for your loss" or even "thoughts and prayers" is any more trite or fake than "You go, girl!" or "She is just the cutest!" But maybe the intimation of mortality brings so-called positive people down, and they don't like it.
I think because a death feels like really serious stuff and a picture of a baby is relatively light. If I hear about a death, I wish to convey something...meaningful? If the grieving party is someone I know or care about, a hug might speak louder than any words. Or, as in a recent situation...food. My ex found a friend dead about a week ago, and was alone to handle a bunch of arrangements and notifications. I arranged, in a roundabout way, to have an old mutual friend bring him something to eat after he'd told me that all he had around the house were "depressing" cheap frozen dinners. I was chatting with my father yesterday and told him about this whole situation, and he said, "If he lived in the South, everyone would bring him food. He'd be buried in gifts of food until he asked them to stop!" Maybe so.
But it doesn't feel awful to be trite or whatever about a photo of a kid or a pet, it's easy enough to just say, "Aww, adorable!" and drop a little token positive energy on it, since that's what the poster probably expects.
Honestly though when I think of the more "negative" of my social media friends, it's usually the ones who are forever yelling about some grievance. Like how men/women are trash, or the latest in some ongoing drama with whatever awful people they are dealing with, or persistent talk about how their health is preventing them from working along with yet another GoFundMe request... Just a whole litany of woes.
They may very well think of me as some fake Pollyanna for being more positive than I am negative. But they are also thinking of their own struggles as being the norm, because for them...they are.
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