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It's not about that. Nothing wrong with sharing news of her death, but including personal details of her life wasn't appropriate. And no, I'm joking. I'm pro-choice as well, but not everything needs to be taken as an opportunity to jump on a soapbox.
Anyway, you've been complaining in this and another thread about being ignored on social media — just trying to provide some insight.
What you're reminding me of is that these FB friends that I'm complaining about they never ever ever post anything about the other side of life: the trials, the tribulations, they never ask for prayers or good thoughts, or share that they're going through a tough time **without disclosing details** that's what I'm trying to get at here. It's that they likely think I'm violating some unwritten or unspoken rule of Facebook that you're not supposed to post anything but fluff or joy. Like, if you do you're some kind of downer or mental case.
As for my friend who was trafficked at age 12-14 (by a dance school/"modeling agency"), she has long ago passed away -- 9 years ago. She had no family left except one sibling that she was never in touch with so I don't feel any qualms at all about sharing what happened to her because people need to be made aware that this happens right in your own town, right in your own school... wherever you are. It is happening. And it was 1963. Nineteen Sixty-Three.
And after being trafficked she was forced into 2 illegal abortions in Tijuana and a girl next to her in the back seat of the station wagon died on the way back. She had to ride with a dead body next to her after having a 2nd illegal abortion which rendered her unable to have children.
So sorry if I interrupted FB people's fluff. They can't tolerate 1% of real life along with their 99% fluff. Otterhere is correct -- they'd rather talk about cheeseburgers.
In a way, I get it: We can't control trafficking but we CAN control cheeseburgers so that's what people put their attention on.
What you're reminding me of is that these FB friends that I'm complaining about they never ever ever post anything about the other side of life: the trials, the tribulations, they never ask for prayers or good thoughts, or share that they're going through a tough time **without disclosing details** that's what I'm trying to get at here. It's that they likely think I'm violating some unwritten or unspoken rule of Facebook that you're not supposed to post anything but fluff or joy. Like, if you do you're some kind of downer or mental case.
As for my friend who was trafficked at age 12-14 (by a dance school/"modeling agency"), she has long ago passed away -- 9 years ago. She had no family left except one sibling that she was never in touch with so I don't feel any qualms at all about sharing what happened to her because people need to be made aware that this happens right in your own town, right in your own school... wherever you are. It is happening. And it was 1963. Nineteen Sixty-Three.
And after being trafficked she was forced into 2 illegal abortions in Tijuana and a girl next to her in the back seat of the station wagon died on the way back. She had to ride with a dead body next to her after having a 2nd illegal abortion which rendered her unable to have children.
So sorry if I interrupted FB people's fluff. They can't tolerate 1% of real life along with their 99% fluff. Otterhere is correct -- they'd rather talk about cheeseburgers.
In a way, I get it: We can't control trafficking but we CAN control cheeseburgers so that's what people put their attention on.
If so many people on your social media are choosing not to engage with you, it's you, not them — provided they actually see your posts. Facebook is funny that way. And some people use social media as a break from real life. So what. You may not have had "qualms" about sharing her story, but it probably wasn't yours to tell. There are more effective ways of advocating for trafficking awareness than this.
Not that it's any of your business, but I use FB for business purposes and to keep up with family and friends and would never dream of expecting everyone else to post only how I want them to post.
You've got one thing right, at least. I don't ask for "thoughts and prayers." Don't eat cheeseburgers, either.
I saw that an old friend whom I hadn't seen in some years--but who had just reconnected with me through FB the year before--had died. Her sister posted the news about her death on the friend's FB page.
I was stunned, because this woman was only 55 years old and just a few days earlier had posted something about being happy to be back in NJ (she'd lived in SC for a few years where her family always vacationed) and then three days later her sister is posting the news of her death.
I didn't know the sister well and wasn't sure she'd even remember me, but instead of posting on the page with the death announcement, I messaged the sister asking if she remembered me from years before and asked what had happened to my old friend. She graciously wrote back with the details--it was a weird, previously-unknown condition that caused a sudden death--she was found reclining on the couch, TV on, her Uber Eats delivery from the night before on the front porch.
I'm glad I wrote to her privately.
Several days later the sister put up a video of the graveside service, which I watched. My friend's pastor brother-in-law spoke of her recovery from addiction, which I hadn't really known about but didn't surprise me from things I recalled from our earlier years, and which also made sense since the death had had something to do with liver disease. I did smile, however, at the BIL referring to her loss being felt by her "best friend Patty". My friend's family was very religious, so perhaps they did not ever know that "Patty" was not just her best friend but her long-time lover and partner. Or perhaps they did, who knows. That might fall under "Faking on Social Media."
"You go girl!" "Sooo smart and sooo cute!" "You are such a good mom!"
I bet they just cut and paste the same phrases and pass them around.
That is a dumbed down sicky sweet Disney attention grab that people love to be part of in this social media psychological experiment. Dopamine hits I guess.
Hey, I will shamelessly admit that I get those dopamine hits over the "Likes" on the photographs I post on my FB page, which is 95% of what I post. I like sharing my photos, which are basically mostly nature-related and things I see locally in parks, in woods, near various bodies of water. It's all about catching the light, and sometimes a scene you look at day after day at 2 p.m. can look completely different in early morning or late afternoon light.
I took up photography later in life, post-retirement, and I enjoy it, and what's the point of taking photos if you don't share them? I'm not the best photographer in the world by far (some of the fantastic pictures put up on the Photography forum right here on City-Data shame mine) but people seem to like them, so that's what I post. I'll take the likes. They balance out the sadness that overshadows my life right now. Someday they will learn what else was going on when I took those walks and sought the beauty that I shared with them.
Hey, I will shamelessly admit that I get those dopamine hits over the "Likes" on the photographs I post on my FB page, which is 95% of what I post. I like sharing my photos, which are basically mostly nature-related and things I see locally in parks, in woods, near various bodies of water. It's all about catching the light, and sometimes a scene you look at day after day at 2 p.m. can look completely different in early morning or late afternoon light.
I took up photography later in life, post-retirement, and I enjoy it, and what's the point of taking photos if you don't share them? I'm not the best photographer in the world by far (some of the fantastic pictures put up on the Photography forum right here on City-Data shame mine) but people seem to like them, so that's what I post. I'll take the likes. They balance out the sadness that overshadows my life right now. Someday they will learn what else was going on when I took those walks and sought the beauty that I shared with them.
That sounds lovely, that is the kind of thing I'd love to see more of on social media than the routine stuff that many people post about all day or a bunch of vacation shots with filters that make the poster look fabulous, and the scenery or historic site around them is secondary.
Photography that is done for the art of it is genuine, not boring unless the person posting it is always the star of the photos (with some exceptions- some talented people do interesting photos with themselves as subject). But a lot of people just want their car selfie and picture of their pasta salad lunch liked by all.
I used to do that, too, rationalizing that "sharing the beauty of nature, etc." was indeed justification for being on Facebook. In fact, I studied photography as a young person and even had photos exhibited and published, but when EVERYONE became a photographer with the advent of first digital cameras and then cell phones (I used an old school SLR and developed my own film and prints), it lost some of its luster for me. Especially when filters and other technological tricks made everyone a GOOD photographer. Now even the most mundane compositions with no sign of an eye for design get lavish praise. And yet still the lunch pics seem to win out???
The one thing I've learned on this thread is people are paying a LOT of attention to what does and does not get attention.
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LOL, yeah the attention thing is strange sometimes.
I'm not really into selfies. I am far more likely to post something of me making a weird face, than one of me trying to be pretty or sexy. I almost never wear makeup, it's not really my thing. But one day I'd bought some new lipstick and I was trying out makeup for a party I was going to, and before I left I was sitting outside on my back patio, and I wanted to use my camera to see if the lipstick was holding up. And I was like, ya know...this doesn't look half bad. I took a "selfie." But in that moment, I'd also been reading some drama on the Facebooks and I was feeling vaguely fed up and sarcastic. My own take on the expression that I made, was a kind of half smile, raised eyebrow, "whatever, it's all stupid." It most certainly was not a beauty shot, a "look at me, I'm pretty" kind of face.
I made it my profile pic and it's probably been the same for I dunno, a few years now at least.
And it struck me as completely bizarre that it got a ton of positive feedback, likes, loves, "beautiful" and whatnot. Like that was not remotely what I was shooting for. It wasn't what I felt or what I saw or what I see even now looking at that photo.
But my perception of self from the inside is that my face is more a vehicle for expression of my thoughts and feelings, not so much a "pretty" kind of face. I've never felt like that kind of person. I've never felt comfortable trying to be feminine, girly, or pretty. So that disconnect...I don't know, it feels weird. I decided to take the responses as, people who like or care about me, responding in the way that they felt they should. They were being nice. So I'm OK with that.
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