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I have a major regret in my life that has been weighing on me for a few years now. Its regarding a relationship with a family member. They are still alive, so its possible I still have time to do something about it.
So it probably isn't a surprise I was drawn to this audiobook - The Power of Regret. It sounds a bit cheesy, but its deep, and really thought-provoking. It goes completely against the pop-psychology notion of having "no regrets." I highly recommend it.
The author has been conducting research on regret through his website with a survey - https://worldregretsurvey.com/ - so far more than 19,000 people have submitted a significant regret they have, along with some basic demographic information. Its anonymous, and only takes a minute to complete. I submitted mine.
If you click on the survey link, and scroll down, there is a map where you can read regrets people have submitted from all over the world by country, and in the US and Canada, by state. Its really amazing to see the commonalities of what people regret in their lives, despite age and gender.
I have some regrets for sure, and totally agree that the "no regrets!" ethic is shallow and diminishes the complexity of life, of relationships, of choices seen in hindsight. Sometimes amends can be made, sometimes they can't because a person is no longer alive or no longer in your life or they aren't interested or don't see things the same way you do. I don't think just because you regret a thing it means you have some emotional requirement to go back and try to change it. I mean if you can and you want to, great. Or not.
The thing is though, that because I think regrets can be valuable as a way of processing all the things we humans live through in a life, mine don't "weigh on me." They are there. I can reflect on them, even appreciate them as part of my whole life's journey... which has been going on for quite a while now.
Remember the immortal words of George Taylor!......"It's a bit late for a wake, she's been dead for almost a year." POTA (talking about astronaut Stewart)
Regrets are one thing but as none of us has a time machine and can't change our past, being weighed down by them is probably useless.
Oh yeah. I have plenty of regrets. Some of them will really torment me if I allow them to. Regret can make you learn some valuable lessons if you go back and consider the actions you now regret and learn how to do things differently the next time around. But sometimes we do what we now regret because our options were limited or we didn't know then what we know now. Regrets that you feel helpless about can be like battery acid to your soul - at least in my case they can be like that.
For the most part, I generally come to realize that I did the best I could in any given situation and I can at least think about forgiving myself. Some of my worst regrets are over things I did or said out of anger - a knee jerk response without considering the consequences. I am trying to learn to count to ten or just temporarily disengage myself from the situation before responding because I hate apologizing, but I hate myself if I don't least try to make some sort of amends.
Life is a journey and I just have to go on putting my best foot forward as best I can.
I have some regrets for sure, and totally agree that the "no regrets!" ethic is shallow and diminishes the complexity of life, of relationships, of choices seen in hindsight. Sometimes amends can be made, sometimes they can't because a person is no longer alive or no longer in your life or they aren't interested or don't see things the same way you do. I don't think just because you regret a thing it means you have some emotional requirement to go back and try to change it. I mean if you can and you want to, great. Or not.
The thing is though, that because I think regrets can be valuable as a way of processing all the things we humans live through in a life, mine don't "weigh on me." They are there. I can reflect on them, even appreciate them as part of my whole life's journey... which has been going on for quite a while now.
I must be very shallow then it’s not an ethic. All the decisions I have made were calculated risks and those that didn’t turn out I accepted as a consequence and a challenge. .It certainly hasn’t undermined the complexities I’ve had to face in life. I think for the most part I learned many of these lessons very early in life. This one in particular : “ To live life without regrets doesn’t mean you never make a mistake. It doesn’t mean you never fail. It means that you live life to the fullest and learn from your experiences.“ https://www.betterplaceforests.com/b...ithout-regrets
Poor decisions rather than regrets, suffering the consequences of those decisions have helped make me the person I am today. I try not to dwell. No one to apologize to. Every action begins with a thought, not acting on some of those thoughts would have saved me some grief.
Too many to count... It seems MOST of the actions I've taken in life have been the wrong decisions, and it makes me very nervous about making more going forward. Of course I realize that doing nothing is also making a decision, but it seems to be what I'm doing as a default!
Last edited by otterhere; 10-02-2022 at 10:15 AM..
I am a risk taker.. what people never grasp except those that do it is that taking risks largely = negative consequences. A wise man told me to fail, and fail quickly so as best to move on. We carry our failures with us but they make us better risk takers. You can live a standard existence but I read an article that interviewed old people on their deathbed and one of the top things they would do differently is take more risk. Its a simplistic view but I believe there is some truth to it.
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