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Is the problem that you can't find any 30's-40's guys at all, or that you are finding them, just not the ones you want? (i.e. not tall enough, mature enough, etc.)
Those are two different problems.
I believe the original post was quite clear on that. Don't you agree?
Unfortunately, as has been mentioned, you're playing a harder game now: since men tend to date younger women (and a lot of women in their 20s will date an older man if he has style and money), the pool of 'quality' single men in their 30s and 40s who are willing to date women in their 30s and 40s has got to be vanishingly small. That's one reason why that Lori Gottlieb article a year or two ago was so controversial -- there was at least a grain of truth to it.
I have heard that the male/female ratio is more favourable on the west coast than the east coast, though.
chwboy
I had to Google this article to see what you were talking about:
Quote:
My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics.
And she's NOT being facetious. Um, if anybody thinks that this advice will make them happy, then GO FOR IT. But little quirks like this have a funny habit of making me want to stab the offender, so I will pass.
I had to Google this article to see what you were talking about:
And she's NOT being facetious. Um, if anybody thinks that this advice will make them happy, then GO FOR IT. But little quirks like this have a funny habit of making me want to stab the offender, so I will pass.
The grain of truth was less in the advice (which I agree, is questionable) than in the observations about the pool of men shrinking.
Volunteer at one of the area hospitals, preferably training hospitals, to up your chances of running in to some guys whose careers have had impact on their dating scene. There are quite a few eligible men in their 30-40s who have been focused on nothing but their training, whether in the labs (research scientists), lab techs, and yup, newly minted doctors. Many of the latter may have been snapped up up female med students/residents, but there are quite a few out there I've heard that are not attached. No time for checking out the scene, weird and/or long hours, different priorities. Plus up to this point they may have moved around alot-- undergrad, med school, internship, residency, can all be in different places which is tough for any relationship. Now that also means that what comes with these guys is usually more of the same in a relationship-- work will be a priority-- but there are some really nice guys out there who haven't been hit by Cupid's arrow just yet! The added bonus is you can put your scoping time to good use by helping people who need it. Best of luck to you!
The problem is that "dateable" and "quality" are meaningless terms. How does a guy qualify -- or perhaps, more simply, what would disqualify him?
Not only meaningless, but also very subjective.
Sometimes, I think it may be more of what a person wants in a partner, not necessarily where you can find them. As you said, define "quality," because a person may look in all the right places, but if the person's standards are too high or simply unreasonable, it won't matter that he/she is in the right place at the right time.
My wife and I originally met at work, when neither one of us were looking for a relationship. Looking back, that mentality may have helped us because we were relaxed and more of ourselves than propping ourselves to be something that we weren't because we wanted a relationship.
One day, when we had only been dating for a few months, she and I were at my parents' house for dinner. Flipping channels, she looked at me and asked, "do you mind if I turn on ESPN?" It was love from that very moment.
Based on my experience of eligible men during my single-hood a few years ago:
1. Still living with his parents
2. Not having a job
3. Not having a reliable form of transportation
4. Not having motivation to address 1-3
I met so many fun and seemingly intelligent men in those days that come to find out...
Edited to say: I understand job layoffs especially in this economy. I'm talking about people who don't even try or lack people skills/motivation to hold any job, usually due to numbers 1 and 3.
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