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Yes. But the motivation behind her question was dishonest. She didn't want reflective answers. Instead she wanted to get negative replies so then she could accuse others of ignorance of being judgmental.
Again, the longer it takes to explain a position, the more strident it seems and the more subject it becomes.
If she had simply said, "You know, I like to put on a leather catsuit and whip my husband. Hope nobody has a problem with that," then she wouldn't have had nearly the satisfaction.
I suspect you are right, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Everyone I know who is *seriously* into this lifestyle doesn't feel the need, in the slightest, to advertise it on boards such as this, or to get some sort of "ok" from random people. As has been said, as between consenting adults, who really cares?
Those who would post something like this is insecure in themselves and, as such, should *not* be in the lifestyle to begin with. As I'm sure everyone can imagine, the stories of people being taken advantage of abound in this area....That's just a plain and simple fact.
I honestly don't get what the uproar is about - and I'm pretty vanilla.
For any women that gets titillated by the vampire genre, the majority of harlequin (sp) romances (barbarian and the strong willed women), the bodice rippers, and the guy that gets hot by thigh high boods, some studded jewelry and red lipstick....
that's a littel dom/sub too.
All things come in varying degrees, and all things can be dysfunctional. Both dom/sub and "regular" relationships.
My undertanding, which is very limited, is that healthy dom/sub relationships (and it's NOT always the girl that is sub), are somewhat pre-negotiated (like "vanilla" relationships), "this is what I need to be happy" and "this is what you need to be happy".
The sub takes comfort in their role, and the dom does also. In a healthy relationship that does not denote abuse. Both are getting what they want.
There's a whole subset of prostitution in the dominatrix for men who want to be the sub (not that there aren't those types of relationships in the day to day world).
There's a huge difference in choosing to be a "slave" and literally being one.
Honestly, I think we would all be surprised if we knew what went on in the homes, and beds of people we knew. Thank goodness we don't. We'd never be able to look them in the eye again. /lol
I honestly don't get what the uproar is about - and I'm pretty vanilla.
For any women that gets titillated by the vampire genre, the majority of harlequin (sp) romances (barbarian and the strong willed women), the bodice rippers, and the guy that gets hot by thigh high boods, some studded jewelry and red lipstick....
that's a littel dom/sub too.
All things come in varying degrees, and all things can be dysfunctional. Both dom/sub and "regular" relationships.
My undertanding, which is very limited, is that healthy dom/sub relationships (and it's NOT always the girl that is sub), are somewhat pre-negotiated (like "vanilla" relationships), "this is what I need to be happy" and "this is what you need to be happy".
The sub takes comfort in their role, and the dom does also. In a healthy relationship that does not denote abuse. Both are getting what they want.
There's a whole subset of prostitution in the dominatrix for men who want to be the sub (not that there aren't those types of relationships in the day to day world).
There's a huge difference in choosing to be a "slave" and literally being one.
Honestly, I think we would all be surprised if we knew what went on in the homes, and beds of people we knew. Thank goodness we don't. We'd never be able to look them in the eye again. /lol
Really there isn't much of an uproar. For some reason, there is a small segment of the population who think so highly of the way they keep romance in their lives, they want to talk about it all the time. They barge in like a turd in a punch bowl demanding attention about how they express their love for their partner's, and ignore the fact that everyone has their own little methods. The difference is... Most people don't need a t-shirt to commemorate what they do. Most don't demand a stage and mic to blather on and on about it.
That said, this is not addressed to people who no doubt have a happy healthy relationship involved in this lifestyle. Those people aren't posting lengthy rants and pseudo-poetry on this thread. They are just living their lives happily without needing to prattle on and on, as though they are fooling people.
Keep in mind that not one single person got mad originally. What made everyone mad was the trolling nature of it. Making it your first posts, only talking about it, telling everyone to contact you personally...then there was the forcing this down people's throats: telling them they are intolerant, arguing with everyone, and finally calling people Vanilla.
No, actually, it was not her first post... she created this post as a result of some side conversations taking place on what was actually her first post.
Nor did anyone get mad until people started tossing insults around and belittling those who choose to walk this particular path.
And "vanilla" is no more derogatory than "heterosexual" or "monogamous." All relationships are "vanilla" at the core... and then flavored uniquely by each couple to suit themselves.
My responses are to the general concept not the specific orginal post (and more in response to Wingsy). I find the discussion interesting. Though if you ask for people's opinions you will get it. I would never post "I like the backwards cowgirl - whatch y'all think?" (I THINK that's a position. /lol)
I think as a generality it is interesting, and differing opinions and lifestyles are enlightening. Though I may not understand the dynamics in a lot of situations (and in some ways I can understand this much more than people who are in relationships where there is infidelity, emotional and physical abuse, and a plethora of other problems), it doesn't mean I can't learn about it.
I certainly don't consider vanilla deragatory. One persons vanilla is another's deep fried ice cream with nuts, a cherry and whipped cream. While I consider myself vanilla, I like me some whipped cream and chocolate. /lol
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