Do you think that Master/Slave relationships are ok? (attractiveness, attractive, vs)
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When she was younger, my sister liked it because she felt she wasn't responsible. She thought that letting someone else make the decisions meant she was never responsible for the outcome. She'd be another just a victim if it doesn't work out only she found out she was just as guilty by omission in reality. Sadly, their kids have a warped view of what a marriage should be. I see multiple divorces in their futures and the potential for abuse. Their daughter is, not surprisingly, attracted to domineering men who tend to knock her around if she doesn't please them. It's ok though. She says they only hit her when she deserves it. My heart breaks at the thought of my neice thinking she deserves to be hit because she didn't do whatever right.
Fun and games behind bedroom doors is one thing, modeling this as what marriage is for your kids, entirely another.
The fact that you, and apparently a few others, actually think this is comparable to a loving, consensual relationship between two people... pretty much tells me all I need to know. You have an idea in your head of what these relationships are actually like, and nothing anyone says differently is going to register.
I spent years responding to the domestic violence calls of vanilla, monogamous, heterosexual couples... people beating the crap out of each other, treating each other like scum, abusing their kids... and somehow, despite that, I've managed to understand that THEY are not representative of vanilla, monogamous, heterosexual couples... despite the fact that that's what they call themselves. I comprehend there is a difference.
It just boggles my mind that so many are incapable of doing the same.
I'm sorry, can you please tell me what you get out of being treated like a slave?
I am trying to understand and have read most of this thread but nothing is sounding remotely appealing... I just don't get it.
The same things you get out of being treated as an equal in your relationship, believe it or not. Satisfaction, comfort, happiness, love, romance, commitment, etc.
Look, we're all seeking the same thing in our relationships... happiness. The differences are in the details... how we achieve that happiness. What triggers, or inspires it.
You are wired to find it within an egalitarian relationship. I'm wired to find it within an authority transfer dynamic.
Why does chocolate taste so good to some, and so awful to others? Another example - I despise the taste of alcohol and of coffee. I mean, really, I'd rather eat a bug. I find both to be really unpalatable. (I do love the smell of coffee, though)
So at breakfast, I have a cup of hot tea. If I'm out with friends, I'll have iced tea or sometimes a soda.
No one is worried about why the coffee and alcohol taste bad to me, they just accept that the hot tea and iced tea/soda taste better to me, whereas they prefer the coffee or the wine/ale/mixed drink/etc.
What matters is that we're both getting our individual thirsts quenched in the way that is most pleasing to us. Not "how" we do it.
I'm for any relationship in which the particpants (however many it may/may not be) are happy and not hurting themselves or anyone else in pursuit of such relationship.
To each his/her own.
Agree 100%.
A friend of mine who is waiting until marriage to have sex asked me yesterday why, and how, people have open marriages.
I told her some people just do it because they enjoy it, and as long as both parties understand the situation and there are no feelings involved it should be ok. Some people keep the spark alive by parading in sexy lingerie, some keep it alive by bringing other people into the picture! Whatever does it for ya.
The same things you get out of being treated as an equal in your relationship, believe it or not. Satisfaction, comfort, happiness, love, romance, commitment, etc.
Look, we're all seeking the same thing in our relationships... happiness. The differences are in the details... how we achieve that happiness. What triggers, or inspires it.
You are wired to find it within an egalitarian relationship. I'm wired to find it within an authority transfer dynamic.
Why does chocolate taste so good to some, and so awful to others? Another example - I despise the taste of alcohol and of coffee. I mean, really, I'd rather eat a bug. I find both to be really unpalatable. (I do love the smell of coffee, though)
So at breakfast, I have a cup of hot tea. If I'm out with friends, I'll have iced tea or sometimes a soda.
No one is worried about why the coffee and alcohol taste bad to me, they just accept that the hot tea and iced tea/soda taste better to me, whereas they prefer the coffee or the wine/ale/mixed drink/etc.
What matters is that we're both getting our individual thirsts quenched in the way that is most pleasing to us. Not "how" we do it.
okayy do you like to be treated like a slave by anyone?
I mean, I like to be treated as an equal in ANY relationship or in any communication and undertaking with another human being, so it makes sense to me to expect that in a romantic relationship.
I'm sorry, can you please tell me what you get out of being treated like a slave?
I am trying to understand and have read most of this thread but nothing is sounding remotely appealing... I just don't get it.
I think that people have a set image in their head of what these relationships are like, so let me describe a few aspects of my relationship with my dominant partner and a bit about who he is...
He's one of the finest men I've ever met. In the twelve years we've been together, life has seen fit to throw some really awful speed bumps in our path. Deaths of close family, illness, a hefty bout of unemployment and the attendant financial hardships... and through it all, he has stood beside me like a rock, as I have him. I can talk to him about anything, and no matter what problems arise, he works with me to find solutions. He has helped oversee my health care to ensure I got the best treatment possible. He is constantly finding small ways to add to my happiness... tracking down things that will interest me, finding music I'd enjoy, giving me books he knows I'll devour... all those same sort of things you look for in your relationship, they exist in ours as well.
We simply have some added elements... we're not into quite the same things the OP is... I'm not chasing around like a puppy on a leash. I do have a collar, but you wouldn't recognize it as such. You'd see a nice small medallion on a chain, but as my wedding ring is symbolic of my marriage, my collar is symbolic of my submission.
I serve him his meals, I bring him a drink, I often sit at his feet. It makes me feel cherished to sit there with my head on his knee as he plays idly with my hair, combing his fingers through it. Sometimes I kneel in front of him, and he caresses my neck or cups my cheek... and the look he gives me as he's doing this makes my heart melt and my stomach flutter.
I do little service projects for him... tracking down first editions of Heinlein, making frames for his many art prints, whatever he needs. And it makes me feel incredible when he kisses my forehead and tells me I've done a good job for him.
He's also the first one to tell me to sit my butt down and take it easy when he thinks I'm overdoing anything. He is furiously and fiercely protective of me. He doesn't allow me to keep toxic people in my life. He wants my life to be as peaceful and happy as it can be. I have a giving nature... people try and take advantage of that... he makes sure that doesn't happen, that I don't let my good intentions harm me, drain me, suck me dry. I know how to say "no" because he insists that I be able to do so. How many of us know multiple women who end up harried and harassed because they just don't know how to say "no" to the people in their lives? All of us, I'd bet.
He motivates me... I quit smoking because he wanted it. No withdrawals, no back sliding. I'd smoked since I was 14. I'm able to stick to a healthy diet because it's what he wants for me... not because he's interested in me being stick thin (I'm definitely not) but because my overall health issues are drastically improved when I am at a healthy weight and making good food choices.
These relationships are supposed to be mutually fulfilling. If they're not, people can call them whatever they want but they are not Master/slave relationships. Unfortunately, too often, people latch on to the examples where someone has taken the title without the responsibility, and believe that is representative of the whole.
okayy do you like to be treated like a slave by anyone?
Oh HECK no!!! And anyone who tries quickly ends up with my foot in places they'd rather it not be.
I am his slave. To everyone else I am an equal or a peer. He is the only person in my life who is granted authority over me like this, who is entitled to my servitude, who is able to exert control. Every other relationship I have, including my relationship with my beloved hubby, is as egalitarian as your own.
As usual, Wingsy, you bring a very thoughtfully (and sensitively) written answer to what could be a very charged subject.
I always appreciate, and enjoy reading your posts.
We simply have some added elements... we're not into quite the same things the OP is... I'm not chasing around like a puppy on a leash. I do have a collar, but you wouldn't recognize it as such. You'd see a nice small medallion on a chain, but as my wedding ring is symbolic of my marriage, my collar is symbolic of my submission.
I serve him his meals, I bring him a drink, I often sit at his feet. It makes me feel cherished to sit there with my head on his knee as he plays idly with my hair, combing his fingers through it. Sometimes I kneel in front of him, and he caresses my neck or cups my cheek... and the look he gives me as he's doing this makes my heart melt and my stomach flutter.
I swear it is like you can read my thoughts.
When in public I do not wear my leash but I wear the key to my leash on a chain around my waist underneath my clothing so not a soul would know except for us.
I too enjoy being at my Master's feet.I adore having my head in his lap and feeling his fingers running through my hair.He makes me feel so cherished and I want nothing more than to make him as happy as he makes me.
Oh HECK no!!! And anyone who tries quickly ends up with my foot in places they'd rather it not be.
I am his slave. To everyone else I am an equal or a peer. He is the only person in my life who is granted authority over me like this, who is entitled to my servitude, who is able to exert control. Every other relationship I have, including my relationship with my beloved hubby, is as egalitarian as your own.
^
My Master is with me right now and we are going over this thread together.He wanted me to tell you that he got a kick out of your post.
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