Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am a good writer. Heck, I made one career with it. So it amazes me that people do not see the words that are written.
I was asked about MY relationship. I responded - in detail mind you - yet 3 posters said that MY relationship does not describe Maria's. Well, DANG - of course not. I said it was how MY relationship "APPEARED" not unusual. Of course my relationship sounds 50ish - I believe that Ozzie and Harriet and The Cleavers were from that era. In fact, someone might even be able to find a reference to those TV shows in my posts. So what's the surprise?
As far as Maria's relationship - some people find being on a leash humiliating others find it titilating. It isn't for me and Wingsy said it's not for her. I know some who do that as part of a scene (which is play) and I am certain there are people who need/want it daily. Oh heck, there are vanilla people (that's most of you all) who dress up in maid outfits and talk about yogurt while pretending to be sexy and us kinky folk just roll our eyes at you. There are "bondage beds" out for the want-to-be kinky vanilla folks, velcro cuff-links and flavored body paint. But those things have NOTHING to do with how the RELATIONSHIP works - it's the play aspect.
As for MY relationship, it is built on absolute trust, each for the other, with the deepest love and respect. At 60+ years old, people still tell us to "get a room". Whips and chains and paddles, oh my. Not on my butt - or his. One more time:
WHIPS and chains and cutting and whatever else your imagination can conjure up haveNOTHING to do with a RELATIONSHIP. They are aspects of play that SOME couples engage in. They are aspects of play that some people - mostly men - want done to them and some - mostly - women have been able to support themselves doing to those who want it done. But there's no relationship there at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225
I want to keep this brief because I've given this subject FAR more thought than it is ever worth. No, honestly I don't read much of your stuff. The subject matter just does not interest me, sorry.
I don't even know what you are talking about anymore. If you are talking about the whipping crap...I wouldn't know... I don't ask. People can go all Indiana Jones on each other for all I care...as long as they keep it away from me.
If you are talking about somebody being humiliated and treated like a dog...then no, I can guarantee you that nobody I know is even remotely into that.
I may live in AZ, but that doesn't mean that we are all Blowin' Up our trailers with meth explosions, smackin' our womens around, rednecks. I live in a nice part of the East Valley. Everybody I know that are in relationships, are in relationsips built on love and respect....this would horrify them as much as it thoroughly has me.
I am sure you would be horrified at the number of people you know who have relationships built on love and respect who also have a bit of kink in them and possibly, quite probably, are members of Apex. In fact, my friend was once involved in teaching some classes -( yes folks, the play aspect has some elements of danger and teaching safety is important) for Apex - yet she and her submissive/husband had many "ordinary you know them" friends. WE, us scary, kinky, card-holding psychos are out there among you. We are doctors and cops, pilots and nurses, your friendly computer geek and math professor. I'd scare you if I told you that the guy who is responsible for your savings account is also ONE OF US and it might start a run on banks...again, so I won't tell you. Beware your auto mechanic or the people next door. You never know.
*(A side note, I say "had" above because my friend died from breast cancer - a relapse. Her death could have been prevented but her insurance would not cover a mammogram for her and she refused to ask for charity. She was 56.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by gold*dust1
Uh not to challenge you per se NYAnnie because I think it would be futile, but IMO you can't really speak for exactly what the OP's "master/slave" relationship entails unless you are a fly on the wall.
I did not try to speak for HER relationship. I speak either of my own or those I know, or in generalities.
To me from what you describe about your own...it sounds like your matey is Archie Bunker and you are Edith. Never! We are far too open minded, intelligent, and educated. You're completely glossing over the sexual element which can include humiliation acts etc.
I NEVER gloss over the sexual element but you'd find MY sex life rather boring - aside from the fact that we are extremely active at our old age. He doesn't humiliate me; although I humiliate others - but I don't have sex with them. Oh heck, they may get off on it, but I don't. Some people find wearing a dog collar highly sexual. I find it...boring - kids do it all the time and want attention for it no less!
A related story: 3 older couples out for an evening in the village (yes, NYC). I look like anybody's grandmother, my husband like the great-grandfather he is; another couple looked no different and she's running from store to store trying to find a toe-ring. The third couple - typical NY city folks, she has a backpack. As we're walking along, he reaches into her backpack, takes out a dog leash and collar and puts it on her neck. He puts the end in her mouth and we continue walking. We are nearing some kind of goth club and the kids are out in a line waiting to get in. There is yellow spiked hair topped with hair balls in bright blue, unnatural purple hair, boots, clothing more torn than held together, sideways striped stockings, a la the witch in Wizard of Oz. There is more metal in this line than in the QE2 in the form of staples, rings, safetypins and whatever - and that is just in the faces of the guys - and one of the girls, standing with some friends - she has her face pinned and lips, eyes, nose, chin, tongue, teeth, cheek pinned and pierced wearing black make-up, with green hair - looks at us and says, "farkin' freaks".
Was that your daughter?
Quote:
Originally Posted by gold*dust1
The OP admitted to being lead around dangling from a dog collar for a good majority. I hardly think that is descriptive of a 50's style marriage.
And it's hardly descriptive of any relationship. It is play, an activity not unlike eating yogurt dressed in a maid's outfit while sitting on one's spouse's lap. And she likes it! It was obviously a part of their negotiations. One finds a partner in our lifestyle by negotiation among other things (like emotional attraction) and it usually works that what one party likes to DO, the other party likes DONE to them. Wow, sounds like a good match. I like what you like. Better than both partners being "do me" types. Then no one is doing the DO part.
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode
I appreciate Wingsy and NY Annies clarifications about misconceptions, but theres no way... no how, I'll be convinced healing on the floor..... hand fed dinner.... dog collar and leash.... as a 24/7 relationship lifestyle "normal" even when consented to. Has no resemblence to the 50s.
Nope it doesn't. But it's their "thing" - it turns her on, it makes him happy - I guess. I don't know as it's not my thing. Some people like hickeys - oh good grief, some people even watch more than an hour of TV a day! Farkin' freaks!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaKintobor
He does not beat me up.I would never take any kind of abuse from anyone man or woman period.
What he does to Maria is what she wants him to do. While it appears to be a huge IMbalance of power, and it is on a daily basis, relationships in the BDSM world are actually quite an even proposition.
Let's take it back to what I believe was the beginning of Maria's relationship. I won't be too far off - please jump in Maria - because I have Mentored many new couples (mentoring just like in the business world).
Maria meets "wantstobeherMaster". They have some attraction - whatever it is and begin discussions. As they find more opposites the same, they begin negotiations. Definition of "opposites the same" - he likes feeding, she likes being fed; she is turned on by being leashed, he is turned on by leashing; she likes being spanked, he likes spanking; or whatever it is they have in common. So they decide they want to explore being in a relationship together and she sets up limits for him - things she absolutely cannot live without, prefers NOT to do, or that are deal-breakers - meaning if he crosses those lines, she's out. He sets up HIS limits - things he will not do to her, MUST be able to do, and areas he wants to explore.
So, she consents to his rules. Whatever it is, those are unique to their relationship but there is a commonality with most BDSM relationships - negotiation and consent - each to the other.
So long as each follows their own stated needs/wants/limits, and their kink is not foisted upon the vanilla community any more than you put your sex-life out on display (you see, that would be non-consensual);
What he does to Maria is what she wants him to do. While it appears to be a huge IMbalance of power, and it is on a daily basis, relationships in the BDSM world are actually quite an even proposition.
Let's take it back to what I believe was the beginning of Maria's relationship. I won't be too far off - please jump in Maria - because I have Mentored many new couples (mentoring just like in the business world).
Maria meets "wantstobeherMaster". They have some attraction - whatever it is and begin discussions. As they find more opposites the same, they begin negotiations. Definition of "opposites the same" - he likes feeding, she likes being fed; she is turned on by being leashed, he is turned on by leashing; she likes being spanked, he likes spanking; or whatever it is they have in common. So they decide they want to explore being in a relationship together and she sets up limits for him - things she absolutely cannot live without, prefers NOT to do, or that are deal-breakers - meaning if he crosses those lines, she's out. He sets up HIS limits - things he will not do to her, MUST be able to do, and areas he wants to explore.
So, she consents to his rules. Whatever it is, those are unique to their relationship but there is a commonality with most BDSM relationships - negotiation and consent - each to the other.
So long as each follows their own stated needs/wants/limits, and their kink is not foisted upon the vanilla community any more than you put your sex-life out on display (you see, that would be non-consensual);
What's the problem, folks?
^
100% correct.In this kind of relationship it is really important to be upfront and completely clear about what you want and more importantly what you need.
I must have missed the memo on yogurt sexytimes--what's up with yogurt? Someone please DM me.
That will never happen because I have a great dislike for yogurt.Godiva chocolates eaten while sitting in my Master's lap while he is studying is where it is at.
but for the life of me I can't see how being essentially treated like a dog (wearing a collar, sitting on the floor, being fed etc) is enjoyable, or a way to live.
Neither do I; but then again, I don't understand how people can enjoy skiing or Korean cuisine or sticking multiple pieces of metal in their eyebrows. I don't really care if anyone else enjoys any of those things, though.
NYAnnie made a good point that should be noted in this economy, ladies--there are bucks to be made in dominatrix work! Perhaps we should move this to the Work and Employment thread...
Same here. Maid outfit with yogurt? Nah, that doesn't sound too exciting, either. Now fresh fruit, there's something you can play with.
I see the maid outfits in the shop windows around the city so they must be popular. I thought it was the gay guys who liked them.
Oh I have a walk in closet full of costumes.I love to dress up.Fresh fruit is great to play with.I will take a bit out of a lemon and my Master will take a spoonful of sugar and we will kiss and make lemonade.Even vanilla couples should like something as simple as that!
My Master and I love various anime costumes and he will special order such costumes for me from cosplayers or he will let me make my own since I used to go to conventions with my friend all of the time and we had to make our own costumes.
I must have missed the memo on yogurt sexytimes--what's up with yogurt? Someone please DM me.
I watch VERY little TV - and almost never pay attention to a commercial - but there is one for some kind of yogurt - we see supposedly "Lord of house" sitting at a table, maid comes along and says something cute, then she sits on his lap - they are eating yogurt - brand is what's being sold - 2 teen kids open door, see this scene and say something like "oh brother, they're at it again" and close the door.
It fits this discussion. What the couple is doing is not about their relationship - it is about PLAY time.
Same here. Maid outfit with yogurt? Nah, that doesn't sound too exciting, either. Now fresh fruit, there's something you can play with.
I prefer chocolate - fruit dipped in chocolate, pretzels dipped in chocolate - but my favorite is ME drizzled in chocolate.
Now combine that with my Dominant personality and a few willing submissive tongues and I'm in choco-heaven.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
