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Then there is the linguistically challenged who may miss the meaning of the word roughly. The real issue is the custodial parent which is by and large women. I would still consider that there are many men in the dating pool who do pay child support and are otherwise in a child's life. I doubt that there is a large number of men who have fathered 10 children with 5 different women. Yes there are some.
No, the 80/20 rule is at work here, probably even more than under more normal circumstances. Since many of these fathers are financial "losers", very often, women don't even make the slightest effort to hold them accountable, thereby freeing them up for their next "adventure".
When one goes through child welfare files (nearly all such children are from single mothers) , it is astonishing what a large percentage have "father unknown" in their file. In other cases, his location is unknown. Usually it is not considered worthwhile to track him down.
Before I get angry responses, I am aware that not all single mothers are like this. However, when I was involved with this audit, we were astounded that children comprising nearly 5% of the population were at least being monitored by child welfare. And NO, this wasn't the slums in some big, poor eastern US city.
I question how women end up long term with men that are self centered controlling jerks....what about the glorious 100 page checklist that women have? Doesn't it include no long term relationships with selfish control freaks? Women can have a height requirement and a bachelors degree requirement but they don't have a no selfish controlling jerks requirement?
Meanwhile there's guys out there that can't get a second date or make it to first base with a multitude of women...these are the guys that "aren't" selfish control freaks but women will write them off for not matching their college education requirement or their height requirement. Face it women today have no idea how to pick their men, then amazingly they initiate the majority of divorces.
I get so tired of people who say you wouldn't have ended up with the wrong person if you had just done your homework.
That's because you didn't do your homework. Making a good decision takes both time and discipline and for most people, these are two things they won't embrace. "Then, its not my fault - s/he changed!" when in fact, it was obvious to everyone else!
So women who like thuggish men, or always wind up with them for "some reason" are thugs themselves.
For women, the use of shaming language is their way of being thuggish. Since they cannot treat decent men with basic respect, they need a man who has no compunction about pushing them around and will not tolerate the low blows and nasty comments.
Y'all aren't doomed, but you have to adjust expectations. You are asking a man to raise another mans kids -- and if you think otherwise you are in denial.
It's not denial at all. More like:
"Yeah but they are such great kids. Look at where they got their genes. If my ex wasn't selflessly thinking about spreading his seed with other deserving women, I'm sure he'd be at my side and where would that leave a loser like you?"
Haven't read the whole thread yet, but I must say I've never met a woman who willingly gave up custody of her child who wasn't a straight up loser. Drug problems, mental problems, sexual problems... There's always more to the story.
I have. I personally work with a gal who did that. She didn't have the means to support her 2 sons in our high cost of living area. She didn't get along with the father, but gave up custody to the dad because she knew he was a good father to the two sons.
Personally, I think she made the best possible decision, given the circumstances. Although, I agree, maybe this gal I work with is the exception to the rule.
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