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I have been involved with this girl that I am 5 years older than for about a year and a half now. When we met things were great, I was happier than I have even been in my life and this girl has been my day, night, summer, fall etc…MY WORLD. I love this girl hard and more than I have ever loved the only other woman I ever loved in my life.
Any who, eventually the novelty of the new relationship wore off and I think we both got kind of comfortable with other and started showing each other a negative side of ourselves that wasn’t there when we met. Since then we have had a lot of ups and downs.
I won’t front and say that I don’t pick fights with her or let a lot of things that I should ignore get to me and make me angry which has led to the negativity of the relationship. However she knows she has had her own faults and done things which have added to my own frustration emotions to her. However it’s hard for her to admit that and want to change with me instead of sitting on the sideline waiting for me to change as if I am 100 percent responsible for our situation and she has been the perfect partner to me since day one.
Any way like I said I love this girl a lot, maybe more than she even knows. I really felt like she was the one for me and I even acted on the feeling and bought her a $10,000 engagement ring (though I eventually came to a realization that it’s not meant to be right now and returned it) before our relationship even crossed one year. I gave a lot to her emotionally, she had a side of me that no other female (even the girlfriend before her of 5 years) had but when I try to express this to her I get heartless remarks from her like “I have gotten more from other men” “anyone can do that for me” ”I can have any man I want” “I can get any man to get me more than what you have” but I’m like it’s not about that… why can’t you see it’s about you have my heart and I love you so much that every single expression you get from me is unique cause no other woman on this earth has even gotten it from me.
Maybe I’m just weird, a lot of women say I’m just sprung but I don’t know. Anyway right now things between us are on the rocks… we have a lot of issues that I do cause, but as much as I want to fix them I never seem to be able to.
Another problem on top of this is that since we met my financial status has kind of increased dramatically which has in turn brought more stress between us cause she feels that my financial growth has changed me from the person I use to be but I’m like you’re the only women gaining from my growth and getting $700 LV bags just because and I’m faithful and still love you so I don’t see how you feel that. Sounds pretty much how when a guy has a girl he was dating in college and he then gets drafted into the NBA and then he changes on her and carries her but NO I'm still here.
So in this society today we have women who want to chase the money and the woman who want to chase what they can’t have and the woman who want to chase the ideal American dream partner. Not to blow myself up or anything but I suffer from being pursued by all three. I never cheated on her or let any of the women who try to take me from her feel like they have a chance though.
Ok now let’s get to the problem. I want this girl in my life, no questions asked she means a lot to me and because of how I broke up with the girl before her I know the value of throwing away a good thing. Things are not perfect between us obviously and we have a lot of problems that I mainly cause.
Right now I honestly feel like the frustrations of my failure of not being able to make this relationship work is now pushing out a side of me that I locked away when I met her who used to be the wild single bachelor. I'm not saying I want to be single so I can screw around chicks again but more so I have so many resources right now and I want to start using them and doing things like travel around the world with someone special and go on shopping sprees. These are things that she won’t let me do with her.. I can order her a bag online but I can fly her to Italy on a trip with her to buy from the factory. That’s what I want but it’s not what she allows me and I'm just frustrated. I want her to be the special women I can live fast with and enjoy life blowing money and traveling while we are young but she just won’t let me.
Anyway I just feel like I'm at a point where I love her and I want to be with her God knows, but I pretty much find it harder to say No Thanks every time I go away and chick invites me to dinner and drinks in her room or something. So I don’t want to lose her and I don’t want to cheat on her. She knows I just want to be friends for now so I can figure things out.
I understand that it might seem like I'm looking to have my cake and eat it too or whatever but it’s not. I want us both to be happy but I don’t want us to have to drop out of each other’s lives just to have that because she is set on ALL OR NOTHING and I don’t think it’s fair. I mean if she was strong enough to tell me that she loves me too much to try and be my friend or can’t take seeing me happy with other women I would respect her so much for that and figure things out but she is not. I'm stuck with continuing to be miserable trying to figure out a way to become this person she says I need to be and not care about the things she do that I don’t like, or walk out of her life forever. I don’t want either right now; I just want to be friends with her. We have put so much emotions into each other this past year just to walk away just because I can’t change myself right now and she doesn’t want to be my friend.
HELP!! I love her and I don’t want to let her go.
I tried to fix the post. Didn't touch the punctuation and grammar, but hopefully it will be easier to understand, now.
Edit: nevermind, OP already went through it. =P Ignore this post.
I'm confused: You just want to be friends but you don't want to cheat on her? If you are just friends, how would you be cheating?
It sounds to me like you are using the threat of cheating in order to manipulate her. You are asking her to wait around dutifully for you while you party and explore all your other options.
No woman with any self respect would entertain that offer. All that talk about how much you love her and don't want to lose her is just a lot of "blah, blah, blah" and she knows it.
I'm confused: You just want to be friends but you don't want to cheat on her? If you are just friends, how would you be cheating?
It sounds to me like you are using the threat of cheating in order to manipulate her. You are asking her to wait around dutifully for you while you party and explore all your other options.
No woman with any self respect would entertain that offer.
No.. Im saying if we continuing trying to force something to improve that doesnt seem to be working then I fear that I will eventually cheat so I feel that its best to just let go of the emotional connection and love and preserve whats left and be friends so not to continue and end up doing things to make us hate each other and not want to speak to each other at all.
Oh, okay. You are breaking up with her and want to be friends. And she isn't co-operating.
I dont really think im breaking up.. every week we get into a fight over something I start I just always suggest we just being friends to avoid the drama but she always knows how to manipulate me into chassing her and forget about trying to be friends and beg her forgiveness then back to being togeter till the next fight.
Seems to me, you two don't belong together. It may be time to move on. As a previous poster said, for a couple in love, it should not be this difficult.
Seems to me, you two don't belong together. It may be time to move on. As a previous poster said, for a couple in love, it should not be this difficult.
Yea not the first time I have heard being in love shouldnt be this difficult.
The question would be, for me, whether or not her behavior is a direct result of your negativity and whatever else it is that you admit to doing or if she is just as toxic for you as you are for her. If you are constantly picking fights with her, is she actually that problematic that she needs to change or are you creating issues that don't actually exist. I'm just going by what you have shared.
For example:
Quote:
“I have gotten more from other men” “anyone can do that for me” ”I can have any man I want” “I can get any man to get me more than what you have” but I’m like it’s not about that… why can’t you see it’s about you have my heart and I love you so much that every single expression you get from me is unique cause no other woman on this earth has even gotten it from me.
It would help if you could give some examples of what it is you do to pick fights and what your overall goal is when you start them. Typically, people who do this do so to make the other person feel less-than.
Some will say there is no excuse for her to say these things. There is really no telling how the quoted statements came about. Some people need to be reminded that they are not the be-all end-all of partners when they are not consistent in treating the people they claim to love the way they should. So, the question is, is she taunting you as if nothing you do is good enough? Or is she reacting to you holding your generosity over her head, as if this should make up for the negativity and the drama you create?
Then, it could just be that you are both toxic. Regardless, if she doesn't want to be your friend, you can't force it. It's not really advisable to do so, in any case, until the smoke has cleared and you're both past the break up.
You love her more than she loves you. She finds fault and wants you to change. That's not a good way to start a long term relationship because it will only get worse. It really shouldn't be this difficult. If someone really loves you there is some level of acceptance. She knows you are hooked and is playing you. I'd suggest giving this relationship a breather and move on. There are a lot of fish in the sea and some of them will actually like you and accept you as you are.
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