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I save emails from my online dating experiences that think are "teachable moments". I actually used one in a discussion in one of my college classes. It was a great exercise. And I'd love to get your views. I ask a few questions here so it could be a little time consuming. This is about a conversation I had with an Hispanic man who was not happy with my preference for Caucasian men. I am Hispanic (for those who didn't know).
He wrote to me to shame me for having this preference. Said he thought it was a wonderful ad until he saw that. He didn't know how I could claim to be x, y, z qualities and in the same breath say I have a preference for white men. It was "very ironic" and he was very condescending. He listed all the other things I wanted that he was or was close to being, but he's "NOT WHITE!!!!" so he doesn't qualify.
I responded and said that it was hypocritical for him to do what he just did and look down his nose at me. A preference, defined, means to favor one over the other. I did not exclude others nor was it derogatory to anyone. I have dated men of many cultures and I simply prefer Caucasian men. I like what I like. But I was also to meet with an Indian man the following week when he got back from a business trip. I wouldn't meet with him if he didn't "qualify". Of course, none of this meant anything. In one eye and out the other.
He said he wasn't implying that I was a racist, but he doesn't see the logic in basing one of my "criteria for a partner on the color of his skin". I ax ya, fellow CDers, when someone uses the terminology I quoted, what message does it send you?
He also asked me what it was that made these men more attractive to me, so he could "debunk" my "whack *ss preference". Tell me.....was he asking so he could gain some understanding? Or is he inviting me to share my reasoning so he can further ridicule and dismiss what I like? I pointed this out to him and he said he doesn't get how I would even draw such a conclusion.....of course.
He also said, in a subsequent email, that he wonders if he should say that Hispanic men are better lovers than white men. Well, duh, he said it. What would be behind such a statement? Unless he has dated ALL white men, how would he back such a statement?
There is a stereotype about Hispanics that dictates we are ignorant and uneducated. It's a fact. It's not pretty and I'm not making it up - I've lived with it. I mentioned this to him and said his behavior wasn't helping the cause. Two things happened:
1) He said he didn't know what kind of people I hang out with but his friends do not look down upon Hispanics or any others for that matter. It has nothing to do with who either one of us hangs out with but the best defense is a good offense. It is his inclination to suggest such a thing that stands out. So, now he is suggesting that my friends are racists. Is this the message you get as well?
Also, his friends don't look down upon Hispanics or "any others", but my preference for white men is "whack", so HE does. Do you find that statement to be derogatory toward Caucasian men?
2) He asked, again, why I had the preference, then said it didn't matter why, it fed into the stereotype. Again, he's not interested in my position because "it doesn't matter" why. So, preferring a white partner makes me ignorant and uneducated. Is that not also derogatory to Caucasian men?
He kept asking why, why, why. I told him I already answered that question, but it doesn't back his argument so he is reaching for something that will.
He said he doesn't base his attraction on skin color, "I base it on looks, DUH!". It's his right, but if I were ugly, should I slam him for not wanting to date ugly women?
He then said we should meet, that "we all need a good argument every now and then, it leads to good sex.". I don't thrive on this kind of thing. And it certainly wouldn't turn me on.
Finally, how do you defend a preference for a particular race/culture? It really made me think. Is it the color of their skin? I haven't thought of it that way because there is racist overtone to that statement and I am not a racist. It wasn't the color of Hispanic or Black skin that drew me to them. To me, it is the whole package of Caucasian men that I like. I do love the way they tan in the summer, so maybe that's part of it....lol. I really can't say that it is just one thing. But I can't for other races either. I just prefer Caucasians. It just is.
IMO he is a bigot. And he is projecting because, to him, to prefer one means to see the other as inferior. He clearly sees white men as inferior, at the very least, in the dating department. It explains why my preference offended him.
Another racism thread. I think we need a "Relationships - Interracial" sub-sub-forum. You can date whoever you want to, if you can get them, and you shouldn't care what other people think. The reality is that a lot of people, men and women, get upset when someone of their own race chooses to exclude them from their pool of who they would consider. I know of Jewish women who are torqued that Jewish guys don't want to date them, I know of Asian men who are torqued because Asian women don't want to date them, and I know of white guys who are torqued by white women who date black men. And all kinds of other combinations.
There is only one question here, and it doesn't need 600 posts to bear it out: What is it about your OWN race/color/religion that YOU don't like? Most people prefer to date and marry within their own race.
Two things:
1) if you can get someone of the group you want, then help yourself to it. I knew several Middle-Eastern girls who were sequentially chasing American guys. After they figured out it wasn't going to work, guess what, they married Middle-Eastern guys.
2) is this really a problem with Hispanics? Many Hispanic guys have easily hooked up with white women. (BTW, some Hispanics ARE white, but I don't know if you're from Argentina or the Dominican Republic). Similarly, many Hispanic women have easily hooked up with white men. Of all the interracial combos, this one seems to be the least challenged.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 04-06-2012 at 05:37 PM..
It's not about "racism" per se, it's about what you find "sexy" as a woman. (And "sexy" includes a number of things on the list, not the looks only - obviously.)
So the person in question ( the Hispanic man you are talking about) considers himself to be more sexy comparably to Caucasian men, particularly that some Caucasian women probably gave him a reason to think so.
That being said, he doesn't like to feel rejected by "his own," even hypothetically.
Hence- the hissy fit.
He's ignorant cause most Hispanic people in Mexico and South America are mixed with White people, so in all likelihood with White guys u are dating someone who shares the same race as u just as much as if u dated an indigenous Amerindian or whatever.
So the person in question ( the Hispanic man you are talking about) considers himself to be more sexy comparably to Caucasian men, particularly that some Caucasian women probably gave him a reason to think so. That being said, he doesn't like to feel rejected by "his own," even hypothetically.
Hence- the hissy fit.
Have a Creole (mostly black, I believe) friend. He is married to a white woman. A group of us were at a nice restaurant.
At a nearby table were 2 black couples of similar age. One black chick could NOT take her eyes off him, and she was with her black boyfriend. Because my friend and his wife had their backs turned to them, those of us on the other side of the table were watching her with "WTF?" Was it because he was attractive to her...or because he had snagged a white woman? (BTW, she has been a total headache for this guy, and I wonder if he regrets it).
There is only one question here, and it doesn't need 600 posts to bear it out: What is it about your OWN race/color/religion that YOU don't like?
It really isn't about what I don't like because I do like them. I'm just more attracted to Caucasian men.
Quote:
2) is this really a problem with Hispanics? Many Hispanic guys have easily hooked up with white women. (BTW, some Hispanics ARE white, but I don't know if you're from Argentina or the Dominican Republic). Similarly, many Hispanic women have easily hooked up with white men. Of all the interracial combos, this one seems to be the least challenged.
I don't think it is an issue of whether or not they can date white folk. They can and they do.
I grew up around many Hispanic people who look down upon white folk. They wouldn't date them, they wouldn't live in a white neighborhood. Much like the Al Sharptons of the world, they feel that white people are uppity and look down upon them.
Have a Creole (mostly black, I believe) friend. He is married to a white woman. A group of us were at a nice restaurant.
At a nearby table were 2 black couples of similar age. One black chick could NOT take her eyes off him, and she was with her black boyfriend. Because my friend and his wife had their backs turned to them, those of us on the other side of the table were watching her with "WTF?" Was it because he was attractive to her...or because he had snagged a white woman?
Most likely - because he was attractive to her AND\BUT he had snagged a white woman)))
It really isn't about what I don't like because I do like them. I'm just more attracted to Caucasian men.
I think Robertpolyglot is right.
You might LIKE Hispanic men ( meaning as friends-neighbors- relatives and what's not,) but it's a different question when you think about them as potential MATES.
If you'd really like them in this sense, you'd date both Caucasians and Hispanics.
It seems to be not a case, so dig a bit deeper for answers.
It really isn't about what I don't like because I do like them. I'm just more attracted to Caucasian men.
I grew up around many Hispanic people who look down upon white folk. They wouldn't date them, they wouldn't live in a white neighborhood. Much like the Al Sharptons of the world, they feel that white people are uppity and look down upon them.
Can you get them? Like I said: if you can, good for you.
About Hispanic people who don't like whites, they are not from Cuba, Chile or Argentina, because they consider themselves white. It's the Hispanics who don't consider themselves white that have this "issue" with whites.
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