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OK.. I have freakin` had it. I need to vent this out before I blow up!
The last two and ahalf yrs. I have been very patient, with my ex, and his child support payments! I know that he has had a round of bad luck, so I haven`t ask him for nothing for our child. No clothes, no lunch money, nothing... he lost his business, and went bankrupt. He found another job pretty quickly after that, but I never ask him for a dime, because I knew that he had his own problems, and yes, I felt sorry for him.
Then, awhile later, he lost his house! More time, and sob stories...I was allowing him to try to get his life back before I ask him for money for our son.
The time just never seemed to be right. I would hear how broke he was, etc..
OK..Here awhile back..he sold a house he had, and got at least 5 grand.. his sister told me about it. I thought, well good....he can at least help pay for the school supplies and clothes that the boy needs... he is 11, and outgrowing everything..I ask him for help. He gives me a hundred dollars! Sigh......
I get furious about it, and go to the child support place to fill out papers on him....but haven`t turned them in yet..
He has given me 40 bucks last month, only because I ask him when he was going to start paying to help..
Today....he pulls up in my driveway driving a 2008 toyota selica!!
I called him and said,"A new car huh?" He went on to tell me how much money he will save with the diffrence in gas milieage, blah , blah!
He tells me that he don`t have enough money to pay his rent some months, or buy food, but this??
Hit me!!! I`m ready for ya!
I`m gonna add, that I`m not sure what will happen to him, once I turn these child support papers in...I don`t want to see him go to jail, or even payback the back child support...I just want him to make his payments weekly, so I can support him(our son) the way he needs to be.
He hasnt done it yet so far..And you never cared if he did. You have every excuse why he wouldnt pay child support.
So just leave him alone you always have. You and him obvious think him paying support for his kid isnt important.
Not only is he a dead-beat but so are you for allowing it..
OK.. I have freakin` had it. I need to vent this out before I blow up!
The last two and ahalf yrs. I have been very patient, with my ex, and his child support payments! I know that he has had a round of bad luck, so I haven`t ask him for nothing for our child. No clothes, no lunch money, nothing... he lost his business, and went bankrupt. He found another job pretty quickly after that, but I never ask him for a dime, because I knew that he had his own problems, and yes, I felt sorry for him.
Then, awhile later, he lost his house! More time, and sob stories...I was allowing him to try to get his life back before I ask him for money for our son.
The time just never seemed to be right. I would hear how broke he was, etc..
OK..Here awhile back..he sold a house he had, and got at least 5 grand.. his sister told me about it. I thought, well good....he can at least help pay for the school supplies and clothes that the boy needs... he is 11, and outgrowing everything..I ask him for help. He gives me a hundred dollars! Sigh......
I get furious about it, and go to the child support place to fill out papers on him....but haven`t turned them in yet..
He has given me 40 bucks last month, only because I ask him when he was going to start paying to help..
Today....he pulls up in my driveway driving a 2008 toyota selica!!
I called him and said,"A new car huh?" He went on to tell me how much money he will save with the diffrence in gas milieage, blah , blah!
He tells me that he don`t have enough money to pay his rent some months, or buy food, but this??
Hit me!!! I`m ready for ya!
I`m gonna add, that I`m not sure what will happen to him, once I turn these child support papers in...I don`t want to see him go to jail, or even payback the back child support...I just want him to make his payments weekly, so I can support him(our son) the way he needs to be.
Honey, if he can afford a down payment on a car and the gas to put in it, he can afford to give you some money for you son! He's just all about himself that's all. Turn in the papers asap and make him give up the money that he owes you! His butt can take the bus to work!
Last I checked a 2008 Celica is two years old. Depending on the milage, it isn't going to be worth but a fraction of its original price. (depreciation, you know).
My philosophy is this. If he is your ex HUSBAND, then he should be responsible for 1/2 of the child support. Depending on what your DIVORCE DECREE says. Of course, if you were not married at the time (and there is no divorce decree), then you are going to have a hard time proving that he is even the father unless you have a paternity test.
By virtue of the fact that you have been supporting this child for quite some time without the help or benefit of that monthly check, it looks like you can get along just fine without it. I think you want the money just because you are mad about something. What happened did he dump you for some other shack up honey?
20yrsinBranson
If I recall, you posted somewhere down-thread about 'freedom of speech being a son of a gun'...well, I'm about to exercise mine...
With all due respect, ma'am, have you walked a mile in Yankee's shoes? I would gather from some of the other responses to you here, that you haven't...Mrs Catfish and I are not parents ourselves, but we don't take it upon ourselves to assume that a custodial parent (male or female) is 'mad about something' or is being 'dumped for another shack-up honey'...
Did you magically morph into a fly and land on Yankee's wall while she was dealing with her ex and also trying to raise her son, and then draw your somewhat snippy conclusions from your housefly flights of fancy? I would hope not...I say now what others have said---just because YOU don't have kids, doesn't give you carte blanche to dump on people who DO, and make unfounded, frankly silly assumptions based on what your fortune-telling bunion whispers in your ear...
To all assembled who read this, I think if you've read any of my replies here in Relationships since I've been posting, then you know there is certain stuff the Captain just ain't havin'...and playing dog pile on the rabbit on someone who had a legitimate question/concern with smart-a**edness is high on the list...
@Yankeegirl313...you've gotta put your feelings and emotions aside, and go to court and get what you're due from him---ipso-facto no buts bottom line...he helped to bring your son into this world, and he should by-golly step up to the plate and fulfill his obligations, Toyota Celica and any other excuses be damned...I'm sorry if I sound a little blunt here, but it seems to me that you love your son dearly---I'm not TOTALLY ragging on your ex, because he must too, but there comes a time when you have to do right by your offspring, even if it might not set well down the road...
You are to be commended for raising your son right, and not trying to turn him against his dad...but Dad needs to HELP you raise him, and that's something he shouldn't be able to shy away from...
Get yourself into the court system NOW, post haste, immediately, most ricky-tick, and get the process started so that you don't have to struggle
He hasnt done it yet so far..And you never cared if he did. You have every excuse why he wouldnt pay child support.
So just leave him alone you always have. You and him obvious think him paying support for his kid isnt important. Not only is he a dead-beat but so are you for allowing it..
I think she "gets" that now.
But in her defense, she was trying to do what she believed was the right thing to do. After all, she has to live with her conscience.
Sometimes when you are involved in a situation you get so imbedded in it you can't see the forest for the trees. I'm betting things are clearer for her now and she'll move in the best direction for her son
Last I checked a 2008 Celica is two years old. Depending on the milage, it isn't going to be worth but a fraction of its original price. (depreciation, you know).
My philosophy is this. If he is your ex HUSBAND, then he should be responsible for 1/2 of the child support. Depending on what your DIVORCE DECREE says. Of course, if you were not married at the time (and there is no divorce decree), then you are going to have a hard time proving that he is even the father unless you have a paternity test.
By virtue of the fact that you have been supporting this child for quite some time without the help or benefit of that monthly check, it looks like you can get along just fine without it. I think you want the money just because you are mad about something. What happened did he dump you for some other shack up honey?
20yrsinBranson
Wow, and you are a woman? This is her ex and the father of her child...that is not in question. Why shouldn't he be as much responsible for his own child as she is? This has nothing to do with revenge. It is right that he be made to pay his fair share. It doesn't even matter, if she could get alone without the check or not. THIS IS HIS SON AND HIS RESPONSIBILITY!
OK.. I have freakin` had it. I need to vent this out before I blow up!
The last two and ahalf yrs. I have been very patient, with my ex, and his child support payments! I know that he has had a round of bad luck, so I haven`t ask him for nothing for our child. No clothes, no lunch money, nothing... he lost his business, and went bankrupt. He found another job pretty quickly after that, but I never ask him for a dime, because I knew that he had his own problems, and yes, I felt sorry for him.
Then, awhile later, he lost his house! More time, and sob stories...I was allowing him to try to get his life back before I ask him for money for our son.
The time just never seemed to be right. I would hear how broke he was, etc..
OK..Here awhile back..he sold a house he had, and got at least 5 grand.. his sister told me about it. I thought, well good....he can at least help pay for the school supplies and clothes that the boy needs... he is 11, and outgrowing everything..I ask him for help. He gives me a hundred dollars! Sigh......
I get furious about it, and go to the child support place to fill out papers on him....but haven`t turned them in yet..
He has given me 40 bucks last month, only because I ask him when he was going to start paying to help..
Today....he pulls up in my driveway driving a 2008 toyota selica!!
I called him and said,"A new car huh?" He went on to tell me how much money he will save with the diffrence in gas milieage, blah , blah!
He tells me that he don`t have enough money to pay his rent some months, or buy food, but this??
Hit me!!! I`m ready for ya!
I`m gonna add, that I`m not sure what will happen to him, once I turn these child support papers in...I don`t want to see him go to jail, or even payback the back child support...I just want him to make his payments weekly, so I can support him(our son) the way he needs to be.
If he's really that bad off regarding employment then you've only got yourself to blame if he gets thrown in jail and you don't see a dime, or the courts place an onerous support order on him that he cannot in reality come close to meeting and he up and leaves the country causing the child to suffer even worse. That's the stuff that's starting to happen these days with the out of touch child support laws.
Well.....thats another thing. My ex is not that bad of a guy...I mean he loves his son, wants to carry the Dad title, etc..but, just not pay for it.
I think its one thing to say he needs to help support the child he brought into this world.. but to sit there and say you have to pay to carry the "Dad" title? There are two different distinctions in being a dad and paying child support. Hence the the definition of a "Deadbeat Dad" = A father who doesnt pay child support.
One thing for sure.. he will always be "Dad" wether or not he pays child support, the failure to pay it does not take that title from him...
Oh really? Well, thats good to know. I have a soft heart and a little gullable when it comes to him, so I wouldn`t have to go to court at all?
Actually, it depends....here in NC the plaintiff (you) would not be required to go to court. CSE has all his info, and the court hearing would be a "show cause" hearing for him to tell the judge why he's been so slack.
I think that once in front of the judge, and you probably won't have any more problems out of him.
I agree he needs to be paying support. But dont state you dont want to see him jailed or pay back support because that is exactly what is going to happen.
Of course it depends on the state and county court but most likely the court will charge him the 2 yrs. arrears. Then depending on his income will assess an amount. Possibly the lowest would be 30% of 40 hrs a week at minimum wage weather he earns that amount or not. If he hasnt made his payments in 3 months he will go to court. Maybe the judge will accept his excuse maybe not. In another three months, court. this will go on for awhile, then the judge will most likely put him in jail 30 days, next time 60 days, next time 90. If he is still not caught up 5 months. And so on.
So if he is just not paying, this may teach him he must pay.
If he honestly dosent have enough money, he will just continually go to jail, loose his DL and any other business license and any job at the time. Of course it does depend on the judge.
Complete BS. Each person who goes in front of a judge for back child support is given a "purge" amount they must pay, or be sent to jail (and that is only after many, many attempts to collect)....they have every opportunity to keep themselves out of jail....no one is sent directly to jail....especially if they are really trying to do the right thing.
Yankeegirl, good luck to you . I don't know your states laws but in Nebraska, the plaintiff doesn't have to go to court. If he signed birth certificate (and doesn't dispute it later), he is father. If you're not married, he's going to pay. That's pretty much my experience with the system here. Of course, it differs with each person, but I can only talk about what I know. If they aren't working, when they file taxes it ALL goes to you. Well what your owed anyways. For example if he's past due 3k and he gets 5k back in taxes, 3 of it will go to you and a portion to the state also for fees.
I personally am the daughter of a deadbeat dad who purposely worked under the table to avoid paying child support. It sucks to struggle as a parent, I have done it and have seen it from the childs point of view as well.
Again good luck, it sounds like you already know no matter what happens your son is number one!
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Sigh......
Okay...NOW I'm Awake
at some of these responses!!!
