Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
True. Don't let the desire consume you. Desire is like a fire.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CancerianMoonPrincess
The bolded statement is what I do when looking for friends or a partner.
However, I somewhat disagree with the unbolded statement below. It's true that you won't find what you're looking for unless you try, but you also can't let that desire consume you to the point of desperation. I think what city_data is trying to say is that he's content being single while the thought of looking has been pushed to the back of his mind while he focuses on other things. After all, finding a gf/bf/spouse isn't everything in life, even if it's a good thing.
I think "not looking" really just means "not being desperate anymore" or just plain not caring.
I guess it's somewhat true for me. I finally got to the point where I figured I would be alone the rest of my life and I was truly okay with that. Then I found someone who is awesome.
^^Now that is a refresher to read!
I myself, never had a girlfriend, never had a first kiss, never been on a DATE before and going to be 20 in two weeks, while my little sister has a boyfriend on her first try, and they make out and slobber on each other when I'm in the room, kinda disheartening. But in every sea of darkness some do find that glimmer of hope. I am uncertain about my own future, very uncertain. But I hope for the best. I feel the need to move and very far away at that, but I'm anchored here, and I don't think I can do anything about it for a few years at least.
I reaslly doubt not being social will get you a girlfriend. Just not showing interest yourself cuts the odds i half at elast. Most males are more likely to make the first move in society.
I myself, never had a girlfriend, never had a first kiss, never been on a DATE before and going to be 20 in two weeks, while my little sister has a boyfriend on her first try, and they make out and slobber on each other when I'm in the room, kinda disheartening. But in every sea of darkness some do find that glimmer of hope. I am uncertain about my own future, very uncertain. But I hope for the best. I feel the need to move and very far away at that, but I'm anchored here, and I don't think I can do anything about it for a few years at least.
Consider yourself blessed that your mind has not been set in a ridiculous combination of cement made with salt sand, excrement and straw out of which the current Poster Boy of Ridiculousness has created his battlements.
And moving far away solves nothing. Your baggage goes with you. Nothing wrong at all about being uncertain about your future. If you know anyone of any age who is absolutely certain what their future holds in store then consider that you're dealing with a bit of an idiot.
By the way, if your younger sister is doing all this slobbering with her boyfriend in the room where you are, then why can't you say something?
Do you live under your parents roof? Where are your parents when this is going on? Do either you or your sister contribute to the household expenses?
You're not odd, you're just growing up and that often takes a very long time. I thought I was grown up at 16 when I first entered the workplace, continued to think I was grown up for many years thereafter. I finally started to realize when I turned 35 that, as I had suspected years ago, life is a very weird journey BUT always a learning process. Now 65, it's become more apparent every year.
Don't ever lose sight of that light at the end of the tunnel which you describe as the glimmer of hope in the sea of darkness. I think you're actually quite special in a very good way. Cheers and good luck!
Consider yourself blessed that your mind has not been set in a ridiculous combination of cement made with salt sand, excrement and straw out of which the current Poster Boy of Ridiculousness has created his battlements.
And moving far away solves nothing. Your baggage goes with you. Nothing wrong at all about being uncertain about your future. If you know anyone of any age who is absolutely certain what their future holds in store then consider that you're dealing with a bit of an idiot.
I dunno, but staying here where I am now isn't and has not done me any favors when it comes to relationships. At least moving to a state or part of the country I like could change things. Over the last week or so I've been nerve wracked and uneasy about school, so I don't know what to do, I might not be able to do what I always wanted to do and I'm just living in a delusional dream of going to the South.
By the way, if your younger sister is doing all this slobbering with her boyfriend in the room where you are, then why can't you say something?
How the house is angled, this computer is directly across a small space from her bedroom, I do say something about it, she doesn't listen. This happens when my parents are and are not home, nothing ever comes of it, except the out noises get louder.
Do you live under your parents roof? Where are your parents when this is going on? Do either you or your sister contribute to the household expenses?
Yes. I do live at my parents. And for the last 3 months I've been sending resume's all over town with no success. My Friday nights are spent with my senile and alzheimer's stricken grandmother. Alot of my old friends are having the time of their lives, and none of my extended family will help us with what we've been dealing with for the last few years, so I'm saddled to a situation at 20 where I don't exactly have a social life.
You're not odd, you're just growing up and that often takes a very long time. I thought I was grown up at 16 when I first entered the workplace, continued to think I was grown up for many years thereafter. I finally started to realize when I turned 35 that, as I had suspected years ago, life is a very weird journey BUT always a learning process. Now 65, it's become more apparent every year.
I just turned 20 this week and I've been seeing more and more of what you are talking about
Don't ever lose sight of that light at the end of the tunnel which you describe as the glimmer of hope in the sea of darkness. I think you're actually quite special in a very good way. Cheers and good luck!
I thank you for the kind words. My responses are in bold. I am so sorry it took me so long to respond.
Last edited by Desert kid; 06-26-2011 at 10:42 PM..
But if that's true, then I would have a girlfriend. Or a girl would at least show interest in me. Right?
Because I'm content to be single, so I'm not looking for a girlfriend. If a girl showed interest in me, I might decline since I'm content to be single. But it would be nice if a girl showed interest in me, and I would be open to the idea of a relationship with the right girl.
Do you think the saying "you'll get a girlfriend when you're not looking" is true? Is/was it true for you?
True for me but also put myself in a situation to interact with girls.
Looking for it means you have set aside a time and place as to when to look. Like going out on the weekend with your friends. Not looking is when you are not overtly looking at every person as a pick up and will happen when you are busy doing ordinary things in your day.
I used to go out with my friends every weekend - typical mindgame, one night stand BS which is fine if that's what you're looking for - it wasn't for me. One day I was doing laundry and ran out of quarters and hopped in my car and went up to the self serve car wash to get change from the machine (harldly in 'looking' mode) and it was there I locked eyes with this man and long story short I dated him for 10 years. It came to me when I wasn't looking, when I was doing everyday things in life.
I heard it's attractive to girls when they can sense that you don't need them. When they can sense you're desperate, that's unattractive.
If a guy is not looking, the girls should be able to sense that he doesn't need them.
I started this thread before my dream, when I was content to be single. But even though I want a girlfriend now, it's not like I center my life around desperately getting girls.
If it's attractive when girls can sense you don't need them, that wouldn't explain my lack of success.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
People say you'll get a girlfriend when you're not looking
