People say you'll get a girlfriend when you're not looking (marry, woman)
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Yeah, I mean, kinda. Being richer, in better shape, and ambitious can only help a guy. But that does not mean he'll have women actively pursuing him (not the attractive ones anyway). For the most part, girls don't "court" guys. Men approach, women are approached. Men hunt, women are hunted. From a woman's perspective (especially an attractive woman), why would you "court" a man where the whole game is set up where the guy has to initiate? That's why our friend can't just improve his wealth, mind state, etc and neglect improving his skills with girls by going out and flirting with them.
A visual representation of why simply "improving yourself" does not work.
Let me rephrase what I meant by girls actively pursuing.
A guy who is improving his life through career, physical, mental, social, or other areas will be more attractive to a girl, as opposed to if he was stagnant in life, had no plans for improving his career, had the same hobbies, never wanted to improve his health, etc. I'm not claiming he will be pursued by a girl out of his league because of it. It's the same girl who he "could" be dating, that would be interested in him, and pursue him.
He must remain social tho. As long as he keeps doing his normal social behavior, meeting people, being introduced to friends of friends - girls that are in his sphere will gravitate toward him.
You are right, it's rare that a girl will actively pursue a guy, like us guys do them. But they have their own ways of "pursuing" guys they're attracted to and making themselves convincing candidates for a girlfriend. My current girlfriend claims she "gamed me" but really all she did was hang out and interact with me a lot, engage me, and make herself attractive as a GF, but ultimately I was the one who thought she would be a good girlfriend.
But if that's true, then I would have a girlfriend. Or a girl would at least show interest in me. Right?
Because I'm content to be single, so I'm not looking for a girlfriend. If a girl showed interest in me, I might decline since I'm content to be single. But it would be nice if a girl showed interest in me, and I would be open to the idea of a relationship with the right girl.
Do you think the saying "you'll get a girlfriend when you're not looking" is true? Is/was it true for you?
It's true. You just haven't been "not looking" for long enough.
"Back in the day" people used to seek out people who had the same commonalities, hobbies, and talents to date.
Both men and women are sheltered, inhibited, stifled, and pompous adult children who never grew up past the age of 4: this contributes to the continuous destruction of relationships within the USA.
Now it's a haphazard illogical absurd strategy like "you'll get a gf/bf when you aren't looking."
1. Yes, I am content to be single.
2. However, I would be open to the idea of dating/having a girlfriend if the right girl showed interest in me
3. You might think dating is supposed to lead to intimacy or marriage. But not me. I couldn't care less about intimacy and I'm never getting married. As far as I'm concerned, dating is not about intimacy or marriage.
No, this is what society says "dating" is. Good grief. Pray divulge YOUR definition of "dating" for the sake of edification.
Back "in the day" people use to seek out people who had the same commonalities, hobbies, and talents to date.
Now it's a haphazard illogical absurd strategy like "you'll get a gf/bf when you aren't looking."
The bolded statement is what I do when looking for friends or a partner.
However, I somewhat disagree with the unbolded statement below. It's true that you won't find what you're looking for unless you try, but you also can't let that desire consume you to the point of desperation. I think what city_data is trying to say is that he's content being single while the thought of looking has been pushed to the back of his mind while he focuses on other things. After all, finding a gf/bf/spouse isn't everything in life, even if it's a good thing.
No, this is what society says "dating" is. Good grief. Pray divulge YOUR definition of "dating" for the sake of edification.
But who's to say I should follow society's definition of dating?
If my type of dating doesn't lead to marriage or sex, what's wrong with that? There are sexless relationships and there are relationships that don't result in marriage.
You've already said that women don't approach you. I doubt very much that asexual women would be inclined to do so, because women are already in the position of fending off male advances. A woman who does not want sex probably isn't going to approach a guy and say, "Excuse me, but would you be interested in not having sex with me?" Perhaps if you congregated in specially asexual groups, but as you mentioned before, women don't approach you.
But if that's true, then I would have a girlfriend. Or a girl would at least show interest in me. Right?
Because I'm content to be single, so I'm not looking for a girlfriend. If a girl showed interest in me, I might decline since I'm content to be single. But it would be nice if a girl showed interest in me, and I would be open to the idea of a relationship with the right girl.
Do you think the saying "you'll get a girlfriend when you're not looking" is true? Is/was it true for you?
JMHO, but that particular saying is (mostly) pure rubbish...one logically cannot get a g/f, if they don't put the work and effort required into it. "Not looking" = no effort right?
OTOH, finding someone while doing an activity that you enjoy, and technically "not looking", per se, may be a different story though...
I think it applies to females period. Women don't need to do anything more than accept the offers that come along, while men are expected to do the approaching part.
The exception is when there's an obvious obstacle for the woman like overweight or unusually bad face-traits, but at least in my age-group I find that maybe 4-5 out of a 100 girls are overweight and 2 in a thousand have something that breaks off attraction in terms of different sized eyes, a hunchback or other physically weird attributes.
Though I'm not sure this if this applies very well across the pond, all my friends who were exchange students in American colleges (can count 8 off the top of my head) basically said 90% of the women there were physically degraded in terms of health and shape, (and obsessively christian) they basically found the general healthlevel unbelievably low, to the point of off-putting. I was advised to seek another country for my exchange year if wanted there to be date-able women in sight...
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