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Nothing wrong with aiming high, in my opinion. Why not? If it doesn't work out, you can always re-evaluate your "must haves". However, it's the entitlement, bitterness, and whining that I don't sympathize with.
Nothing wrong with aiming high, in my opinion. Why not? If it doesn't work out, you can always re-evaluate your "must haves". However, it's the entitlement, bitterness, and whining that I don't sympathize with.
Agreed. Either evaluate your must-haves, work on self-improvement (i.e. your weight or looks. The better you look, the better your chances), or keep changing the pool you are searching in until you find your audience.
Why is it any more shallow to want to share an interest in something someone feels passionate about than say what a person looks like? Seems less so, actually. I have a lot of different experiences in my life. So I find it comfortable to talk and connect with people across those. There are a lot of things that I have neither experience nor interest in. I am never ever ever going to interested in talking to someone about modern art. If you studied modern art in school, I may well conclude that we won't share much in common. As for the useless degree comment she made, I would tend to agree with you there.
Well we're talking about OLD not someone you already know or met in RL. Physical attraction in OLD is easily ascertained through pics, usually. I wouldn't say most preferences are inherently shallow but making assumptions and profiling is.
If you don't want someone that likes to go to alternative music concerts, or a great example from a current thread, plays video games - you wouldn't know that about someone through OLD unless : A. You asked them or B. They said it in their profile. This is where OLD fails it just results in stereotyping, assumptions, leaps in logic and logical fallacies, and shallow catalog shopping not based on substance.
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Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD
I agree. I only mention weight because men who OLD always complain about the amount of overweight women online, but there are just as many overweight men online trying to get the hottest women. And these same overweight men are usually not going for overweight women.
Actually it's a lot of overweight women, and women w/ kids both. The hilarious part is a lot of these women think they deserve a dime. If you want to talk about entitlement I beg you to read through a few thousand profiles of women on the sites I assure you until you've done that you haven't seen self-entitled trust me. I fit neither of the aforementioned categories OLD is best for men with low standards that can't attract high quality women in RL.
Last edited by wanderlust76; 01-22-2017 at 10:03 AM..
Men do this too. The most unattractive guys think they should have the hottest women. Men always try to date out of their so-called league.
Women who many consider very unattractive still often get tons of message online so it can't be always. The guys probably don't get any messages and often few responses.
Well we're talking about OLD not someone you already know or met in RL. Physical attraction in OLD is easily ascertained through pics, usually. I wouldn't say most preferences are inherently shallow but making assumptions and profiling is.
If you don't want someone that likes to go to alternative music concerts, or a great example from a current thread, plays video games - you wouldn't know that about someone through OLD unless : A. You asked them or B. They said it in their profile. This is where OLD fails it just results in stereotyping, assumptions, leaps in logic and logical fallacies, and shallow catalog shopping not based on substance.
Actually it's a lot of overweight women, and women w/ kids both. The hilarious part is a lot of these women think they deserve a dime. If you want to talk about entitlement I beg you to read through a few thousand profiles of women on the sites I assure you until you've done that you haven't seen self-entitled trust me. I fit neither of the aforementioned categories OLD is best for men with low standards that can't attract high quality women in RL.
If you were a woman wouldn't you do the same thing and aim for the best man that you could? Why would anyone, male or female, do otherwise?
Actually it's a lot of overweight women, and women w/ kids both. The hilarious part is a lot of these women think they deserve a dime. If you want to talk about entitlement I beg you to read through a few thousand profiles of women on the sites I assure you until you've done that you haven't seen self-entitled trust me. I fit neither of the aforementioned categories OLD is best for men with low standards that can't attract high quality women in RL.
My experience is mostly in perusing the profiles of men- and I can assure you, from my experience, that women do NOT have the market cornered on entitlement, in the least.
I personally found it amusing to read some of these profiles.
My absolute favorite was the married (or otherwise "taken") type who believed that because his wife/gf "didn't understand his needs", he was entitled to look elsewhere.
ETA: Also, of course, are the many guys with long lists of "requirements", who frankly, don't bring anything of real value to the table.
Well we're talking about OLD not someone you already know or met in RL. Physical attraction in OLD is easily ascertained through pics, usually. I wouldn't say most preferences are inherently shallow but making assumptions and profiling is.
So... this is a non-issue out in the wild, in-person? People draw conclusions and make assumptions based on their own perceptions all the time. This happens whether browsing profiles or sizing up a woman at, say, the park with her two kids. She could be single, divorced, a widow, never-married and adopted said kids, etc. Someone could assume that if she is available then is there just one "baby daddy" or two?
Unless one asks, or information is volunteered, then you make assumptions, or don't. A dating profile is not meant to share every important or mundane detail/belief/interest/desire, etc. My husband isn't a huge fan of 80s music, and it's possible this question came up in OKC's survey and I didn't see it. It certainly wasn't mentioned in his profile. I love 80s music and we banter with each other about our different taste here.
Thing is, I wouldn't have known how he felt about 80s music had we met at a meetup group, unless the topic of conversation was music. If he approached me at a coffee shop, I doubt this particular topic would have come up out of the blue.
Some things come up in normal conversations in any setting. I knew more about my husband from the start than I would have had we met randomly in-person (like cold approach or meeting in-person elsewhere).
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If you don't want someone that likes to go to alternative music concerts, or a great example from a current thread, plays video games - you wouldn't know that about someone through OLD unless
Well, I listed my favorite music genres in my profile, and questions about the arts/music/interests were part of OKC's survey. I also stated in my profile that I play video games. Heck, one of my profile photos was a picture of me getting GW2 after months of anticipation. (that fellow gamers responded to) There's also the question: "Would you date someone who plays video games two hours everyday?" My husband answered "yes," as did I.
Funnily, I came across a lot of men's profile that answered no, but once I asked about it many admitted it was due to how many women feel about video games. Most of these men, late 30s to mid-40s, were gamers.
Let me ask you this, how would you know if a woman you meet in-person is cool with gaming? Do you ask her shortly after initiating contact? So, if you meet a pleasant, good-looking woman at a bird-watching meetup group, and let's say you've seen her there a few times and exchange smiles and hellos. Do you just ask her if she's cool with video games after a few minutes? Do you ask her about other details that are important to you, or do you wait until the topic naturally comes up? Maybe bring it up on date three or four? Work it in somehow.
There's always going to be things you don't know about someone when you first meet, no matter where you meet. But I can say, I knew far more about my a lot of my matches, with filled out profiles (and answers to the survey), than you or anyone would know by cold approaching or meeting through activities, or whatever other way is said to be better than dating sites.
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A. You asked them or B. They said it in their profile.
Isn't that how we find out anything about anybody? By what they disclose, freely or after being prompted? A profile simply shares details of what you like/desire, bits of who you are, what you're looking for, etc. It can be concise or lengthy, just like most other interactions. Someone can check out my CD profile and see that I like fantasy and sci-fi. CD members would know more about me than some dude hitting on me at the coffee shop. They'd know where I've lived, that I like Spinoza and have cats. That's far more information than one would get when meeting/crossing paths in-person. They could determine by what they read (and posting history) whether they'd like to friend me, converse or put me in the "cool people of CD" category.
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This is where OLD fails it just results in stereotyping, assumptions, leaps in logic and logical fallacies, and shallow catalog shopping not based on substance.
I think there are a lot of factors that play into people's experiences with dating sites, as with everything. I don't know what you like, but region/location plays a role, as does age and other factors.
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Actually it's a lot of overweight women, and women w/ kids both. The hilarious part is a lot of these women think they deserve a dime.
Aren't you making these assumptions right now? You're furthering these stereotypes in a sentence right after you chastise OLD women for "stereotyping" and making assumptions.
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If you want to talk about entitlement I beg you to read through a few thousand profiles of women on the sites I assure you until you've done that you haven't seen self-entitled trust me. I fit neither of the aforementioned categories OLD is best for men with low standards that can't attract high quality women in RL.
Except that a lot of what you say here is an example of making assumptions and generalizations.
My experience is mostly in perusing the profiles of men- and I can assure you, from my experience, that women do NOT have the market cornered on entitlement, in the least.
I personally found it amusing to read some of these profiles.
My absolute favorite was the married (or otherwise "taken") type who believed that because his wife/gf "didn't understand his needs", he was entitled to look elsewhere.
ETA: Also, of course, are the many guys with long lists of "requirements", who frankly, don't bring anything of real value to the table.
Yeah, y'all don't kid yourselves with this entitlement thing. A lot of men put that on full display. Like they were owed a reply, date, "a chance," etc., and if they were ignored, as I'm sure a lot of them do when homely or "fat" women hit them up, they get salty and aggressive.
I distinctly remember one fellow (of quite a few) going all in with the insults because I didn't respond to his repeated messages. I rolled my eyes so hard, and shut his foolishness down. His attitude was not far off from what we see in CD-R.
I wasn't interested, and surely wasn't obligated to explain why, just like all these CD-R men with "high standards" aren't obligated to respond to the "homelies," "fatties," feminists, women with crazy colored hair, tattooed women, and single mothers.
The worse thing about online dating is when your friend tries to pressure you into doing it. She suggested to me that I should try online dating because it's the in thing nowadays. I told her "I didn't realize it was a requirement to try it out." She told me she met her ex on a dating site and I repeated to her that I didn't need it because what I was doing was working. She said "Just try it out you might get lucky and meet someone." This went back and forth a few times and I got annoyed, excused myself, and left. The woman could not comprehend that I wasn't interested in using online dating. It was like talking to a brick wall.
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