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If you are too scared to go over and say "hello" to someone,
Dude, what are you talking about? What an interesting way to deflect from the fact that your "argument" sinks like the Poseidon.
Andplusalso, I'm married, very happily, too.
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how are you going to have the courage to be able to lead a relationship?
Just because someone has success with a particular medium does not mean they're incapable of pursuing others. Sometimes there is a preference for one method or medium over another, because in some people's experiences that method yielded good or desirable results. I realize this was not true for you, but what's true for you, especially as it relates to anecdotal evidence, is not true for all others. I was perfectly capable of initiating contact if that were my thing. It wasn't, so it wasn't my go-to method. What worked for me worked really, really well, so there was nothing to fix or tweak.
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If none of our experiences overlap, and we aren't defined by any sort of sexual imperative, then how are we even able to converse/relate at all?
Oh wait. Is this the start of some red pill or repackaged PUA mumbo jumbo? That's a hard pass.
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You aren't making any sense
Me thinks you don't understand that your "argument" is fallacious, and why it is, thus you'd find it hard to understand my counterargument.
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Being rude doesn't make your discussion any better. There is no value to what you are saying.
I'm not being rude. I'm pointing out your fallacies and erroneous assumptions.
I agree with this statement and at that age the successful men that women are looking for are not available because those men are dating the hot daughter. Why have something past their expiration date when successful men can get the hotter, younger version?
Men age like fine wine while women age like curdled milk, that being said, if watching My 600lb Life has taught me anything its that SOME men will take anything that comes their way.
LOL!! I sure wish the first part of that was true.
See? This is what the women getting cheeky don't understand.
Men have huge fears with the approach. It's stuff like that which leads them to rationalizing their fear and laziness. Then going onto something lame like online dating.
I can tell you that I have been through a lot of insecurity myself, mate. And yeah, the whole "will I get pepper-sprayed" was an issue for me at first!
No. The vast majority of women enjoy being approached with a pleasant compliment.
I would say that half of my approaches are very enjoyable. The other half, the woman is merely uninterested, so I say "have a really good day", and then move on.
I'm starting to fade out of that scene, myself.
I always wonder where this fear of being tased and such comes from. Granted, there are nutters out there, but like you said most women are flattered by a hello or compliment (even if they aren't interested). I suppose it's just an emotional response that can't be helped. Like stage fright.
I met my boyfriend online. I know I'm happy and I'm pretty sure he is too. We never would have met socially or organically though. He lives and works in an area I never go to and same with me (I work and live in an area he'd never go to).
Online dating does work... for some. Not everyone. It's not good to put all ones eggs in one basket. I never just did online dating. I did speed dating and singles events too. Met and dating a fair number of men (the main problem I ran into is so many were looking for marriage, so we weren't a good match). But the point is to not rely on online dating alone--man or not. It's just one of many tools and it might not be the tool that works for you (or it might). Doesn't hurt to try if you don't get overly emotionally invested in it.
And I still like that instant dating idea. Could be tough to pull off, but again, why not try?
No, OLD is different and is used by a lot of serial daters and catalog shoppers and so on.
And it's used by a lot of men who are only after casual sex. So? The same is true for a variety of other mediums and "normal" places for meeting available men and women.
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A lot of women don't even use OLD or put much time into it.
According to...? I have over a dozen friends in my social circle who met their spouses on a dating site, and I'm active in several groups that discuss online dating experiences and stories.
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There's more men on the sites than women.
Sure. The gender ratio is well-known. That shouldn't be a surprise. That doesn't mean it doesn't work for some people.
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You meet more normal women in RL.
Based on whose definition of "normal"? The women I know who married men they met online are pretty normal to me. Perhaps we have different definitions of "normal." This also assumes that all men have the opportunity to run into available women, especially available women they're interested in or attracted to. This may not be the case for 30 or 40-somethings who work in male-dominated fields and the women in their social circle are more than likely unavailable. The vast majority of men in this age group, in my experience, were previously married with children. They very rarely crossed paths with available women around their age.
Dude, what are you talking about? What an interesting way to deflect from the fact that your "argument" sinks like the Poseidon.
Have heard a lot of sarcasm, but not much decent contrary points.
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Andplusalso, I'm married, very happily, too.
What does this have to do with the price of fish?
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Just because someone has success with a particular medium does not mean they're incapable of pursuing others. Sometimes there is a preference for one method or medium over another, because in some people's experiences that method yielded good or desirable results. I realize this was not true for you, but what's true for you, especially as it relates to anecdotal evidence, is not true for all others. I was perfectly capable of initiating contact if that were my thing. It wasn't, so it wasn't my go-to method. What worked for me worked really, really well, so there was nothing to fix or tweak.
Then why can't a man speak up for himself, and speak to me about how going online is better than meeting women in real life?
I think you'll find that the general consensus among men is that their social-circle is the best thing for a relationship.
Not even something that I necessarily agree with. It is the best way to find a relationship, but not on their terms.
Still, far better than the internet. For a multitude of reasons.
Why don't you give one good reason why the internet is a good option?
You haven't yet, among all the sarcasm
I'm underwhelmed.
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Oh wait. Is this the start of some red pill or repackaged PUA mumbo jumbo? That's a hard pass.
Yeah. Biology is inconvenient.
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Me thinks you don't understand that your "argument" is fallacious, and why it is, thus you'd find it hard to understand my counterargument.
You don't have any argument.
Actually make a case for why online is better than literally any other medium.
Go ahead....
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
I'm not being rude. I'm pointing out your fallacies and erroneous assumptions.
I always wonder where this fear of being tased and such comes from. Granted, there are nutters out there, but like you said most women are flattered by a hello or compliment (even if they aren't interested). I suppose it's just an emotional response that can't be helped. Like stage fright.
I met my boyfriend online. I know I'm happy and I'm pretty sure he is too. We never would have met socially or organically though. He lives and works in an area I never go to and same with me (I work and live in an area he'd never go to).
Online dating does work... for some. Not everyone. It's not good to put all ones eggs in one basket. I never just did online dating. I did speed dating and singles events too. Met and dating a fair number of men (the main problem I ran into is so many were looking for marriage, so we weren't a good match). But the point is to not rely on online dating alone--man or not. It's just one of many tools and it might not be the tool that works for you (or it might). Doesn't hurt to try if you don't get overly emotionally invested in it.
And I still like that instant dating idea. Could be tough to pull off, but again, why not try?
That's a really big subject. Very hard to define, because as men we lie to ourselves.
For example: there is a tendancy to put down women who reject us. I'll say in my head, "she was low-quality, anyway". But that is a load of rubbish. She was merely low-interest.
Same thing when I bottle out of approaching a woman. In my mind, I'll make up something like "she looked busy", or whatever.
I think, what it comes down to is that men are prideful. We have egos. And each rejection is a direct challenge to our identity.
Going through a tonne of rejection is like an ego-destruction. It is hard, but that doesn't mean it should be avoided.
It's like going in the army, having the crappy parts drilled out of you. To emerge better for it.
No point living in delusion.
And that's only one aspect of why guy's get anxious. It's a really terrible thing, and a massive subject.
I still get anxiety now, but I don't let it rule my life. I think that's the main thing
I always wonder where this fear of being tased and such comes from. Granted, there are nutters out there, but like you said most women are flattered by a hello or compliment (even if they aren't interested). I suppose it's just an emotional response that can't be helped. Like stage fright.
I met my boyfriend online. I know I'm happy and I'm pretty sure he is too. We never would have met socially or organically though. He lives and works in an area I never go to and same with me (I work and live in an area he'd never go to).
Online dating does work... for some. Not everyone. It's not good to put all ones eggs in one basket. I never just did online dating. I did speed dating and singles events too. Met and dating a fair number of men (the main problem I ran into is so many were looking for marriage, so we weren't a good match). But the point is to not rely on online dating alone--man or not. It's just one of many tools and it might not be the tool that works for you (or it might). Doesn't hurt to try if you don't get overly emotionally invested in it.
And I still like that instant dating idea. Could be tough to pull off, but again, why not try?
Eh. Dating sites were my preferred tool. I had no want or reason to seriously consider other methods. OKC was not only convenient, but very efficient and effective as a tool. It would have been extremely difficult to meet a truly compatible (to me) match otherwise. Many people who were previously married or in LTR and have children find dating sites to work really well with their schedules and various other criteria. It also works for others who have niche or obscure criteria that would yield pretty lackluster results otherwise. My husband is one of those people. We both are.
I've gotten 4 dates from OLD. 1 from POF and 3 from Tinder. 2 Tinder dates turned into relationships, the first one lasted 7 months and I'm currently in the 2nd on on the 3rd mobth...and I think tinder helped me find "the one". We've been inseparable for awhile now.
That being said I must have messaged over 100 or even 150 women, or more, and over the past ~2 years have had only around 20 women respond to the messages. Both of the tinder relationships, the lady messaged me first
Have heard a lot of sarcasm, but not much decent contrary points.
More deflection. You don't really have a legitimate argument that isn't based on anecdotes fueled by hurt sensibilities, and that's okay. We get it.
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What does this have to do with the price of fish?
It worked for me. It didn't work for you, so now you're attempting to find ways to invalidate other people's actual experiences and successes, all because it didn't work for you.
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Then why can't a man speak up for himself, and speak to me about how going online is better than meeting women in real life?
A man can. Maybe try reading the rest of the thread or do a search for posts by men who have had success. You may not see much of it considering this forum attracts bitter men with bruised egos and an abundance of dating wisdom.
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I think you'll find that the general consensus among men is that their social-circle is the best thing for a relationship.
Or not. Perhaps it's an individual thing, or maybe there are many other factors, especially when said "social circle" is absent of available women.
You must be young. Your dating wisdom is not at all universal for men, and it fails at understanding individual criteria, desires, personality, lifestyle, and many other factors and variables.
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Not even something that I necessarily agree with. It is the best way to find a relationship, but not on their terms.
Based on your limited experiences, correct? You have a knack for speaking for "men" or "most men." It must be nice having Professor X's abilities.
Now that is sarcasm.
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Still, far better than the internet. For a multitude of reasons.
For you and others who prefer other mediums and methods, yes. All men? Negative, ghost rider.
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Why don't you give one good reason why the internet is a good option?
You seem young, so you may not "get" that there exist many factors and variables when it comes to dating. Someone may have certain criteria that makes finding a suitable match difficult. A man who is child-free may prefer dating sites because it allows him to disclose his child-free status and avoid awkward conversations and/or wasting time and money on multiple dates before the topic comes up. Another could be adamantly against marriage and prefers to disclose this via their profile from the start rather than, like I stated before, meeting someone, possibly hitting it off, have a few more dates, and then drop the bomb that marriage is not in the cards. Or kids and marriage.
Others may have various other criteria that may make it very difficult or impossible to find a suitable match the "ordinary" way. A Muslim woman who is interested in dating only fellow Muslims, or the devout Catholic woman who will only marry a devout Catholic, but lives in an area that is predominantly Southern Baptist. A man could have a preference or Asian or Latina women, but if his immediate social circle isn't ethnically diverse then he has to find ways to find his preferred matches.
Maybe a divorced father prefers to date divorced mothers due to their shared experiences. If they are in their mid-30s+ their immediate social circle will likely be married individuals. They have to branch out somehow.
Some people have criteria that can be very difficult or impossible to find in their immediate circle, and dating sites are a tool that can make the search, based on screening/filtering, more efficient or effective. No waiting until date three or four+ to discuss the idea marriage or kids, or someone's religious background, or an assortment of other criteria or factors. Maybe you and others like the "organic" meet people through friends/social activities/bar/club/Trader Joe's/Best Buy/college/church and hope there's chemistry and no obvious incompatibilities (that may likely pop up on date three, four, five, six, or month three, six, nine, etc., etc.), but some of us prefer to use dating sites as a tool to weed out and screen for compatible matches based on our own parameters and criteria. Some of us don't want to waste time, energy (and money) on dates that will not move forward once deal-breakers or other incompatibilities rear their head.
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You haven't yet, among all the sarcasm
There's little to say if you simply don't understand the mechanics of an argument or position you're arguing for. You still insist on baseless assumptions that only serve to validate your cognitive biases.
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I'm underwhelmed.
Yes, I can see how a lack of comprehension of logical fallacies and erroneous generalizations does this. You're unwilling to separate your experiences from other people's experiences. Your experiences are your own, and that's it. Your experience left you underwhelmed. Fine. Choose a different method.
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Yeah. Biology is inconvenient.
You don't have any argument.
Actually make a case for why online is better than literally any other medium.
Go ahead....
Nothing said of any real substance so far.
Why is the onus on me when my preferred method worked fantastically for me? You are making the claim that online dating is an inferior method/tool, yet your whole spiel hinges in your anecdotes of three months, your cognitive biases. You have no sound argument if you cannot or refuse to understand that failing to qualify your statements is not an effective way to argue your [weak] point.
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