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It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. I've managed to make the last three decades seem like sixty years
and no, I'm not looking forward to one day reaching 50.
I can't imagine being able to do even half of what I include in my life
now at that point, and that includes women.
For those of you that want to hit 50 - have fun at the golf course, reading AARP and gardening.
What era are you in???? Whose life actually centers around what you say at age 50 today? You need to be more observant, and I would guess that more than likely, you haven't even a clue what a 50 year old looks like. And if you think that will be YOU when YOU turn 50, more than likely it will happen due to your flippen attitude! Sheesh....
All I can add is that by the time you are 50, you are usually set in your ways, and it would be harder to let someone share your life literally and figuratively if you have never done do previously.
I was in a long term relationship for 6 years, we lived together for 5, we shared everything, heck, she even had a son who was 14 at the time, we had joint bank accounts, I really don't see how this would be different from having a piece of paper that says that you are going to be "together forever"
When I look back, I think the best thing I could have done was not ever getting married to this person or having children with her.
We had a very good relationship, hardly ever argued, the only problem is that after 5 years of being together, I don't care who you are, things are just not the same, the love, the passion, the sex drive is simply not the same.
I could have stayed and settled for a very mediocre, unexciting relationship but life is too short for mediocrity, so I went after what I wanted. She is one of my best friends.
I was in a long term relationship for 6 years, we lived together for 5, we shared everything, heck, she even had a son who was 14 at the time, we had joint bank accounts, I really don't see how this would be different from having a piece of paper that says that you are going to be "together forever"
When I look back, I think the best thing I could have done was not ever getting married to this person or having children with her.
We had a very good relationship, hardly ever argued, the only problem is that after 5 years of being together, I don't care who you are, things are just not the same, the love, the passion, the sex drive is simply not the same.
I could have stayed and settled for a very mediocre, unexciting relationship but life is too short for mediocrity, so I went after what I wanted. She is one of my best friends.
And did this begin at age 50, though?? That is my point. To automatically begin to live with someone at that age can be tough and that is all I meant. And too, may I ask how this then affected her son once you two split?? Was he 14 or 9 when you two decided to live together? Just curious as I have seen too many "uncles" ruin my student's lives due to this very thing.
I know for myself the only criteria where I would accept entering into marriage again in my life is strictly if the person is 1)exceedingly sexually compatible and physically appealing to me 2) is agreeable AND 3)is of equal or higher earning means than me. Otherwise it's girlfriendship or nada.
.... My objections to marriage are strictly in the realm of the economic consequences imposed by the laws on marriage and divorce, not the social customs and historical precedents otherwise associated with marriage. I just think it's a lousy contract.
To each their own of course, that cannot be emphasized enough.
This is interesting to read coming from you. On the one hand you state (in another thread) that you want a woman willing to follow your career around, essentially a woman without a career, "Yes, I'm not going to apologize for preferring an attractive, agreeable woman who is content in having the man be the vocational driver of the household."
Then you state you want a woman who is an equal or higher earner? Perhaps you just want a girl friend to follow you around or magically a high earning woman who doesn't have a career?
We had a very good relationship, hardly ever argued, the only problem is that after 5 years of being together, I don't care who you are, things are just not the same, the love, the passion, the sex drive is simply not the same.
I could have stayed and settled for a very mediocre, unexciting relationship but life is too short for mediocrity, so I went after what I wanted. She is one of my best friends.
It depends on the people involved. Of course, sexual newness never lasts, but that component in a relationship is just one thing amongst many. If it's the most important aspect and if the folk involved aren't capable of developing something of greater value, then it will be a significant variable. But, for those that have many ingredients in the pot of their relationship, it's not a great loss ime. I've been with my dh for over a decade now and I still feel like we're just starting out. We've done and accomplished a lot so far together with our lives and have a million things on the agenda.
You know the intellectual and emotional time spent on your dating? I guess all the activities that lend to the newness delight when you meet someone new. Since we don't have that driving force it's funneled into other areas. When I was in my 20s I spent quite a bit of time going out and dating. It was good. Now, the time is just spent differently. For example, and you may appreciate this, I attempted to draw up plans yesterday for a console to seat our decks. I guess we could buy something from Ikea, but ever since we bought the house we've taken to building. We do just about everything on our own and it's pretty satisfying. Once I figure out the design (hate what we currently have), we'll go to the home depot, choose the wood, the finish, and surely by another power tool lol.
So, we spin together, build together, we have a chemistry night together (dh wants to be sure we keep up on our knowledge base). We've both gotten degrees since knowing each other. We've been so busy that I feel like we've barely gotten started. So, it's not stale at all.
Wow, 5 years into the relationship and you gave up?
We're coming into our 7th year and it's still exciting me. I feel I am just getting to know the man.
As to the question posed, I am not a huge proponent of marriage. I think it is an outdated institution and needs a serious overhaul to drag it into the 21st century. You can raise children perfectly fine without the need for marriage. Marriage doesn't keep people together and in the US in particular, it is a absolute disaster if you want to divorce. It's shocking to see that it ruins people's lives.
It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. I've managed to make the last three decades seem like sixty years
and no, I'm not looking forward to one day reaching 50.
I can't imagine being able to do even half of what I include in my life
now at that point, and that includes women.
For those of you that want to hit 50 - have fun at the golf course, reading AARP and gardening.
If you think you've "managed to make the last three decades seem like sixty years", how does that correlate into not looking forward to "one day reaching 50"? I suppose it's remiss to assume that you've continued learning and growing in those three packed decades because were that so you would look forward to continuing the growth pattern. Ergo, the assumption is that those three decades have been a stultifying drag, in which case you have absolutely NOTHING to look forward to at 50 except golfing, reading the AARP newsletter and gardening (only the latter if your poor old joints can accommodate the bending and kneeling and stretching involved)! You poor dear and how silly of you to presume that nobody but you has packed several decades into just a few. Just as silly as presuming that reaching 50 is some sort of a cut-off date where life enjoyment and quality decline.
At 50 I embarked on a new career and opened up a restaurant from scratch, renovating an old building in true "hands-on" style, jackhammering, stripping down, painting, carpentry and everything else. Actually did that twice when after two years I moved into a larger space which also required massive renovations of the same ilk. Carried on for 15 years doing pretty much everything myself (ordering, cooking, cleaning, maintenance, yard working and way too much more to list) until I closed the place a couple of months ago. At 65 a combination of a poor economy AND some health issues brought about the decision but now (once I've taken a well-deserved rest) I'm looking forward to embarking upon yet another episode in this nutty journey of life.
And, who knows, it's not entirely impossible that a relationship or even a marriage is out of the picture. I never negate anything. The demands of the restaurant were such that I had almost no time to socialize outside its boundaries but now I can do "normal" stuff and one never knows what's out there.
I've known many people over many years who've either married or entered into what turned out to be long term "until death us do part" relationships in their 50s, 60s and even 70s and 80s. Marriage isn't always of prime importance emotionally later in life but in many cases there are compelling financial reasons to get that piece of paper when property and tax issues are involved.
Uhm, I hate to rain on your parade but, since no one is guaranteed tomorrow, you may not live to see 50. I just don't understand why you would want to wait that long, but that's you.
Uhm, I hate to rain on your parade but, since no one is guaranteed tomorrow, you may not live to see 50. I just don't understand why you would want to wait that long, but that's you.
I am truly enjoying my single life, why would I put marriage on my calendar? What exactly would I miss if I died before I reached 50 anyways?
I have been in long term relationships and I was able to see all the pitfalls of marriage without having to "try it", go through a divorce, all the BS involved to later realize "Oops I made a mistake".
I feel sorry for people who make this mistake and in the process, bring 3, 4 children into this world, I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever regarding the lifestyle I have chosen.
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