SO, I'm waiting until marriage to have sex... (family, spouse, divorced)
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I was just showing her how her non-judgement was a judgement. Hence the quotation marks.
I don't think she's crazy, but I do think she's naive. Everyone should wait for the right time to have sex but saying that that time must be on your wedding night, well, that doesn't give you any wiggle room. When you say there's no room for negotiations, you tend to break.
People take sex too seriously. It's significant, but having it or not should not be the most important thing in your life.
and it's apparent that it makes me VERY unique! I'm 18, a college freshman, and I don't want to share that part of myself with someone until marriage. And yet, I seemed to be "looked down" upon for that...it has definitely made a difference in the number of guys who want to ask me out, and I'm okay with that. But, it's just frustrating to know that I'm in the minority.
Vent over.
You need to do what is in your moral code. If that means not have sex til marriage, then so be it.
Anytime you go against the common position, you're gonna get a certain level of grief. That is just life.
I also want to add that it's not rare for people to be virgins until their late teens/early 20's. I think the media, and some unsubstantiated bragging, leads people to believe that. It's not hard to find sex, but if you aren't going out of your way to have it and aren't in a serious relationship it's not hard to avoid either.
But late teens/early 20's is when most people WANT to have sex, either to satisfy their own biological urges, because they are in a relationship, or just to get it over with.
I also want to add that it's not rare for people to be virgins until their late teens/early 20's. I think the media, and some unsubstantiated bragging, leads people to believe that. It's not hard to find sex, but if you aren't going out of your way to have it and aren't in a serious relationship it's not hard to avoid either.
But late teens/early 20's is when most people WANT to have sex, either to satisfy their own biological urges, because they are in a relationship, or just to get it over with.
I lost mine at age 15, I honestly thought I was a late bloomer.
Looking back, I realize that is actually sorta sad that I thought that way....
When you say there's no room for negotiations, you tend to break.
That's what I was trying to do with my post: help her be stronger in her convictions and avoid "breaking", but she wasn't interested in it. She thinks her feelings of superiority alone will be enough to avoid temptation. I hope it is, I guess *shrug*
I lost mine at age 15, I honestly thought I was a late bloomer.
Looking back, I realize that is actually sorta sad that I thought that way....
I'm not sure I had much of a sex drive at age 15. I didn't even have a bf until I was 16-17. I always figured dating meant going somewhere with a guy..IN HIS CAR..so it just worked out that way. LOL.
I think the media, and some unsubstantiated bragging, leads people to believe that.
I dunno.. My friends and I (20-28 age range) have talked about when we lost our virginity and it ranges from 11 to 18. There have also been threads here where people tell how old (or young) they were when they lost it and most people seemed to be around 16. So it's REALLY going out on a limb to say that people of all ages, relationship statuses, religions, etc etc who are different in hundreds of ways, ALL lie and say they were younger then they actually were when they lost their virginity because of "the media" or to brag. Lying about that to be "cool" probably isn't very common after high school or when you've been having sex for 5+ years. It just doesn't seem plausible to me.
So I don't agree that most people wait til their late teens or 20s.
I was 18 and waited til I was married, but I had my concrete reasons and they didn't have anything to do with religion, so I was free to really consider and question my values and feelings which made them even stronger. And I did other sexual things (with a person I was in a very long term relationship with that I ended up marrying) so I wasn't going totally insane from horniness (which can completely extinguish any possibility of good decision-making). So because of that, I was able to stick to my guns. If I was just thinking "bleh, people who have sex are so cheap and beneath me!" and/or "anything sexual is BAD because of JESUS!" My convictions wouldn't have lasted long.
That's excellent! It's your decision and don't let anyone make you feel like you're wrong. I lost my virginity when I was 30. I really wanted to wait until marriage, but still no husband and I don't see myself in any position to get married. I did meet a great guy and neither one of us was in a position to even think about marriage, but we wanted to be together and I was ready to have sex (after all that time!)
While I was waiting, a lot of ppl would say "You're not gonna know what you want! You're crazy!" But I was secure enough to know that I wasn't ready. When I was younger, some guys were cool with it, and others took a hike. As I got older and approached 30, the reality was that guys just didn't go for it. So when I met that great guy, I looked at my situation and decided that I wanted to "cave in." Whatever you want to do, make sure it's your decision.
Good luck and don't worry about what other people have to say about it!!
While I commend you for waiting I don't see your first marriage working out. I've known so many people who have waited to they are married & it ended because they were not compatible in the bedroom. Being compatible in the bedroom is important, it's not everything but you have to like the same thing or at least be willing to try new things that your partner might be intrested in.
There are more guys out that that will respect her than you realize. I hope SHE realizes that!
This is absolutely true. And the guys who will have that respect for her are the very ones looking for something serious and will take marriage seriously. However, they're not going to be too loud about it for fear of being looked down upon themselves, called gay, or finding themselves on the wrong side of some sort of nasty rhetoric. A couple of things she has to look out for, though, are sociopathic guys who want to take her virginity as some sort of game, like in the movie Cruel Intentions, or guys who are truly gay but in the closet and would use her as a close friend and to disguise themselves.
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