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Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
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I think some of the men may be going overboard and exaggerating the problem, and simply are at a loss to understand why they're being rejected. And the women also are making some mistakes about trying to figure out the men's situation, putting all the blame on them.
I'd like to re-state what I said earlier ...... there may not be any way to tell what the problem is. Some of it IS due to a changing female culture, one which is attractive to some men but not to others ..... but cultural values aren't shared by everyone. There are plenty of sweet, soft-spoken, feminine women left. And women have always found some men to be attractive but not others, regardless of culture. The men here have become angry at the rejection and coming up with exaggerations about how much the women want in terms of money (my impression is that if a woman doesn't find a man attractive during a date, she will ask about his income just in case she can't find someone who turns her on, keeping him in mind for later if he's loaded).
I hate to put it in this vague way, but it seems to be largely a matter of sheer luck. It's analogous to the way people on CD are always looking to change their luck by relocating to another city far away. A person may have trouble finding jobs and relationships in San Francisco, and blames all that on things like a gay conspiracy or the people being unreasonable and cold. There may be an small element of truth in what he thinks, but most of it is nonsense. For some unknown reason his "luck" just isn't working right in San Francisco, he's not a good match for the place. Moving to Boston, suddenly he gets an incredible job and starts meeting lots of amazing, friendly people. He wrongly attributes that to Boston being a better place with better people.
It's the same here. The men are trying to figure this out and are going way overboard on what they think the reasons are, in such a way that the women here are feeling insulted. But I think it's valid for them to try for better luck elsewhere, whether in this country or elsewhere. As I said earlier, they might find themselves to be very attractive to women of other nations should they spend some time there, and not entirely because of having a good steady income and providing security.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76
..... I don't have time right now to reply to the last 5 pages of posts that I have missed but I still see a number of people don't get it and I will definitely do some more replying when I can.
I posted a question that's really none of my business but I'm hoping you'll answer, because I'm intrigued by your situation. Do you think it would help to return to West Virginia, where I think women have more reasonable standards for their mates?
let me blow up another of your carefully held myths---that all women want Brad Pitt...been married to my wonderful Western-American wife for 5 yrs, together 8 total, and I can say without shame that I sure as HELL ain't Brad Pitt
I have no information nor do I want any on who you are married to , but I am speaking for all the single women at least - the 25-33ish aged crowd to be specific.
Based on your logic it would be most amusing that a attractive, well groomed, solid career sort of gal would have a hard time finding a suitable male. Yet we hear it all the time. So why would is it so amusing for it to be the same for some males? There are attractive, well groomed, solid paying career guys whom do have a hard time finding a suitable woman.
Because i have yet to come across that mythical creature men on this board talk about. Yet i have seen thread after thread after thread of men pissing and moaning about women.
This is an angry , misdirected jumbled mess of a post.
you launched into a tirade
Never did that don't confuse what everyone else is posting with me.
the idea that American/Western women are 'gold-digging, ball-breaking, materialistic, superficial princesses with a vast and undeserved entitlement complex'
Never said this , is this what YOU believe?
Its clear that women these days have been conditioned to expect something that is not at all realistic out of men.
getting your radar fixed so that you stop running into those types that reject you at every turn? Not going to apologize for what I'm attracted to. I won't date women simply for the sake of dating them if I'm not into their appearance.
let me blow up another of your carefully held myths---that all women want Brad Pitt...been married to my wonderful Western-American wife for 5 yrs, together 8 total, and I can say without shame that I sure as HELL ain't Brad Pitt
I have no information nor do I want any on who you are married to , but I am speaking for all the single women at least - the 25-33ish aged crowd to be specific.
getting your radar fixed so that you stop running into those types that reject you at every turn? Or doing a bit of self-examination after said rejections---i.e. trying to break down what you may have done or said wrong
I have said multiple times , its not me. I have been a perfect gentleman and have done and said all the right things on my dates. Its pretty much that George Clooney wasn't sitting across from them that was the problem.
And in conclusion, I have my stuff quite together , good job, apartment, car , keep a clean appearance, friendly, just take a look at most of America these days in comparison. A gal at work tells me all the time she wishes she were single so she could go out with me and can't believe I am still single!
You know i was going to reply to this mess when i realized something. You sir are BS artist and constantly alter your story. One day you've never had luck on a dating site. Then 2 days later you complain that the photos never match up. One day your dui is from a few months ago. Then the next day it is from 3 years ago. One day you are going on about how you love the single life, and don't want to change. Then the very same day you post about how you are ready to get married. I had a hard time taking you seriour to begin with, well now i can't take you serious at all.
You know i was going to reply to this mess when i realized something. You sir are BS artist and constantly alter your story. One day you've never had luck on a dating site. Then 2 days later you complain that the photos never match up. One day your dui is from a few months ago. Then the next day it is from 3 years ago. One day you are going on about how you love the single life, and don't want to change. Then the very same day you post about how you are ready to get married. I had a hard time taking you seriour to begin with, well now i can't take you serious at all.
Huh?? You are confusing me with somebody else or are just bat crazy in any case don't bother typing to me again lady!
]Then why didn't you ever ask any of your dates what they want?[/b]
<SNIP>
You know, this is a really good point that probably gets overlooked in the world of dating.
I work with requests for proposals for professional services (engineering, financial, etc.)
When we don't get a good response, we often call firms who requested the RFP documents but did not propose and ask them WHY they did not submit a proposal to get a feel for what to do differently next time.
I suggest those of you who are dating but the dates go nowhere do the same. It might be painful, but worth it.
First off i'm a dude; mid 20's and in NYC. If you want frustration with dating then come here. lol
On the other hand, the men with problems here need to take a look in the mirror.
Chances are you offer far less than you believe and have some major drawbacks that women are put off by. Instead of working on improving yourself you ***** and moan about how women in the states suck.
I've always had the sense that the vast majority of men who want to find mail order brides are just lazy and narcissistic. They want the easy way out and want something that they otherwise can't have. Where else can an unattractive, old, not wealthy, horrible personality guy get a 20 year old?
I'm sorry to say but a lot of you dudes are just psychologically ****ed up.
I already said what the issue is.... it's always the degree thing or they aren't happy with where I'm at career wise. So in essence it's a money issue. Most women around 30 that are never married and have no kids are career women with a degree and they don't consider someone like me good enough for them. Even though i'm attractive, have a good personality, have no kids, no financial debt, no baggage, etc. I admit though I mostly meet women from online dating sites and they are notoriously ultra-picky. It's hard to meet single women at my age. I could marry tomorrow if I was willing to settle. I already said there are lots of great women in America..that are already taken. I don't have time right now to reply to the last 5 pages of posts that I have missed but I still see a number of people don't get it and I will definitely do some more replying when I can.
I am a "career woman" as you say. Why should I settle for someone who does not hold themselves to the standards I hold myself to? I don't mean that cruelly - your priorities are different from a woman who has focused on her education and career. When I look for a partner, I look for someone who shares my values. A person who has not furthered their education (formally or informally) or focused on their career does not share my values.
Similarly, I don't try to date people who are lifting weights every day at the gym because that's not a standard I hold myself to and would be imbalanced and probably lead to a lot of frustration on my part.
You should be looking for a woman who shares your values.
I find it hard to imagine living in a society where being picky about your partner is NOT a virtue. Why should I spend my time and energy building a life with a person who does not match me in a logical way?
I went on a date last night with a guy who was attractive, worked as a lawyer at a major area firm, and had an apartment with no roommates in a very desirable area of town (and if you are dating in Boston, it's a huge financial indicator to live on your own at all since it is so expensive). He was 32 and single, which I thought was strange considering all of these fantastic qualities that he had. He spent a good portion of the date whining about how women generally don't respond to his messages on online dating sites and then making statements like, "I think women, at the heart of things, all like to be submissive in a relationship" and "Men can't *really* be bisexual - I can't imagine it so it can't be so!"
He emailed me this morning asking for a second date. I will say no with no reservations. He was attractive, wildly successful, smart, ambitious, articulate, and his misogyny shined through everything that he said. It's no surprise to me why he can't find a date because that one facet of his personality wipes out all the positives. It was always women's fault to him. He never looked at the common denominator - himself.
I've read sections of this thread, focusing on what the OP has to say for himself. There's no need to pick on this guy. When people present such an obviously sad case against having a normal relationship, then there's something going on. Let him satisfy his own curiosity and seek a foreign bride. We can all wait to hear what happens.
Huh?? You are confusing me with somebody else or are just bat crazy in any case don't bother typing to me again lady!
Really that's funny because i have read all your posts and that's what was in them. Perhaps you are confusing yourself with someone else .
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