Match.com - My experience as a guy (husband, ugly, anniversary)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree with you that in certain areas, that is the case. However, taken as a whole, there is a clear bias against Asian men in dating that has been proven in numerous studies. Take a look at the my post that cite's Rudder's study (moderator has kindly added a link to the original post). Here it is again, for you convenience:
From the post you linked:
This preference gap shrinks significantly in face to face interactions.
This preference gap shrinks significantly in face to face interactions.
That ^^ is what I'm talking about.
Right, I think we are actually in agreement here. There is no denying there is a large bias against Asian men in online dating. However, it's much less of a factor in person. Also, geography plays a big role in dating preferences.
Methinks you need to widen your scope and cast your net over a larger geographic area if you're going to keep trying online dating sites. Although, to be perfectly honest I'm old skool, and I believe that its easier and better to meet people the old fashioned way---spontaneously and face to face. Have you tried meeting women through Meetup or other no-pressure social group activities?
I've heard many black and Latino guys say similar things...that the anglo dudes get dibs. I don't believe it though. I'm more inclined to believe that intelligent women who are seriously looking for a man these days would look at the whole man and not just his race. But, maybe I'm wrong, and some people are hung up on stereotypes and refuse to let them go. When I lived in northern California I noticed that most of the Asian women there were married white men. And when I moved back to New York City I noticed that most of the women there, regardless of race, were only looking for white men. Interestingly, I didn't find this to be the case when I was in the South or when I moved back to the southeast Florida area.
Methinks you need to widen your scope and cast your net over a larger geographic area if you're going to keep trying online dating sites. Although, to be perfectly honest I'm old skool, and I believe that its easier and better to meet people the old fashioned way---spontaneously and face to face. Have you tried meeting women through Meetup or other no-pressure social group activities?
I've heard many black and Latino guys say similar things...that the anglo dudes get dibs. I don't believe it though. I'm more inclined to believe that intelligent women who are seriously looking for a man these days would look at the whole man and not just his race. But, maybe I'm wrong, and some people are hung up on stereotypes and refuse to let them go. When I lived in northern California I noticed that most of the Asian women there were married white men. And when I moved back to New York City I noticed that most of the women there, regardless of race, were only looking for white men. Interestingly, I didn't find this to be the case when I was in the South or when I moved back to the southeast Florida area.
Well most of my admirers are white guys which is great for me.
Some minorities men do not themselves any favors by looking like a thug or so ghetto.
I think at this point the thread has become so long and no one is actually reading through all of it. I asked the moderator to put a link on the first post to my conclusions, but I'm not sure if people actually read that. In summary:
Online dating is a poor choice for Asian men. Thus I no longer expend effort on it.
Focusing on meeting people in person is the way to go. I have no problems finding dates this way.
I think at this point the thread has become so long and no one is actually reading through all of it. I asked the moderator to put a link on the first post to my conclusions, but I'm not sure if people actually read that. In summary:
Online dating is a poor choice for Asian men. Thus I no longer expend effort on it.
Focusing on meeting people in person is the way to go. I have no problems finding dates this way.
That's what I was thinking, too. No point in spinning your wheels in a venue that only erodes your self-esteem or frustrates you.
Update us some day, when you find what you're looking for.
Hi folks, first time poster but I've viewed the forum from time to time as an unregistered user Can't sleep for some reason, so I thought I'd browse the net for a bit. Surely I will pay for it at the office tomorrow :P Anyways, I have some experience I want to share (vent??) and this seems like the right place to do it. I've recently moved to Austin, TX from Boston, MA. I've done the match.com thing while I was in Boston for a bit over a year, with not too great results. I was getting about 5-7% response rate, but after researching the topic a bit online in the last few days, I didn't know how good I had it! Fast forward to now. I've moved to a new city, and I'm eager to meet new people. However, in the few short months I've been here, all the women I've met outside of the work are either taken or married. It doesn't help that I work in an all male environment either. So I thought I'd give match.com another try. And so far, results have beena absolutely abysmal. It's been about a week, and I've sent out about 50 emails, and have received ZERO responses. Before we go any further, let me give you some background about myself:
- I'm a young professional male in my late 20s, working at a Fortune 500 company and have a great career.
- I'm well educated. I have a graduate degree from a prominent grad school.
- I'm 5'11, 170 lbs.
- I don't smoke, and have no kids.
- I'm in good shape and workout 3-4 times a week.
- I have a full head of hair.
- I make a decent income, and drive a nice car. Before you call me crass, note that I did not disclose my income on my profile, nor did I put up any pictures with my car in it This is because I (naively??) thought that materialistc things should not come into consideration when it comes to dating, at least initially. And I'd like to think the women on match.com aren't that shallow anyways. But a close female friend suggested that I include it as it shows financial stability. I'm not so sure (I haven't changed my profile), but that's the topic of another discussion. I did include what I do for work, so the enterprising lady can get a general ideal from glassdoor.com.
- I've been told I have a good sense of humor.
- I'm not terrible to look at. Female friends have called me "cute". And I've put up pictures on hotornot.com and scores mostly averaged in the 8's, occasionally dipping into low 9's.
- I had my profile vetted by two female friends, both of whom have used or is using match.com. Both approved and said it was really funny. Both are very attractive as well, if that makes any difference.
- I only email girls whom I meet all of their basic requirements (i.e. age, height, ethnicity, religion etc)
- When I write a girl an email, I write about something she has talked about in her profile. Each email is usually not super long, but customized for the her.
So I think I'm a great catch. Seems like I've ticked all of the usual boxes. But now the down side:
I'm Asian. I will date women of any ethnicity, as long as I find her appealing. But because of my ethnicity, I'm already excluded from 30-40% of the women on match before I even began. Many women list their ideal date as "Caucasian" only. This includes women of all ethnicity - White, Hispanic, Asian etc. And if I learned one thing, it's that women on match will not deviate from their ideal. Based on some anecdotal evidence, I suspect this even works against me for the remaining women, who mostly lists their ideal date's ethnicity as "No Preference".
True, I only email women that I find attractive physically and personality wise. But I will not lower my standards just because the women on match.com won't give me the time of the day. But this kind of trend certainly doesn't do well for one's ego. I did a bit of googling on the topic and apparently men in general are having a really tough time on match.com.
But I digress. My question is, what changed? Why the discrepancy in response rate from Boston to Austin? Could it be that Boston is a more liberal city such that my ethnicity is not as much of a factor? Anyways, I'd love to hear people's thoughts. And also feel free to share your match.com experience as well (primarily interested in hearing guys who have tried match, since I already know my aforementioned lady friends have trouble keeping up with the amount of interest they get on there) I saw mir86's thread, but I thought I'd make my own thread as to not hijack hers
Edited per OP's request (04/10/2015):
Please see conclusions reached at the post below before replying:
Even though Match and Christian Mingle are pay to message sites (which you'd think would motivate women to send more messages/meet more people to make things worth it) I've had much better response rates on OKCupid. It doesn't make sense, but I guess I do send more messages on OKC as well as there are a higher number of nearby women on the site.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
