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Take-home message: Online dating sites are nice for meeting new people, but there is no substitute for face-to-face communication. As one researcher put it, "use the online dating sight to get off-line." In other words, meet off-line as quickly as possible to see if there is that that intangible but necessary spark of chemistry.
It works for some! As I've mentioned in other threads, I know at least four very happily married couples who met via online dating. My nephew and his wife met that way, and they are perfect together.
I agree, Yzette, that it's important to meet face to face asap. People tend to build up unrealistic expectations when the only communication is via Internet and/or telephone. There's no substitution for the real thing.
Thanks for posting the links.
.
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It is amazing to me how these people will e mail a total stranger, and then, in some cases, fly across the country to meet this person. I would never do that in a million years.
Anyone who can stand to meet countless strangers, and have meaningless chitchat over coffee, in order to seek a mate...more power to them. I will just muddle along, not meeting anyone, or perhaps meeting someone by chance...no big deal. Online dating...forget it. I would rather have teeth pulled, without anesthetic.
Take-home message: Online dating sites are nice for meeting new people, but there is no substitute for face-to-face communication. As one researcher put it, "use the online dating sight to get off-line." In other words, meet off-line as quickly as possible to see if there is that that intangible but necessary spark of chemistry.
You needed a 64 page psychological report to tell you that. I could have told you that in less than one sentence. I've never done online dating because I prefer to meet people in person. I don' want to waste my time meeting somebody online thinking they look one way and then being disappointed when I see them in person. People can pretend to be anybody they want behind a computer screen. I rather meet somebody in person so I can size them up, see were their head is at, and vice versa. It seems the only thing that is a benefit of online dating is finding no strings attached sex partners. So the next time I'm going through a dry spell, I'll will be on line.
It is amazing to me how these people will e mail a total stranger, and then, in some cases, fly across the country to meet this person. I would never do that in a million years.
Anyone who can stand to meet countless strangers, and have meaningless chitchat over coffee, in order to seek a mate...more power to them. I will just muddle along, not meeting anyone, or perhaps meeting someone by chance...no big deal. Online dating...forget it. I would rather have teeth pulled, without anesthetic.
thats a really good point. why do they do it????
. i wondered too bek i knew others that took these insane plunges. getting a good man or woman is much much harder than 50 years ago.
the way it works is that they had already had a million local coffee dates getting no where years and years w/o even a date. so they think change fishing holes ok, how bout that person way out yonder why they seem perfect in every way---- so they just had to meet them.
the mexican people have an expresssion (dicho) for this
major mal conocido, que por el bueno a conocer.
it means better those who u do know that have flaws than being so excited about meeting a brand new person u dont know.
(rough translation)
for the person that is married with family and very in their comfort zone (like i was way back when in another life) the antics of the internet dater are clearly insane. brave new world planet of the apes or in this case eharmony monkeys.
There are a LOT of people out there who spend hours and hours scouring profiles, then writing back and forth for days, sometimes weeks, before meeting up in person. They get their hopes up, they invest their emotions and their time, and then when they meet the person...
Go local. It's just like going green, only way easier.
Quote:
I've been there myself. The guy sounded wonderful, but he was in France when we started communicating. A month later, he came home, the Grand Meeting took place, and although he was extremely intelligent, had a quick wit, and was easy on the eyes, oh...my...gawd was he negative. And his way of conversing was actually kind of whiny. None of that could have been conveyed via email, which gives people the advantage of planning out what to say very carefully so as to make the best impression.
Yeah there are things that can't be communicated online.
i once flew to nashville to meet a woman i had emailed and talked to on the phone for months. lots of cute pics. when i met her she was hump backed and had 1 eye. she had cropped the photos.
i didnt say a word-- wined and dined her and left the next day (its ok my uncle lives only 4 hours away so i spent the time with the family).
she never brought up her appearance and i didnt either. i noticed she did lots and lots of affirmations, she was a sales person. u will hear about it alot on CDF when i post these threads about eharmony liars. trust me when angry posters tell me to stop repeating this story, they know how to crop a photo.
Wow, Nashville from Socal? Long distance hook ups are not worth it.
I have found that woman online are experts at making a 175 lb body look like 125 lb, and I'm even ok with bigger woman, but don't show up being 50lbs heavier than your photos as it makes it hard to identify you at the restraunt.
One thing I can say about my pics are they are extremely accurate as I don't want to be accussed of false advertisement.
i once flew to nashville to meet a woman i had emailed and talked to on the phone for months. lots of cute pics. when i met her she was hump backed and had 1 eye. she had cropped the photos.
i didnt say a word-- wined and dined her and left the next day (its ok my uncle lives only 4 hours away so i spent the time with the family).
she never brought up her appearance and i didnt either. i noticed she did lots and lots of affirmations, she was a sales person. u will hear about it alot on CDF when i post these threads about eharmony liars. trust me when angry posters tell me to stop repeating this story, they know how to crop a photo.
Yikes!
See, that's too much pressure for both people and too much expectation for the situation.
Oddly enough, I met the wasband and my current SO online. The catch is that the ex and I met on a hockey forum, and the SO and I met through a bird group. There was never any expectation. In fact, I had given my ex advice on a girl he was interested in, and had no idea what he looked like until I set up a dinner meeting for the whole board. If I hadn't already decided to move to New York, I'd never have met the SO. We met when I was up here staying with my sister, scouting out areas to live. It was a "as long as you're in town, why don't we..." kind of thing.
BTW, the guy who was in France when we started writing? He's where I got the term "wasband." He also referred to his ex as "the ex-strife." Very witty guy. I hope he found what he was looking for. I sensed that when he did find the right person, they'd both be very happy.
It is amazing to me how these people will e mail a total stranger, and then, in some cases, fly across the country to meet this person. I would never do that in a million years.
Anyone who can stand to meet countless strangers, and have meaningless chitchat over coffee, in order to seek a mate...more power to them. I will just muddle along, not meeting anyone, or perhaps meeting someone by chance...no big deal. Online dating...forget it. I would rather have teeth pulled, without anesthetic.
I can't do it either. I don't have the strength and endurance for it but more power to those who do. It's just another way to meet people with it's unique ups and downs.
You needed a 64 page psychological report to tell you that. I could have told you that in less than one sentence. I've never done online dating because I prefer to meet people in person. I don' want to waste my time meeting somebody online thinking they look one way and then being disappointed when I see them in person. People can pretend to be anybody they want behind a computer screen. I rather meet somebody in person so I can size them up, see were their head is at, and vice versa. It seems the only thing that is a benefit of online dating is finding no strings attached sex partners. So the next time I'm going through a dry spell, I'll will be on line.
Actually, I needed experience to tell me that, Bricky.
In the 7 years I was off the market with the ex-hub (1998 to 2005), that was when all of the online stuff really took off. Dating had become vastly different. It was like navigating uncharted waters.
BTW, he met his current wife through Yahoo personals, back then. He and I cracked up when we showed up in each other's suggested matches. We actually hung out one night and showed each other who we thought was interesting. Hell, the photos on his profile were ones I had taken on our trips together. I scanned them in for him to use.
It is amazing to me how these people will e mail a total stranger, and then, in some cases, fly across the country to meet this person. I would never do that in a million years.
Never would I do that.
I use to only correspond with guys within an hour drive away and would meet them within 1-2 weeks of chatting.
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As I've mentioned in other threads, I know at least four very happily married couples who met via online dating. My nephew and his wife met that way, and they are perfect together. 
