Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Then this guy would be weeding himself out, because I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who was already predisposed to not trust me and think me capable of deceit.
Sounds good, that works for you. I've had this conversation with more than enough women to know there are plenty who are fine with it since it was disclosed upfront and is a general policy, not an accusation.
I'm sure you've read the same stories we do about men who had no reason to doubt their child was theirs and put a lot of love and emotions into them before finding out they were fooled. That has to be devastating!
I'm sure you've seen the same court decisions where men were required to support children that aren't theirs while the biological father gets a pass.
It's not a waste of money for those who choose to pay for it out of pocket. I'm not advocating for mandatory paternity tests. I want men to be upfront with women about their intentions early in the dating / friendship process, and then pay for it out of pocket.
It is a very sad commentary on the Jerry Springer-style of life some here either participate in or just buy into because they've watched too much tv that you would even ask this inane question.
If a man really distrusts his woman so much as to feel the need to ask for a paternity test he's either hooked up with the wrong woman WAY too early (and that's on him - should have kept it in his pants), OR, he has major trust issues that will always keep him from having a successful marriage.
In emotionally healthy mature relationships there is never a need for a paternity test.
I highly suggest you strive to be in one of those. Though of course you must do the work to be actually capable of being in one first.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,709 posts, read 41,870,976 times
Reputation: 41441
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Then this guy would be weeding himself out, because I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who was already predisposed to not trust me and think me capable of deceit.
Sorry I hate to burst your bubble but every human walking this earth is capable of deceit, now if you prove that you likely won't do it that is your business.
It is a very sad commentary on the Jerry Springer-style of life some here either participate in or just buy into because they've watched too much tv that you would even ask this inane question.
Why not debate the points on its' merits instead of using condescending language? This has nothing to do with Jerry Springer. Research and you'll find more than enough examples from reputable sources of those who were fooled and then required and jailed by courts to support children that aren't theirs. Many of these stories are from average men who were married to loving wives, not TV stereotypes. Why wouldn't a man want to protect himself from this possibility?
I guess it's understandable why you can't sympathize. You can't be in this situation unless a hospital switched your baby, which is less rare since hospitals take steps to avoid this. How ironic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
If a man really distrusts his woman so much as to feel the need to ask for a paternity test he's either hooked up with the wrong woman WAY too early (and that's on him - should have kept it in his pants), OR, he has major trust issues that will always keep him from having a successful marriage.
I have clearly explained this debate has nothing to do with specific women. How could it be if the choice was made long before the woman came along and he disclosed intentions early in the relationship?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
In emotionally healthy mature relationships there is never a need for a paternity test.
I actually agree with this. But, some of us like to be sure anyway, just like those who prefer a marriage license or a prenup.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
I highly suggest you strive to be in one of those. Though of course you must do the work to be actually capable of being in one first.
This debate is not about me, since there's no chance of me having any more children. This is an academic argument, so please don't attempt to personalize it.
If I'm in a relationship and the guy asks for an agreement to paternity tests, whether out of wedlock or not, imo, he is already in a mindset where he doesn't trust me. That relationship will be over. QUICKLY. I think the problem today is there are too many "baby mamas" and "baby daddys". If people acted responsibly, there wouldn't be a need to have a paternity test or agreement. I remember years ago I caught an episode of Maury Povich. One girl needed over 4 tests and at one point they just stopped. Any fellas wanna take a dip in that pool after seeing this chick on TV? Trust and responsiblilty. It's simple.
If a man really distrusts his woman so much as to feel the need to ask for a paternity test he's either hooked up with the wrong woman WAY too early (and that's on him - should have kept it in his pants), OR, he has major trust issues that will always keep him from having a successful marriage.
In emotionally healthy mature relationships there is never a need for a paternity test.
what if upon gaining the knowledge that he is the father, the bond for both the mother and the baby strengthens and fosters into a more healthy, mature relationship. It can happen, ya know.
///
Someone tell me why men should HAVE to take the woman's word on a matter as important as this. Women cannot be "stripped" of maternity. They know what they pushed out of their , and except in the case of baby mixups at the hospital, most people won't contest that.
Paternity is revokable at any time without the scientific proof that is available at a very low cost, WITH ABSOLUTELY NO INVOLVEMENT REQUIRED FROM MUM. For a test so quick, so easy, so painless, any women who is vehemently opposed to DNA testing should be held suspect. period.
I dont have anything to hide so I would agree to it. However, I would probably look at the person slightly different just for asking. My assumption would be that either he made poor decisions in the past regarding choosing a partner or he is just an extremely pessimistic person (which I would find very annoying). Another possibility is that he has witnessed a close friend or relative in a predicament involving false paternity and it has provoked him to be extra cautious. Which is understandable, I too have witnessed such a thing and the emotional (and financial) consequences are very real.
I guess we would need to have a frank discussion to get to the root of his concerns. "General Policy" is a rather vague explanation for someone that you are planning to create a life with.
Absolutely not. Unless you have cause to seriously doubt your Wife a Paternity test is a sign you do not trust her and I would personally find it incredibly insulting. You are in essence tarnishing a woman's reputation by trying to "prove" she has not strayed when there is no indication whatsover that she has.
If this is the kind of relationship we have then my Husband can just close the door on our marriage on his way out.
It would be like a woman following her husband, searching his belongings reading his emails etc... as a matter of course every time he goes out to ensure he is not cheating.
Love and relationships without trust are nothing IMO.
I would be beyond upset and would find it incredibly demeaning and churlish. Not the kind of man I would want anywhere near my children anyway, inculcating a sense of paranoia and suspicion into them. There is always going to be an element of " leap of faith" with ALL relationships.
I totally agree with you Moose. I could not have stated it better myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123
Another example is a successful man wanting a prenup before marriage even though he doesn't think she would ever leave him or take his money.
I wouldn't go for a prenup either, or seperate bank accounts or any of these other conveniences for the "just in case" moment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123
If I'm in a relationship and the guy asks for an agreement to paternity tests, whether out of wedlock or not, imo, he is already in a mindset where he doesn't trust me. That relationship will be over. QUICKLY.
I agree with you as well. It is setting the stage for a poor relationship. Even if you state it is your general policy; actions speak louder than words and these actions are basically saying "I don't trust you".
This "women only" poll is already skewed, because two of the posters who voted "Yes" are men.
Maybe they are confused about their gender?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
, and except in the case of baby mixups at the hospital, most people won't contest that.
What's really going on?
