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Wrong is wrong. Hedging gets one nothing. Anything else is lame excuses from people who don't want to accept responsibility for their own actions. It was HER fault my dick fell into that other woman. Wah. No.
Well you stick with your all or nothing mentality. As you get older you will see the shades of grey within humanity, the subtle nuances, the challenges couples face. Affairs have been happening since the dawn of mankind and they are not going to stop just because the moral majority stomps their self righteous little feet.
above the cries of "u have been unfaithful to me" lies a story.
of a truth, most of the guys i know whose marriages have gone south did not actually cheat at all. the few that did had stopped getting sex from the wife many years b4 they went out and did something about it. looking back the only time in my life i had plenty of sex was b4 and after marriage. what a scam.
btw speaking of infidelity, dr laura says 1 in 3 women practice financial infidelity on a regular basis. the guy does not find out til the divorce.
Fact of the matter is some people will cheat no matter how good or bad you treat them. It's just in their nature to always go looking for the greener grass no matter what.
If you practice complete, open & brutally honest communication from the beginning, it helps a lot. You also have to have a willing partner. It accounts for so much that right now me and my BF can talk to each other about issues we have, even if it's a problem about the other person. There's ways of saying things.
And for crying out loud, as far as sex is concerned, if you want things to be different in the bedroom then open your mouth and say it. No one is psychic. You never know, the person might be willing to work with you to improve things or experiment. You'll never know until you try.
I do, however think you can be pushed into cheating, or at least the temptation of it. I once dated a guy who constantly accused me of cheating because I wouldn't always return his calls instantly. It got to the point that I left him and found someone else.
It's a funny post! A lot of words that say nothing, except your anger. I guess you don't understand the concept of philosophy. But that's okay, keep up the humor. I can almost see you with blazing eyeballs and white knuckles as you angrily pound away at the keyboard.
Actually, your responses are just as ridiculous. You are basically comparing human relationships to apes? Since other animals are not monogamous, humans are not meant to be? Sure, thousands/millions of years ago that could be acceptable, but we all evolve. Now, in the 21st century, when someone "loves" a companion, one of the major ways they show it is by having a meaningful/sexual relationship with them alone. Unless your religion says otherwise, in which case, is no big deal as the women are also abiding by the rules of said religion. Or, you just are the swinger type, which some people are into but it's far from being a majority. Have you ever been cheated on in your lifetime? I assume not or that you are just a cold-hearted individual.
You think people get into monogamous relationships to "own" the other person because they are insecure? What sort of nonsense is that? If that's why they are in the relationship, it's not going to work anyway and they're stupid for even trying. So, say you and your wife, that you love with all your being, are getting along just great. You come home one day, just like any other day and your wife is banging some guy in your bed. You are perfectly fine with this? You would blame your own actions on your wife cheating? As far as you know, everything was going perfectly fine. But, of course, the problem is you, right? You are too boring. So that gives her the right to find someone exciting and have sex in your bed? Because you know, it's your fault you're boring.
If you're going to poke fun at people's responses on here, maybe you should take a little of your own advice and look at your own. Outside of the "insecure people get cheated on", "monogamous apes" and "LOL I'M MAKING U MAD" posts, you have contributed far less than most people in your own discussion.
Last edited by lovesthebass; 03-15-2012 at 09:36 PM..
Well you stick with your all or nothing mentality. As you get older you will see the shades of grey within humanity, the subtle nuances, the challenges couples face. Affairs have been happening since the dawn of mankind and they are not going to stop just because the moral majority stomps their self righteous little feet.
Yes cheating happens and will probably continue happening but blaming someone else for your actions, that's the problem. I have no problem for those who cheat and learn from their mistakes. Just because cheating and lying happens doesn't make it okay. Most people in this country are overweight and/or obese, do you find that acceptable? And if it isn't, who should be blamed, the fat people or everyone else?
Well you stick with your all or nothing mentality. As you get older you will see the shades of grey within humanity, the subtle nuances, the challenges couples face. Affairs have been happening since the dawn of mankind and they are not going to stop just because the moral majority stomps their self righteous little feet.
I don't think this thread has anything to do with stopping cheaters. As you said, it's going to happen.
The problem is that the OP sees no wrong in it and wants to put more blame on the person being cheated on rather than the person cheating, which is ludicrous.
Many complain about a cheating partner. And blame the other.
Maybe you're being cheated on is because you're a boring person, humorless, inactive, dull witted, controlling, demanding, or religious zealot.
Don't cast all blame on your partner. Try some self-examination. You just might discover a reason.
Wow..I have never heard it stated as thus..very callous and cold.
So if what you state is true? Do you not think that the “cheater” would have realized the incompatibility before getting in a serious relationship that could possibly lead to marriage?
The traits you stated are easily spotted and could be dealt with within weeks of meeting someone.There needs to be no discussion for ending the relationship in the early stages except to say, “You are not my type, I am sorry” And there you go, problem solved…
I.E. My sister has been with my brother in law for 17 years, she is constantly complaining about how he never helps her with the youngest child (3) and how cheap he is, never gives her money for no reason and so forth and how sometimes she wishes she could be with someone else.
I kindly remind her that he was this way with their oldest ( shared child) my nephew whom is 11 until he was about 7. I kindly reminded her that he has never been good with young children/babies and some how this was suitable and she had no issues then.
I kindly reminded her that he has always been frugal when it comes to money however he pays the MORTGAGE, HER CAR PAYMENT ON HER SUV THAT HE BOUGHT HER AS AN ENGAGEMENT gift 3 years ago. He pays for her car insurance, registration, cell phone bill and groceries. All she pays for is her credit cards and gas for her car and things for her and the kids, I also reminded her that he purchases expensive gifts for her birthday, valentines and Christmas..I remind her that he has been this way for 17 years and it has not bothered her before until recently.
I think it is comedy that once someone cheats the skeletons come out on all these HIDEOUS and INTOLERABLE attributes, traits that drove them to infidelity! LMAO! “Oh he/she is boring” “Oh he/she never wants sex anymore” He/she never wants to go out anywhere” However it was not an issue until they had a straying thought,eye and acted on it.
In reality there is NO excuse for cheating, it is a choice that an individual makes using excuses and hiding behind these excuses to make tem feel justified in the act.
If cheating is on the mind? Then there are really two choices, talk to your SO and try and resolve and save the marriage if this is not feasible? Then divorce, in reality? If one has cheated on their spouse they have already mentally divorced them, it is a crock to state, “I cheated because it was his fault but I still love him” who are we kidding?
Well you stick with your all or nothing mentality. As you get older you will see the shades of grey within humanity, the subtle nuances, the challenges couples face. Affairs have been happening since the dawn of mankind and they are not going to stop just because the moral majority stomps their self righteous little feet.
No, and hell no. I've lived through many shades of grey and I no longer like the color.
None of the opinions here against cheating are sufficient. The name calling and labels are not explained. Probably because those who write them don't do much thinking about it.
Low self-esteem abounds in just about every thread on the relationship forum. Many insecure people.
If the people can't explain their contra to cheating, they are probably afraid to examine their behavior - which gets back to the OP.
Anyone have any philosophical views? More elaborate than 'cheating in wrong'?
Perhaps it is NOT that NONE of the opinions against CHEATING are sufficient BUT rather the case may be that these REASONS do not satisfy your PERSONAL OPINION or PERCEPTION.
IMO I find your statements redundant, stated and regurgitated many times over by repeat offenders ( These being Cheaters). It is always alot simpler to have a stance and be insistent upon it being the TRUTH because you can relate to it and therefore see it as a truth however it does make it SO.
Cheating is immoral in the society we live in if it was not it would NOT be such an issue. While infidelity has existed since the dawn of man it has never really been "Okay" Man has engaged in this behavior in the past and it has been tolerated but this is not to say that women have been okay with this, this was something that occurred and women were told that this sometimes happens. However when women engaged in this? She was seen as a *****, someone to be chastised, cast out by society which reminds me of the scarlet letter. More recent times state that this behavior is wrong based on the vows that 2 people take. This is based on the words we tell each other in a committed relationship that we will foresake any other...It is based not on religion but more primal, it is based on TRUST, RESPECT AND LOVE. It is not expected that 2 people will agree or like everything about one another let alone still feel the lust they felt for their partner lets say 25 years ago but it is the TRUST AND RESPECT that keeps the loyalty intact.
If Trust and Respect are void in a relationship? Then why stay together? Really? Cheating is an action to an underlying issue that is a personal problem not a joint issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Visvaldis
Some people will not listen. Their self-esteem may be too low to accept faults.
This is true. The person may not be equpped to deal with reasoning or resolution due to personal issues and in this event why stay in a relationship? This is not a basis for cheating but rather an excuse. The stand from a cheater would be "I tried so many times to talk to them but they were uninterested, did not want therapy and so forth..with a solid good effort and boundaries in place? Why would you want to be in this type of relationship? Why cheat, add another innocent person into the equation and compound already complicated issues? hmmm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Except that it IS hard when your finances, children, social life, families, etc, are all comingled together to form a life. A life you might very well like.
Cheating is NEVER ok.
But let's be real about how hard it can be to end a relationship just to have sex with someone else.
People make sex out to be so freakin' meaningful and like it represents everything about your life. Oh, dump everything else in your life because of your unhappy sex...gimme a break.
Why? Because when you step out of your marriage you are also cheating on your children..
Family will be disappointed but they will get over it, it is all about the vows, bond, trust and mutual respect it has very little to do with SEX.It is about sharing your body and our emotions with a stranger that does not belong there. Let me ask a question...You mentioned children, would you have the same stance lets say if your baby girl came to you crying that her husband has been sleeping with a woman for a few months? This would break my heart if it happened to my son! The fact that my daughter in law was laid up under some stranger as my son was home with the kids! why get married? Anything else is a sham.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Visvaldis
Is monogamy a human instinct?
Yes as well some animals of the animal kingdom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
No.
Humans are by nature not monogamous animals. We are controlled by societal pressures and mores. In the primate world from whence we evolved the only monogamous ape is the gibbon and even they cheat on one another.
lol..another excuse..there are other animals that are less evolved that practice monogamy. Doves are monogamous, they mate for life and iftheir mate passes away? They never mate again...
No, and hell no. I've lived through many shades of grey and I no longer like the color.
I agree...
I laughed at DJuna's response as well.."Happening since the dawn of time"
"Stomping self righteous little feet"
"As one gets older they will realize there are shades of grey?"
Well as for shades of grey? My father is 66 my mother is 62..they have been married 41 YEARS! No cheating..no straying..Can they stand each other all of the time? lol..After 41 years they have small tifts however what has existed in their marriage has always been mutual respect and trust. I would love for DJUNA explain shades of grey to them..they would laugh her out the door.
Then you have my ex mother in law..whom is married again for the fourth time and so forth..cheating involved, met and married another man 10 years ago whilst the ink was still wet on the dissolution of marriage docs..to my ex husbands stepdad..lol.. oh brother.
And she is a religious zealot..lmao..
Happening since the break of dawn? As if the relevance of time makes this ok? Another big lol..
People have been killing other people since the break of dawn
People have been stealing since the break of dawn
People have been practicing incest since the dawn of man
All of these are immoral acts and 3 of them are punishable in court so because of the relevance of time make them okay?
My self righteous foot is actually a size 6.5 and I practice what I believe in.
My ex cheated on me however Ihad many opps to do the same and did I?
No. Why? Because I actually believed in trust, respect and love even though he quit playing by the rules. I am leading our son by example.
Because this is how I was raised.
Cheating would have brought a sense of revenge, justification, I would not have been in the wrong right? Because he cheated first ( Here is that grey area )
Wrong.
As my ex works on his now 3rd long term relationship in 6 years and is about to leave this one too? I am working on my 2ns long term no cheating involved in either where he has cheated on the last 3 women as he has done his whole life.
My son will see that cheating and being revolving door is unacceptable and hopefully learn from my example.
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It's a funny post! A lot of words that say nothing, except your anger. I guess you don't understand the concept of philosophy. But that's okay, keep up the humor. I can almost see you with blazing eyeballs and white knuckles as you angrily pound away at the keyboard. 
