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If a man truly loves his child, he'll always love the childs mother. And the reason is as simple as NO OTHER women would have been able to produce that child as they are today...
This is the myth that people believe and use as they excuse to get knocked up. Just stop. Procreation does not mean love. Charlie Manson's mother tried to sell him for a bottle of beer and had no idea who the father was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Throwing money at a kid and your baby momma does not = being a parent.
Neither does setting a bad example by acting like your life is dependent on some man to take care of you while you act like you are the queen of Sheba because you had sex that ended in pregnancy.
And you have just hit upon another reason why the OP hasn't explained the full story about the child - because it will make her boyfriend look like the loser he truly is. I am leaning towards this as the most likely reason.
What? This post has nothing to do with his son. His son comes over every weekend and he's VERY active father. READ THE ORIGINAL POST PLEASE.
Hm.
I have to side with Dr Laura on this one.
That he had a child with a woman.
And he should be #1 focused on this kid to the exclusion of any new shacking up scenarios.
That does not mean that he should marry the first women (baby momma).
But that he shows a lot of crust going on with his life while leaving someone else to clean up the crap of his previous life and family he discarded.
This guy is not worth respecting, let alone marrying.
Op, if you had a shred of decency, you would tell your fiance to put his child #1 in his life - even over you.
So you're basically saying a man should marry a woman because he got her pregnant. No, it doesn't work like that no matter how much you want it to. His child isn't #1 because he's not marrying his baby mama? Help me understand this please. Thanks in advance.
What? I am the OP, I posted this. I DO KNOW the circumstances from both him and her. Why are YOU speculating, trying to make it what it's not. Not every man who has a child out of wedlock is a dead beat and don't pay child support, that would be a deal breaker as well. I don't mean to make this personal to you but you're projecting right now.
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Others are speculating as well or have you just ignored the posts about her "just spreading her legs" what have you...? Guessing that is it. As others are speculating on the back story that is not told so are others as well. Guess we just seem to be thinking that the "baby momma - Tess" isn't as bad as others seem to be implying. Sorry, still siding with "Tess" I have no other reason, but since not hearing everything have to figure there is a reason.
lol@callous disregard.He should take care of his kid, and treat his kids mother with respect but there is no reason he had to tell her about getting married to someone he has been going out with for three years.Shes just pissed because like a lot of women she sees marriage as the end all be all, didnt get it with this guy and now she sees he wanted to get married just not to her. He could have told her first and her reaction would be exactly the same.
BINGO! If my post clearly states that this all started when SHE dropped off THIER son to OUR house, and WE (him & I) discussed the issue then why all the speculating otherwise? I don't get it.
They've been broken up for 4 years, she doesn't have a right to be upset. I WANT to be sympathetic but it's eluding me.
Any advice?
Just roll with the punches and move on. He does NOT owe her anything when it comes to telling her about your upcoming marriage (congrats BTW!). He only owes her respect when it comes to their child.
If he pays his support and spends quality time with his child, I don't see the problem here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
He should have told her. If I were the OP, I would be concerned that if/when their marriage ends, I too will be treated with such callous disregard.
I disagree. That's they beauty of break-up's; not having to answer or account to the other party about your personal life again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Hm.
I have to side with Dr Laura on this one.
That he had a child with a woman.
And he should be #1 focused on this kid to the exclusion of any new shacking up scenarios.
That does not mean that he should marry the first women (baby momma).
But that he shows a lot of crust going on with his life while leaving someone else to clean up the crap of his previous life and family he discarded.
This guy is not worth respecting, let alone marrying.
Op, if you had a shred of decency, you would tell your fiance to put his child #1 in his life - even over you.
Shacking up? FOUR years? IMO you are way off base. How do you know anything about any of these people?
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloWorldItsMe
I feel bad for her. She should have been told not have it "thrown in her face". (seeing the ring) Who knows what he could have been telling her, of maybe she still loves him. They do share a child. She should have been shown more respect because of that..and continue to be shown that respect..but sounds like she isn't. That is a shame.
How is wearing a ring "throwing it in her face"? Sending her an invite would be much more rude IMO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Throwing money at a kid and your baby momma does not = being a parent.
Who said that was the relationship? You did, not anyone else.
Bottom line, it's NOT the guys responsibility to tell his ex he is moving on and marrying his new future spouse. He, IMO, has no obligation to inform anyone but his family and friends, not any ex's unless of coure he wanted them to know.
Others are speculating as well or have you just ignored the posts about her "just spreading her legs" what have you...? Guessing that is it. As others are speculating on the back story that is not told so are others as well. Guess we just seem to be thinking that the "baby momma - Tess" isn't as bad as others seem to be implying. Sorry, still siding with "Tess" I have no other reason, but since not hearing everything have to figure there is a reason.
I could careless who you stand with, lol. I see that there's more baby mama's on the board than I thought. Take sides based on the circumstances, not based on your own personal situation.
What? I am the OP, I posted this. I DO KNOW the circumstances from both him and her. Why are YOU speculating, trying to make it what it's not. Not every man who has a child out of wedlock is a dead beat and don't pay child support, that would be a deal breaker as well. I don't mean to make this personal to you but you're projecting right now.
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I didn't realize you were the OP as I do not pay attention to handles, my apologies.
So will you now tell us about the nature of the relationship between your fiance, the child, and the mother? Did they have a relationship of was she just some skank he banged and knocked up? Did they have an actual relationship for six years, or did you mean that this child born out of wedlock is six years old?
So you're basically saying a man should marry a woman because he got her pregnant. No, it doesn't work like that no matter how much you want it to. His child isn't #1 because he's not marrying his baby mama? Help me understand this please. Thanks in advance.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomlySpecific
I could careless who you stand with, lol. I see that there's more baby mama's on the board than I thought. Take sides based on the circumstances, not based on your own personal situation.
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I don't have children and never will - I am 42 so I think it is a safe bet to say this. I most certainly am not a "baby mama." Just because a person doesn't agree with you doesn't make them a stereotype, especially not the very stereotype you happen to hate.
You obviously have hatred toward her and other women like her, which is why you went there as an insult. I guess I can see why you haven't corrected the "she's just a random skank trying to get him" theory.
It's a very ugly thing to judge people like this. And I am sure you are not a very nice person to your fiance's family. They don't sound very nice either, so I guess you deserve each other.
Last edited by OngletNYC; 04-28-2012 at 07:16 PM..
Reason: Clarity
Op, if you had a shred of decency, you would tell your fiance to put his child #1 in his life - even over you.
The relationship between husband and wife should be put before anything and everybody. Those who feel otherwise should not be married.
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