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The Momma has used the kid to keep the door open hoping to get back in the life of Daddy. OP just closed that door and Momma just lost her chances.
Much like when a divorced spouse remarries, reality kicks in that it's no longer you in their life. That can be hard for someone to accept.
exactly- its funny everyone is bashing the guy for not telling her first, but that's not why shes upset
she would still feel like **** if he told her before he even proposed
exactly- its funny everyone is bashing the guy for not telling her first, but that's not why shes upset
she would still feel like **** if he told her before he even proposed
That's true.
But we don't know what line he's been feeding her.
Or if she's pissed because more of his attention will be diverted from the child.
We don't know any of her motives or reasoning.
If she were just a random lay who got knocked up, why would she have had a lengthy convo with his Grandma? Do you really think granny would try to guilt trip her if baby momma was some type of skank? Why would they even have each others phone njmbers? They knew each other quite well at the time of the call. They dont just know each other.from meeting once a year at family gatherings. Baby Mama was talking to an ally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall
^^ I agree with this. The fact that she spread her legs and had a kid means that he needs to be cordial to his child's mother, and a good father to that child. It doesnt mean he needs to share every aspect of his life with the baby mama just cause he has a kid by her. I mean, they have been broken up for FOUR years. Four- years- broken- up. To me all he owes her is being a good father to that child, and keeping things as drama free as possible. Sorry, my opinion may be in the minority, but it's how I feel.
Perhaps he did not tell her because he felt she might do just what she did..have a fit and lay a guilt trip. And perhaps he did not want to sit there alone with her and deal with that crap. We dont know the dynamics of their relationship, or breakup. So, with four years already gone by being broken up, i'll give the guy a pass. This woman needs to move on and get over it. She wasnt the one for him.
Sorry, but since don't know everything..and there are two sides to every story...I will have to side with the Baby Momma - "Tess". Since I am sure there is more to this. I feel bad for her. She should have been told not have it "thrown in her face". (seeing the ring) Who knows what he could have been telling her, of maybe she still loves him. They do share a child. She should have been shown more respect because of that..and continue to be shown that respect..but sounds like she isn't. That is a shame.
Why do you feel bad for her? Why is it a 'shame'? Geez you guys are acting like this guy is pure dirt simply because he didnt tell his ex of four yrs himself that he is getting married. A bit harsh. She is an ex girlfriend..dont let the baby put her in wife status..she is NOT. She deserves a man who takes care of his child. He moved on from HER a long time ago. It is not his fault if she still has feelings. Should he go around and tell ALL of his ex girlfriends that he is getting married?
I think that the fact that he had a kid with her makes some feel that he needs to treat 'her' in some special way in regards to his personal life. NO!
He needs to be good to that child. But he doesnt need to treat her as if he is still dating her.
I wonder if she has her own man? And if so..is she happy? I suspect if she had a man, and (key point---->) was HAPPY with her life with him, she could care less when she found out about her ex getting married.
But..because she still has feelings, she is getting all this sympathy that she would probably not get if she didnt have a kid with him. His obligation is to his child. Not to make sure her every little feeling is spared, and every whim and desire and need/want is fulfilled. Let her get her own man for that.
not at all
we know nothing about him other than he takes care of his child
sounds good so far
Yeah, he's still actively involved (we assume) and Stan4 nailed it the kid comes 1st. At least he's not doing 10-15 for armed robbery or having baby #4 with Momma #3
Sounds like he's trying to be Babies Daddy.
Man, we sure have lowered our standards for acceptable behavior.
He takes care of his child by leaving the child and then starting new families?
Right.
This line of b.s. would never fly if it were a woman who left her child and went and started a new family.
By the way, how is it you know all about the childish ex but now you say we can't possibly know about the fiance?
For all we know she could of skipped her BC on purpose too so...
But the op said she didn't plan on having kids. Its not quite as intense of a slap if the person is just getting married and doesn't plan on having more kids. If the mother wanted more kids it would be a pretty clear cut reason why he didn't marry her.
While I agree with you that this could just be the beginning of the drama (and one reason why she should have a LONG engagement), child support doesn't work like that.
No court is going to go after a new spouses income. They only assess the non-custodial parent based on what they alone earn (or should earn if they worked full time).
Not normally...but I do know someone that happened to. The ex-wife had a good lawyer, I guess.
I worked with both the husband and the new wife. His ex-wife took him back to court for a child-support revision, claiming (rightly) that her children's support should be increased because her ex was making better money now. However, in calculating the new amount, they also took into account his new wife's income. Not exactly making HER pay for support, but taking that off of what the ex-husband's costs for housing, etc., were, and so making it possible for the judge to award a larger share of his income to child support.
I learned this story because of what happened subsequently. The new wife wanted to have children and her husband said "no way--the cost of my two present children are killing me and I'm not exposing myself to such a situation ever again." They got divorced, she met someone else, got pregnant at the age of 39 and left her job. The newly-ex husband married another woman from work who did not have and did not want children. He's dead now.
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Four- years- broken- up. To me all he owes her is being a good father to that child, and keeping things as drama free as possible. Sorry, my opinion may be in the minority, but it's how I feel.
