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Wish after all this time I could give some advice on what turns me off when dating- the fact is - I never dated..Just met- made love and moved in...Okay I did take my wife to dinner on some boat in the harbor - once- and prior to that I took the prior wife out to dinner for her birthday.......but that was it- Imagine- Three live in woman- one wife- 72 affairs...and only two dates- I guess I was just plain cheap....
1. Its not some sort of "blind date" so shes already met "physical" requirements
2. Its hasnt become a long term thing
So
1. Smoking- cant stand it, wouldnt tolerate it
2. Negative Comments about my appearence or manneurisms, or outright opposition to these things.
3. Negative Comments about my car or living space, or what is contained within, or opposition to such things
4. Body odor
5. Preoccupation with money, material possessions or my job
6. Preoccupation with her job
7. Wearing of expensive or designer clothing, shoes or jewelry
8. Talking down to waitstaff, store clerks, ticket takers, etc.
9. Bodily gas emissions
10. Opposition to staying at home much of the time, or planning things way in advance
11. Opposition to a grown man enjoying video games and cartoons, or possessing/displaying toys
12. If she has no interest in my interests, be able to entertain herself occassionally.
That's unfair for the girl, we don't chose our family!
People don't choose what they look like, how tall/short, ugly/pretty, eye color, skin color, intelligence, abilities, and personality to a large extent. Is it unfair to not want to date someone based on those criteria as well?
People don't choose what they look like, how tall/short, ugly/pretty, eye color, skin color, intelligence, abilities, and personality to a large extent. Is it unfair to not want to date someone based on those criteria as well?
Two different scenarios that don't need to be compared....if you don't want someone tall/short, ugly/pretty, etc. that's because you can LOOK at that person and tell right away it's something you don't want... He has no idea to what extent her not having a father or 'father figure' has affected her. He is only assuming it's impacted her so negatively that she couldn't possibly qualify to be with him. Ultimately, he can choose to date those women or not, but you know what I'm saying.
Is it unfair to not want to date someone based on those criteria as well?
I think that in some sense it is unfair yes but many other things that people do to each other are unfair.
But then again, who says that life is supposed to be fair anyway? Life does not entitle anyone to fairness and my experience tells me that life and the struggle to survive in this hostile world can be quite unfair.
I think that in some sense it is unfair yes but many other things that people do to each other are unfair.
But then again, who says that life is supposed to be fair anyway? Life does not entitle anyone to fairness and my experience tells me that life and the struggle to survive in this hostile world can be quite unfair.
Exactly. Some people are dealt a bad hand, part of what makes that hand bad is the consequences it causes, like having traits that the other sex finds undesirable. Not having a good dad sucks, that is unlucky, and even more so it can impact you further down the line in life and relationships. Just a bad deal all around. But if someone doesn't want to date a person with a lot of issues then that is their decision, and makes plenty of sense.
Doll eyes, that is a good point, but a lot of people make judgements that way. A guy doesn't have a good relationship with his mother? No good. Is divorced? No good. No friends? out. People judge immediately based on any information gleaned, whether it is from their appearance or something they learn about the person. Every new thing you learn changes your opinion, from where they grew up, what their job is, what they do for fun, etc. All helps make your opinion of the person, even if the things you learn haven't affected the person the way you think it would. You just go off what your opinion of these things are, even if they are not true in this case. If the guy has had bad experiences with girls who didn't have dads who seemed to have daddy issues, then what is wrong with him making that sort of rule for himself to avoid future headache and heartache?
Hardly fair to the poor girl who was dealt a bad hand by the Universe and ended up with a lousy father.
You're right, it's not fair, but it's not my fault. I don't blame the poor girls who missed out on a father figure. But the psychological trauma that seems to go with that is not something I am equiped to deal with. I'm sure there are men out there who can handle it, but it has been my painful experience that I can't. So there it is. I'm not going to be with someone just out of sympathy.
If you're a girl and had a bad experience with a guy (or two) who had mommy issues, it would be on the top of your list of red flags, too.
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