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I personally know (knew) 2 very nice guys that have given up on women entirely. Well, I should say one since one died of brain cancer several years ago. I'm pretty sure he went without a date the last 15 years of his life. I'm almost positive the other friend has not had a date in about 30 years.
I'm on a bad streak right now myself but I'm nowhere near that.
lol neither am I, and I still have some prime left in me, but with the way women work in this part of the world, packing up is probably the only option I have.
There's a big difference between a guy who will approach at the line at 7-11 and someone who is truly shy and timid.
I mean, I'm talking about guys who won't initiate conversation unless talked to first.
The guys who DO come right up to a total stranger with no obvious signs or visible welcomes and start running the game can be a bit too much. That reminds me of the brothers who wait outside the food court entrance doors at the mall and TRY with every woman that goes to walk in. Don't you think you should at least looks for rings first guys? Sheesh, that's a bit much and it even comes across as so even to other men. You're like a horse fly that won't leave people alone. On the other hand, the truely shy and timid can't even make conversation with other men. Why in the world would you think they could with a woman they found attractive. I've met plenty of men like that. They have the personality of a sloth and are drier than a popcorn fart. Some of these men have girlfriends and are married. How and why is beyond me. He must make a lot of money or offer a lot of financial security is all I have to say. Said guy probably sits through Chris Farley movies straight faced. Kinda like the nerdy quiet 20-22 year old that seems out of place with men twice his age. Those older men see it too. He's boring and not funny, or fun to be around, or even talk to.
lol neither am I, and I still have some prime left in me, but with the way women work in this part of the world, packing up is probably the only option I have.
You have to learn to be your own best friend because the loneliness and the want to be a part of someone will otherwise kill you.
lol neither am I, and I still have some prime left in me, but with the way women work in this part of the world, packing up is probably the only option I have.
I don't know what you're talking about. How do "women work" in this part of the world? What part of the world? You have options. You just posted earlier that you're not much of a talker. Well right there, you're throwing away an option. If you're not a talker, how did you rack up enough rejections to cause you to "throw in your cards"? What kind of approaches were involved in those incidents? I'm getting the impression from these threads that men give up and lose hope a lot more easily than women do. And it's not because men supposedly do all the approaching. Women do a lot of that, too. Some women, anyway.
I don't know what you're talking about. How do "women work" in this part of the world? What part of the world? You have options. You just posted earlier that you're not much of a talker. Well right there, you're throwing away an option. If you're not a talker, how did you rack up enough rejections to cause you to "throw in your cards"? What kind of approaches were involved in those incidents? I'm getting the impression from these threads that men give up and lose hope a lot more easily than women do. And it's not because men supposedly do all the approaching. Women do a lot of that, too. Some women, anyway.
I go out quite often by myself to see live music, almost always sitting or standing alone. Very rarely do I get approached.
I don't know what you're talking about. How do "women work" in this part of the world? What part of the world? You have options. You just posted earlier that you're not much of a talker. Well right there, you're throwing away an option. If you're not a talker, how did you rack up enough rejections to cause you to "throw in your cards"? What kind of approaches were involved in those incidents? I'm getting the impression from these threads that men give up and lose hope a lot more easily than women do. And it's not because men supposedly do all the approaching. Women do a lot of that, too. Some women, anyway.
The area I live in. The world I live in. Not the entire world, not a continent, not a state, but the area I live in.
and no, I don't believe women do a lot of approaching. I think they might drop hints to let some men know they find him attractive to try and get him to approach her. Other than that, they pretty much stay with the group of friends they came with.
A lot of my rejections happened in bars. Not that I'm a heavy drinker and I frequent bars often, but there's a bar on almost every corner here, and it's the only way of socializing other than going to a party or if there's a fair or something. I could try to go to a club, which would force me to drive at least an hour to find one. The drive isn't terrible, but the drive back with a migraine and having to listen to really loud bad music is a deterrent.
I could go gambling at one of the 3 locations that are reasonably close by, and each has like 3 bars. I have great luck when it comes to poker and black jack though, and gambling is a really bad habit, or just sitting at a slot machine for hours..
I've never been a talker, ever. I wanted to find someone, so I would force myself to frequent different bars and approach some women. I wouldn't flat out hit on them, but rather introduce myself, offer to buy them a drink and talk. Sometimes that worked, most of the time it was "I'm not looking for the nice guy type. I want a bad boy" or "I find it creepy that men just walk up to me and try to hit on me" all kinds of other lines I heard too. Not just at bars either. Sometimes at grocery stores, once at the shoe store, I'm not even trying to hit on these women either, I'm just there doing my business and I might say something out loud that makes a woman laugh, then conversation happens. Sometimes they tell me they have a bf. Never was slapped though. Thankfully.
And no, I've never actually just approached a woman and just hit on her. I never have done that purposely. I did it to make a laugh though, which worked.
So after countless rejections, I guess we'll just say a million because that's what it felt like, I just stopped. I've never really complained about it, I gathered that my ship for finding someone has more than likely sailed, and I just moved on. I'm not depressed, well I don't feel like I've ever been depressed about it. I just accepted it as a way of life.
I'm curious, can a guy who is timid and shy around women get a date?
There's a vast difference between "timid" and "shy." Shy men can be extremely desirable to women and many do very well with the ladies. Shy men are invariably gentleman and well-behaved, always two traits esteemed by women.
But a timid man is another matter entirely. I see timid as a guy too scared to even kill a spider. Too scared to try and fail or take risks. And people who don't take risks in life are generally incredibly boring to date or be around.
So "shy" is fine, even an asset on occasion. "Timid" is pretty bad.
And I suggest if you're shy to approach other shy women. There's tons of them out there. Shy couples are very prevelent and oftentimes successful.
Timid and shy guys may stand a small chance to attract a woman and keep her interest, but the overwhelming majority of women do not prefer men who are like that. Confidence and assertiveness are desirable traits. Timid and shy both indicate insecurity and fear (especially in the case of timid).
Shy/timid people need to take action to overcome their debilitating social handicap. It's that simple. Meekness is a damaging characteristic to have not only in terms of attracting most women, but also for life opportunities in general - personal and professional. Shy folks often come across as one or more of weak, aloof, awkward and boring. They are also more vulnerable to being used and taken advantage of by others. Get to a point where you can stand up for yourself and your beliefs, and come across as assertive and empathetic without becoming too aggressive. A nice medium is good.
To defeat a fear, you usually have to get out of your comfort zone and face it head-on, repeatedly. Shyness is no exception. There are many things a person can do to gradually overcome their issue, especially if he lives in or near an urban area. Some of these are directly targeted towards improving social skills and willingness to socialize, while others are gatherings of people that present ample opportunities to socialize with women and people in general.
Toastmasters
Improv
Relevant continuing education night classes at a community college
Common-interest activity meetups and clubs (sports, hiking, etc.) - ensure the activity is popular among women, too...some of these are strictly co-ed. These are good b/c you'll see the women multiple times, allowing you to progress at a slower pace. Also, the noise level is usually much quieter than a bar.
General social meetups (happy hour, bar, dinner, etc.) - good for lighthearted small-talk - but bars aren't good to meet relationship-minded women. Still a good place to learn how to mingle.
Maybe cognitive-behavioral therapy?
Cooking classes, yoga classes, dance classes
This isn't something that can be overcome overnight. It'll probably take anywhere from a few months to a few years. Also, don't wait too long - the longer you wait, the harder shyness will be to overcome. Most people become dead-set in their ways around the age of 40, so by then it may be too late. One's core personality is pretty much set between the ages of 5 and 8, but I don't think that applies to shyness or timidness. Many people were shy while they were young, and got over that in their teens and twenties.
and no, I don't believe women do a lot of approaching. I think they might drop hints to let some men know they find him attractive to try and get him to approach her. Other than that, they pretty much stay with the group of friends they came with.
A lot of my rejections happened in bars. Not that I'm a heavy drinker and I frequent bars often, but there's a bar on almost every corner here, and it's the only way of socializing other than going to a party or if there's a fair or something. I could try to go to a club, which would force me to drive at least an hour to find one. The drive isn't terrible, but the drive back with a migraine and having to listen to really loud bad music is a deterrent.
I could go gambling at one of the 3 locations that are reasonably close by, and each has like 3 bars. I have great luck when it comes to poker and black jack though, and gambling is a really bad habit, or just sitting at a slot machine for hours..
I've never been a talker, ever. I wanted to find someone, so I would force myself to frequent different bars and approach some women. I wouldn't flat out hit on them, but rather introduce myself, offer to buy them a drink and talk. Sometimes that worked, most of the time it was "I'm not looking for the nice guy type. I want a bad boy" or "I find it creepy that men just walk up to me and try to hit on me" all kinds of other lines I heard too. Not just at bars either. Sometimes at grocery stores, once at the shoe store, I'm not even trying to hit on these women either, I'm just there doing my business and I might say something out loud that makes a woman laugh, then conversation happens. Sometimes they tell me they have a bf. Never was slapped though. Thankfully.
And no, I've never actually just approached a woman and just hit on her. I never have done that purposely. I did it to make a laugh though, which worked.
So after countless rejections, I guess we'll just say a million because that's what it felt like, I just stopped. I've never really complained about it, I gathered that my ship for finding someone has more than likely sailed, and I just moved on. I'm not depressed, well I don't feel like I've ever been depressed about it. I just accepted it as a way of life.
Thx for the response, Froggie. Bars on every corner? Gambling?? Where do you live, Atlantic City? Vegas? It sounds like you live in a challenging environment for socializing. The majority opinion on this forum seems to be that bars aren't places where you can expect to meet people interested in a serious relationship (I guess you're one exception ). People also say many women go to bars or clubs just to hang out with their friends (I wouldn't know, I don't go to bars or clubs). In a locale like yours, it seems like stores, bookstores or lectures, special events like fairs or concerts, that kind of thing would be best. I guess your workplace doesn't lend itself to meeting people?
The make-em-laugh approach is a really good one. You seem to have some talent for that. Maybe your discouragement should be with the venues (bars, clubs) rather than with women overall. So they have a bf, that's not a rejection, then, is it? It sounds like the "looking for love in the wrong places" cliche may apply here to some degree. Ditch the bar/club scene (though it does work in rare cases). What do you do on vacations? You can meet women on your vacations, when you're away from this odd environment you live in. A friend of mine met the guy she eventually married (2nd marriage) when she was on vacation in Hawaii. By minor miracle, they were both from northern CA.
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). People also say many women go to bars or clubs just to hang out with their friends (I wouldn't know, I don't go to bars or clubs). In a locale like yours, it seems like stores, bookstores or lectures, special events like fairs or concerts, that kind of thing would be best. I guess your workplace doesn't lend itself to meeting people?
