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I don't know. Really only he knows. You say that the other girls that he shows an interest in are not of the same body type as you are. But people often have a wide range in taste in terms of what kind of woman they are attracted to. When I was single, I dated women who were Latina, Filipina, Black, White, American Indian, Indian, etc... These girls ranged from overweight to extremely fit. And I was not a player in the least bit. If I was seeing more than one at a time it was because things were casual for all involved. Those girls I actually was involved in a relationship with, I was always faithful to them.
Anyway, back to your friend. It may be that he enjoys your body type and wants to experience it. I can honestly say that is why I pursued some of the women that I did. Something different than what I had experienced in the past.
You say that he is a friend. Have you considered asking him directly?
I haven't talked to him about it see we had the talk about why it's better if we're just friends. But it was an honest and blunt conversation so he knows exactly what kind of girl I am. He confuses me and I think there really is no answer to my question I guess.
Some of the responses about guys aren't always attracted to model tall and thin did make me feel a little better about myself though, so thank you to all of those people
You run the risk of ending up with a disgruntled, wrinkled, resentful old **** just because he wooed you.
May I enquire as to the state of your ass? And if your partner is stupid?
yah...my ass is not what it used to be...and I am disgruntled...and what is left of the old woman can only be called stupid..you got all of that right. Funny though- don't know where you got the impression that I lived a life of virtue- I had no virtue when it came to woman and sex...and I did woo her with a piano and guitar and a ballad that melted hearts...and where did it get me in the end? Sitting in this apartment alone with two dogs...a great roof top garden..and this lap top...oh- and the stupid wife living within walking distance--------------not to mention the widow across the way...who I will never sleep with again- she was twice as stupid as the other stupid.....
Be careful of woman who use oral as the first contact..It melts the brain of a man..turns him into putty...it's the quick route to "catching" a man. I sometimes wonder if old and wise grandmothers secretly teach their grand daughters the tricks of the trade when it comes to capturing a partner?
R.O.F.L.
I guess what disturbs me about this whole thing is that SHE is supposed to trap HIM like he's some sort of prize goods.
Well, as one who catches this sort of fish quite often, I can assure you that they USUALLY get thrown back in...as rejects.
Why oh why do men still think of themselves as a "prize"? Because of dumb arse women telling them they are.
Sorry OP I don't mean to offend but look at it....we can all tell his interest in you is mostly sexual...so you go getting all excited about it and wondering how to transform his interest into a "relationship"!!!! Why would you want that with this particular guy? He sounds like a great friend but a horrible boyfriend...but you are still trying to figure out how to make him be what you want him to be!
How, why do we (women) let this happen? Do we value ourselves so little that ANY guy is better than none? We can "change" him?
Sadly, it seems to be true. We all know women who live with abusers, drunks, cheaters, bludgers...all because they don't want to be alone.
We all know women who were virtuous right up until the wedding night too...and it did them absolutely no good in the long run, what so ever.
In fact, if you placed a **** next to a nun, you wouldn't be able to tell which is which, if they didn't have their work gear on. Sexual repression or expression changes nothing at all about you, in the eyes of the world, unless of course you tell them. You are still you, still valuable and upstanding and a good person, whether you've had sex with 60 people or none.
yah...my ass is not what it used to be...and I am disgruntled...and what is left of the old woman can only be called stupid..you got all of that right. Funny though- don't know where you got the impression that I lived a life of virtue- I had no virtue when it came to woman and sex...and I did woo her with a piano and guitar and a ballad that melted hearts...and where did it get me in the end? Sitting in this apartment alone with two dogs...a great roof top garden..and this lap top...oh- and the stupid wife living within walking distance--------------not to mention the widow across the way...who I will never sleep with again- she was twice as stupid as the other stupid.....
I had a lot of fun- just wished I had more class.
Lmao...at least your soh is intact even if your virtue is but a faded memory...!
It seems so old fashioned - a hark back to the days when women were supposed to "catch" a man and use all sorts of ruses to do so...marriage was the ultimate goal. Why can't a woman just have sex with a guy and enjoy it, without all the dates, talks about the future, the guessing games, and the jumping through hoops?
Because like the OP said, feelings get involved. Sex for many people, whether they realize it or not, is a powerful emotional bonding agent. One person in the couple will get hurt. Sometimes it's the guy, sometimes the woman. Even though some guys seem like they're only after one thing, some have expectations when a woman allows sex. Not all guys, but some. They can be just like women that way, believe it or not. Sometimes it's about a subconscious sense of ownership, like now that she's given me this most intimate part of herself, she's mine, and no other guy can have her. If/when they find out it was just casual sex on the woman's part, they freak. Sometimes it's an emotional bond that forms, especially if it's not just a ONS, but several hook-ups. And of course, we know that women tend to get emotionally attached after sex. It's a human thing to a certain extent.
The OP knows this about herself, so she's decided not to be casual about sex. There's nothing wrong with that, she's doing the right thing for her. She's not preaching to everyone saying this is how women should be, she's saying she knows herself well enough that this is what she needs to do to avoid emotional pain and drama to the extent possible. She's not doing this to play games or to manipulate the guy, she's doing this to be true to herself.
Another reason women postpone sex is that they have to get to know the guy well enough to know he'll be considerate of her needs, and not just use her as...lol! I love this expression someone came up with on another thread--his personal spittoon, and call it quits as soon as he's done. A lot of women aren't into the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" scenario.
So, MissAnn, if you've had your share of fun without ever being used when having sex on the first date, you're really lucky.
The why is what I haven't really gotten an answer to yet. I was honest with him from the beginning about my expectations. I'm fine with him not being into me and chasing other women he just met on nights out. But why is he trying to get with me, as one of his friends, as well as other girls he just met. I know he's not looking for a relationship, which sucks cuz he's a great guy in every other way.
He's still trying to get with you because you turned him down! He's probably not used to that, so you've given him a challenge. You're the one he couldn't get, the one that didn't give in, so now it's like a challenging game to him, he has to "conquer" the one that got away, the hard-to-get one. Of course it's stupid, but he's not thinking with his brain. As someone pointed out, the fact that he's flirting with other women (and probably hooking up with other women) shows he's not trying to impress you, he's just trying to win this special challenge to prove to himself he's really got what it takes, or whatever. Really not worth your time, nor, probably, your friendship, if you don't mind me saying so.
Because like the OP said, feelings get involved. Sex for many people, whether they realize it or not, is a powerful emotional bonding agent. One person in the couple will get hurt. Sometimes it's the guy, sometimes the woman. Even though some guys seem like they're only after one thing, some have expectations when a woman allows sex. Not all guys, but some. They can be just like women that way, believe it or not. Sometimes it's about a subconscious sense of ownership, like now that she's given me this most intimate part of herself, she's mine, and no other guy can have her. If/when they find out it was just casual sex on the woman's part, they freak. Sometimes it's an emotional bond that forms, especially if it's not just a ONS, but several hook-ups. And of course, we know that women tend to get emotionally attached after sex. It's a human thing to a certain extent.
The OP knows this about herself, so she's decided not to be casual about sex. There's nothing wrong with that, she's doing the right thing for her. She's not preaching to everyone saying this is how women should be, she's saying she knows herself well enough that this is what she needs to do to avoid emotional pain and drama to the extent possible. She's not doing this to play games or to manipulate the guy, she's doing this to be true to herself.
Another reason women postpone sex is that they have to get to know the guy well enough to know he'll be considerate of her needs, and not just use her as...lol! I love this expression someone came up with on another thread--his personal spittoon, and call it quits as soon as he's done. A lot of women aren't into the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" scenario.
So, MissAnn, if you've had your share of fun without ever being used when having sex on the first date, you're really lucky.
So...what's this I hear about you and Froggie?
This is turning into a really interesting thread.
I guess it is all about viewpoint.
If I'm on a date with a guy, it's a given I find him attractive. If I find him attractive, you can bet I'm sitting there wondering how soon I can get into his pants.
I am very male on the inside...dunno why as physically I'm very feminine but there it is.
I respect womens choices no matter what they are...it's the reasoning behind the choices that makes me scratch my head.
OPs original question is why he still finds her attractive with 20 extra pounds. My answer to that is - why wouldn't he? Why does she FEEL she has such high standards to meet?
Why isn't there a guy posting on this thread about a woman still wanting him even though he'd got chubbier? Because he assumes she will still want him, that's why.
We bring up our girls to "catch" a man and our boys to be "caught". I just think that's wrong and does a massive disservice to BOTH sexes.
I have a daughter and I would be HORRIFIED if I thought she put her own sexual needs second to a desire to "catch a man". She's been brought up to think she's perfectly fine just the way she is, and a great relationship will come along when she's fulfilled and happy...these girls think it's the other way around.
I hope you guys understand what I mean. I am certainly not slamming someone who decides to be very picky, at all. I am just questioning the reasons behind what they do, and often it seems to be a ploy of some sort, for some gain...surely not the healthiest way to start any relationship in my eyes.
People usually respect you more. This is my opinion. I just left a thread where the guy was going on about rihanna being a s*ut and a w*ore. Charming.
Usually... But it rarely depends on what you're ACTUALLY doing, but rather what you are perceived of doing. I had a 'bad' reputation in high school because some horrible girls decided to spread rumors about me. I left school junior year and finished most of high school at a continuation school. When I got back to high school (I wanted a diploma, not a GED) everyone assumed I left because I got pregnant.
I was a virgin the entire time.
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