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She lied!!!
Is that a$$ so good that you gotta work all day, come home, clean house while she sleeps 12 hrs. and don`t do sh*t? HHMMM Must be golden ""P.""
OP, she has some issues that you can not work on with her. She has to do it. She needs to want to work on her issues and to do that, she has to accept that she has issues. Plus, she's depressed.
It's up to you whether to invest the time and energy - more time and energy than you have so far - in getting her first to realize she has need for a therapist and second in getting her to agree to go to one. And third, to put in the energy needed to change herself - FOR HERSELF, not for you, not for holding onto the relationship, just for her.
My own opinion is that your relationship will not last much longer:
partly because of your current resentment - and there's no reason why you shouldn't resent that she isn't pulling her weight - the very least she can do as a not earning money partner is to earn value within the relationship. By that I mean finding ways to save money (which is a form of earning it) - doing the hosuework, cooking, laundry;
and partly because, if she does get therapy, she may be someone totally different from the person you think she is. OR, she may even reject therapy and just go with where she is in life.
Only she can do the work necessary to be the woman you thought she was - but she has to want to do the work - and it's hard, so she may not stick with it. Or it might take many years, depending on what her issues are.
If you haven't already had "the talk", now is the time. If you are having trouble, you could print out what you wrote in the OP and ask her to read it. It's how you feel - and you really should share your feelings with each other honestly if you intend for this relationship to continue.
BUT, I think you've already got one foot out the door and are not moving your second foot because of the amount of time/years you have invested in her and because you are afraid of her reaction.
It's a big decision to make. Don't rush it. But DO talk with her. Let her know you are unhappy. Be clear about what it is you expect of her.
I think we are not being given the rest of the story.
We don't know what each person's idea of what "messy" is.
If she has FMLA she needed a doctor to sign off on forms.
Maybe you misspoke but worker's comp is for those injured at work, perhaps you mean unemployment.
If she is sleeping all the time that is a sign of depression, if that is the case, she needs to figure out the source(I think it is you), seek treatment and/or remove the cause, maybe you guys breaking up would be good for BOTH of you.
This sounds like a sad situation for you. It is hard when you love someone to think about ending it all. I think I would give her one last chance. I would sit her down and read her the riot act. Tell her how unhappy you are with things and that you have considered ending the relationship, but you love her and want to give her the opportunity to change. If she does not change, or changes and goes right back to the old ways, you gave her fair warning. I think she is probably messy by nature and may always be, but she can certainly learn to pick up and keep things clean if it is for the relationship. She also needs to help out more financially, it is not fair that you take on all that burden when you made it clear from the beginning that you wanted an equal partner. I think she is taking advantage of you and you need to step up and call her on it. Good luck to you.
I am still "splitting up" from a woman like that. She has ruined me financially, left with massive debts, I'm basically homeless and it'll take a miracle to dig myself out of this hole. She was a very domineering person and I could never say no to her. I tried to help her move to another state, only to have her want to move back. I did pretty much everything: laundry, groceries, *tried* to manage the finances and whenever the **** hit the fan, it fell on my shoulders. She ended up just quitting her job, leaving me to pick up the pieces.
Never again. I'd either rather be single forever or be with a partner who has her **** together.
How could anybody could last long working in call centers! What a dreadful way to earn a living.
Not sure what you should do. I believe despite your problems, you really do love her. If you decide to break up, do the best you can to help her through it. Maybe she's the one who has to make the decision because she loves you too.
Or some reason, I feel more optimistic about this relationship, with all of its flaws, because you have empathy for your partner.
Yeah... depression. I suffer from it, and I know how hard it is to deal with, but I'd say RUN SCREAMING. Look, people like this are leeches. They suck the very life out of you, and what you get in return is drama and dependency.
Give it one more try if you want. Tell her she starts seeing a therapist and working on her issues or you're gone. Maybe see a couples counselor. But insist on change. Don't let her wiggle out of it and talk you into staying on her terms. Her behavior is unreasonable and it doesn't make for a good partnership. Your expectations are realistic.
Yes, she probably loves you for real. But TRUST ME: Love isn't enough. There has to be more than just that for a relationship to thrive.
Yeah... depression. I suffer from it, and I know how hard it is to deal with, but I'd say RUN SCREAMING. Look, people like this are leeches. They suck the very life out of you, and what you get in return is drama and dependency.
Give it one more try if you want. Tell her she starts seeing a therapist and working on her issues or you're gone. Maybe see a couples counselor. But insist on change. Don't let her wiggle out of it and talk you into staying on her terms. Her behavior is unreasonable and it doesn't make for a good partnership. Your expectations are realistic.
Yes, she probably loves you for real. But TRUST ME: Love isn't enough. There has to be more than just that for a relationship to thrive.
I"m with this one and I say only set an ultimatum if you know you would stay if she cleans up her act. Chances are she will only come to her senses after you leave--I know, i had to deal with this once. I felt guilty for about 2 seconds and then I felt gloriously free.
The symptoms sound like serious chronic illness. Clutter can be a symptom of that as well. Have you discussed with her the change she's gone through from a happy, independent, employed person to a chronically ill person? Have you asked her what's going on? You didn't mention if she's sought therapy.
Just because doctors can't find anything wrong doesn't mean something isn't seriously wrong on the health front. Doctors in our health care system tend to be helpless when faced with chronic illness, with the exception of a few illnesses, like diabetes. Try looking for a doctor in your area who works independently of insurance. Such doctors are expensive, but they're good at getting to the bottom of things. Insurance-based doctors tend to use Pharma to treat symptoms, rather than look for root causes. She could have an undiagnosed thyroid condition (insurance-based doctors aren't allowed to order the deeper, more expensive thyroid tests, unless the routine tests come back REALLY wack-o), or other endocrine condition, or she could be bi-polar, or both. If she's truly ill, that means there's hope of treatment (these things can take time to resolve), and she could use your support. Maybe knowing that there's light at the end of the tunnel would give you a second wind. If even a super-doctor can't find anything wrong, well....then you need to do some more thinking about what you want the rest of your life to look like. I vote for giving the medical angle a really good try, first.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 07-27-2012 at 09:49 PM..
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Must be golden ""P."" 
