When should a guy start giving his girlfriend money? (long distance, guys, separate)
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You can't be serious. Young girls these days are going to school, paying car notes, paying for books, food, rent, student loans, ect, all while earning money, as say, a waitress that pays between 3-7 bucks an hour + tips. In other words, they're BROKE!
Is this the same forum where men gripe incessantly about gold-diggers? Did I make a wrong turn at the last intersection? wtf??
And guess what happens when he divorces this kind of woman?
Oh yes, the angst, the "OMG she was a gold digger and a user and she raped my bank account".
Financial responsibility isn't sexy or fun or overly exciting but it's one of the top issues in a marriage and one big reason why marriages fail. If you support a woman early on what happens when you lose your job or get sick? Does she have the ability to then support you both and carry the household financial burden?
It might have been your job back in the 1950s but we live in 2013 now. Time to get with the times calicali. Women have been financially independent for more than 20 years.
And what have you accomplished?..... Meanwhile, Kids today are shooting up schools/movie theaters, childhood obesity is at an all time high, and the divorce rate is over 50%. The American family is BROKEN. Hmmmm, I wonder why?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
The only women who need a man to take care of them are leeches.
I respectfully disagree, and I take offence that you say the women who want men to take care of them are all leeches because how is a woman suppose to take care of the home/kids with no income coming in?
In fact, it's women like you who like to shame stay at home mothers simply because they're SAHMs not even realizing that the system of men working and women staying at home (or at least doing LIGHT work for side income) was perfectly fine to begin with.
Also, from a psychological point of view, no matter how much money/status a woman has, it's in her nature to want *some man* to take care of her, or, at the very least, know she can feel safe that she can fall back on her man when she's going though turbulent times.
See, your problem, Djuna, is that you resent the fact that women NEED men for basic subsistence. It's the reverse of men who resent women because they NEED sex from them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
Once a relationship is established things might be different but taking care of a woman from the get go is stupid.
Why is it stupid when I'm in control of how much money I'm giving away. I can stop giving away money at any time and move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
An irresponsible, needy girlfriend becomes an irresponsible, needy wife
Oh really? Many men meet women while they have good jobs and are seemly ambitious, but as soon as they get married to the girl and get her pregnant, the woman who touted herself as being independent/ambitious now wants to quit her job and just stay at home. My only thing about it is that the woman lied about what direction she wanted to take in life. This puts unnecessary stress on the man because he was planning on his wife working.
Last edited by calicali01; 01-07-2013 at 07:29 PM..
And what have you accomplished?..... Meanwhile, Kids today are shooting up schools/movie theaters, childhood obesity is at a all time high, and the divorce rate is over 50%. The American family is BROKEN. Hmmmm, I wonder why?
If you means women in general probably the same as men when in comparison to the general population as in my opinion only a minority of men and women make true worthwhile accomplishments. Bit amusing that you seem to imply the broken American family is due to gal's getting their independence as that suggests quite a lack of involvement and importance of fathers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calicali01
I respectfully disagree, and I take offence that you say the women who want men to take care of them are all leeches because how is a woman suppose to take care of the home/kids with no income coming in?
In fact, it's women like you who like to shame stay at home mothers simply because they're SAHMs not even realizing that the system of men working and women staying at home (or at least doing LIGHT work for side income) was perfectly fine to begin with.
Also, from a psychological point of view, no matter how much money/status a woman has, it's in her nature to want *some man* to take care of her, or, at the very least, know she can feel safe that she can fall back on her man when she's going though turbulent times.
Bit misleading and putting words into her mouth as she stated once the relationship evolve things might be different and the situation she described was initial dating not an established relationship involving children and a shared home.
Quite misleading to state the stay-at-home mother system was perfectly fine to begin with as it seems more like it was perfectly fine for some women and for most men as men had a cook, maid, and nanny who they had financial control over. In fact your later statement of how you're in control of the money and can stop giving it away at any time and move on is reminiscent to one of the issues many women had with the stay-at-home mother system.
Do tell how did you diagnose this 'problem' of her resenting the 'fact' that women 'need' men for basic 'subsistence'?
When should a guy start giving his girlfriend money?
Quote:
Originally Posted by joeclyde
When you first start dating I think it's horrible idea to give woman money to pay their bills or for beauty reasons. She technically hasn't "earned" it and she knows it. So she won't generally appreciate the gesture. That is just my opinion. But let's say you have been dating her for a couple of months and she starts dropping hints of bills being due.
What's the general rule of thumb for giving your girlfriend money?
When she starts dropping hints it's time to give the relationship serious thought. I would be inclined to start looking for another girlfriend. Because I take her out and spend money on her doesn't mean I owe her. When she starts thinking I'm her meal ticket, it's time to move on. On the other hand, if she is a prostitute you expect to pay her for her favors.
And what have you accomplished?..... Meanwhile, Kids today are shooting up schools/movie theaters, childhood obesity is at an all time high, and the divorce rate is over 50%. The American family is BROKEN. Hmmmm, I wonder why?
I have 2 grown daughters who are independent, educated free thinkers. Their Dad and I are divorced. Sorry we made things work out for our children and we are not the only ones. And for the millionth time, I am NOT an American.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calicali01
I respectfully disagree, and I take offence that you say the women who want men to take care of them are all leeches because how is a woman suppose to take care of the home/kids with no income coming in?
The OP is talking about a relationship of 2 months, not a committed marriage where kids are involved. Totally different scenario.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calicali01
In fact, it's women like you who like to shame stay at home mothers simply because they're SAHMs not even realizing that the system of men working and women staying at home (or at least doing LIGHT work for side income) was perfectly fine to begin with.
Again, off topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calicali01
Also, from a psychological point of view, no matter how much money/status a woman has, it's in her nature to want *some man* to take care of her, or, at the very least, know she can feel safe that she can fall back on her man when she's going though turbulent times.
Rubbish. There are now pages of women saying exactly the same thing, we make our own money and we don't rely on a man to take care of us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calicali01
See, your problem, Djuna, is that you resent the fact that women NEED men for basic subsistence. It's the reverse of men who resent women because they NEED sex from them.
I'm not the one with the problem dude. I don't need a man. I have a man because I WANT him, not because I NEED him to support me financially. And guess what, in this day and age fewer and fewer women need men to take care of them. Get used to it and get over yourself.
And what have you accomplished?..... Meanwhile, Kids today are shooting up schools/movie theaters, childhood obesity is at an all time high, and the divorce rate is over 50%. The American family is BROKEN. Hmmmm, I wonder why?
Oh really? Many men meet women while they have good jobs and are seemly ambitious, but as soon as they get married to the girl and get her pregnant, the woman who touted herself as being independent/ambitious now wants to quit her job and just stay at home. My only thing about it is that the woman lied about what direction she wanted to take in life. This puts unnecessary stress on the man because he was planning on his wife working.
Basically women can't win with you. If they decide they want to be sahms they can't win, but when they aren't sahms they are responsible for all of society's problems.
Guess what...having a child is HUGE deal, and some families(not just women) change their mind once the baby comes and they start seeing how the baby will change your life. Are you party to the private conversations these couples have? I never saw being a sahm as something that was possible for me, but I certainly see how some families change their mind in these situations.
As for your comment about the American family being broken, where do men fit in that equation? Do you honestly believe that in the traditional family model of old there was no dysfunction?
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When should a guy start giving his girlfriend money?
