Wife lied about birth control, pregnant, advice? (Christian, divorce, friend)
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News flash for those who somehow slept thru their Sex Ed classes in school:
There is usually the risk of pregnancy during sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, even if they are using birth control.
Therefore, don't have sex with people you don't want to co parent with.
Why is that so difficult for people to grasp? Like my mama always told me, "Honey, you got to be PARTICULAR."
I agree, that being said, I truly do not want to die any time soon, but I still drive a car, and my chances of dying from a car accident are higher than my chances of getting someone pregnant when taking birth control properly. Also, if she had been taking her BC i would be surprised that she got pregnant, but, I can handle it. You cannot remove risk completely, but you can reduce it. The difficulty is the irresponsibility.
I don't know. I'd be really pissed if I was OP and would certainly consider divorce.
That's a huge breach of trust right there.
You have two children and a wife and consider divorce because your wife is pregnant? No matter how it happened, he had sex with her, so he had a part in the matter.
Reading this thread has been enlightening to me.
Like I said, my ex husband, after he found out I was pregnant with our second child told me I needed to take care of it, so, I needed to get an abortion.
That showed me the type of man he was. Now I will say I was on birth control, for all of my pregnancies. I should have divorced him right then and I would have saved myself a whirlwind of many years of grief.
You have two children and a wife and consider divorce because your wife is pregnant? No matter how it happened, he had sex with her, so he had a part in the matter.
Reading this thread has been enlightening to me.
Like I said, my ex husband, after he found out I was pregnant with our second child told me I needed to take care of it, so, I needed to get an abortion.
That showed me the type of man he was. Now I will say I was on birth control, for all of my pregnancies. I should have divorced him right then and I would have saved myself a whirlwind of many years of grief.
I really cannot believe people are speaking of abortion and divorce in this circumstance. Does their marriage mean nothing? Does he not love her and their family?
I understand his being upset but really? Divorce and abortion?
Well, neither of them wants a 3rd child (according to the OP's perception). Depending on when the pregnancy began, abortion would be an option, if neither of them has religious objections. In other words, the problem may have a simple solution, it's not quite written in stone yet.
But if abortion is unthinkable to the OP, he could at least raise the question simply to call his wife's bluff and see if it's true she didn't want a 3rd child, or not.
It's not entirely clear whether the OP loves his wife, he's giving us mixed signals. It's also not clear whether she loves him. There's a lot of information we don't have about this case.
I'd be pissed too but the only way to solve this for sure is to get snipped.
That problem solved.
As far as the trust issue... Hmmm... I got nothing.
I agree that he needs to get snipped. My husband was too afraid to but I knew I didn't want more children so with my c-section with my daughter I told them to tie, clip and burn my tubes while they were in there. Problem solved.
News flash for those who somehow slept thru their Sex Ed classes in school:
There is usually the risk of pregnancy during sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, even if they are using birth control.
Therefore, don't have sex with people you don't want to co parent with.
Why is that so difficult for people to grasp? Like my mama always told me, "Honey, you got to be PARTICULAR."
I agree, that being said, I truly do not want to die any time soon, but I still drive a car, and my chances of dying from a car accident are higher than my chances of getting someone pregnant when taking birth control properly. Also, if she had been taking her BC i would be surprised that she got pregnant, but, I can handle it. You cannot remove risk completely, but you can reduce it. The difficulty is the irresponsibility.
Yes, it was a breach of trust and I'm not absolving her of that - but we're only hearing your side of the story and she's not here to take advice so that's why I'm addressing your end of it. Sorry if I sound harsh.
I'd be VERY ticked off if someone deceived me about birth control. For instance, I had a good friend who met and married a man who was about ten years older than her - someone who KNEW she wanted kids very badly. He hid the fact from her that he had HAD A VASECTOMY years earlier. She found out from his ex wife after they were married! That was a horrible situation that ended in divorce - not because of the vasectomy but because he lied to her about it.
I hope you guys can go to some counseling and work through this trust issue - I really do. That's the biggest problem here - a lot bigger problem than a baby.
My ex husband told me that I needed to have an abortion, and it was the wrong thing for him to do. As my then husband, he should have embraced me and if he thought it was going to be hard, he could have said that.......
It will be hard but we will make it through.
Now. Given the fact that we are divorced, and he caused me much grief over the years is where my sarcasm came in. I should have divorced him right then for saying that to me. I didn't. I was with him from 1991-2007. This happened in 1995
I find these things about her personally disdainful but I don't think that puts her below me, she is a human being. And i guess great mom is a subjective phrase, she does everything a mother is supposed to do for their children and more and I know she loves them dearly. The other things I mentioned, the entitlement, irresponsibility, etc., yes, thats all true, her mom and sister both say it and I usually defend her strongly to them, but her mom is the one that made that behavior in the first place, and I allowed this stuff to go on, knowing I didnt care for it.
Why are you defending her if what they're saying is true?
In any case, how does she lift you up? How does she strengthen and support you? What do you respect about her? What about her makes you go "Damn. This woman's got my back. She is my partner."?
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