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This is what I don't get. If a man had a promiscuous past, we should accept that it's in the past and forget it but yet a woman is branded for life and must lie her way through (by never revealing this) in order for her to form a relationship, get marry one day and have kids, even when she really changed and has been faithful since.
Who said anything about infidelity? Man's greatest fear - a woman who enjoys sex. Why? Because the presumption is future infidelity.
My views: Unless your sexual history is going to directly impact the new person you are with (history of STIs, children, etc), then your partner is not entitled to any information. And why even bother discussing numbers? What is the point? Things like that are trivial and existed much before the arrival of the new person in your life.
And why would one even want to know the number of partners their SO has previously had? What good does having that information do? Does it serve a purpose?
She shouldn't tell him, and if it ever comes up, she should just say she's had enough experience to know she's made the right choice with him. Unless he's someone who really does not care but is still curious - even then it's best not to give him a chance to get upset.
The best relationships are built on honesty, and there should never have to be an "oh sh*t" moment of disclosure. Too late now, but it would have been better to let that stuff out along the journey of getting to know each other. It's part of who each person is, and if it's a deal-breaker, then so-be-it.
Now you both have too much invested, and it's more complicated. I would not have a sit-down to tell him all the details, but if a chance came out to shed a little light, I think I'd do it. Just a little. (Like two poster's said on page one, it's a balance of "not telling" vs. "not lying", and if you aren't careful, those two things can be mutually exclusive.)
I always am candid about my past. If the guy I'm with cant handle it, then it probably wont work out. Insecure men who cant deal with gf's who have a past, dont work well with me.
I used to, in my younger days, go crazy at places like Nana Plaza in Thailand, La Dolce Vita in Cartatenga Club Florida in Nirobi, and the Cyclone in Dubai....like two or three times a day.
Not proud of it but on R&Rs from iraq and Afghanistan I went crazy.
Over a long life I've never discussed "numbers" with anyone. I could only come up with a very rough estimate anyway. What I did when I was sexually active at different times in my life was all about the generation I was living in then and they were very different times. And I've never been asked the question by anyone I've ever been involved with, including spouses. Nor have I in turn asked it. Different sexual experiences have been discussed over the years in different situations but if I were in a serious relationship with someone and it failed simply because of a number count then it really wouldn't be so much of a loss as rather a disappointment that I'd misjudged the other person.
The reason for knowing (or asking) someone's past can be to 1) pass judgement 2) take away from the other persons' irresponsibility by placing blame on the partner, <insert excuses here>, or finally, "Disease Control."
I wouldn't be with anyone that had been with 300 others, since chances are, each of those 300 were with at least 300 more. You can keep counting exponenially to determine higher numbers.
People used to be concerned only about HIV/AIDS. However, with survivors lasting in excess of 15 years, new focus is being placed on STD's. For instance, you can contract herpes and not know it for over 30 years! And, you may never get symptoms, but your partner might catch them from you and show symptoms right away (or not at all).
Herpes is incurable, doesn't necessarily have symptoms, and you can't necessarily tell when it's been spread.
While people should know about each other's pasts, it's up to them to decide if they want to know. It's not a touchy subject in my book, but others are totally clueless. I have been celibate for 20 years rather than run into someone who could give me something I don't want ..... and I don't trust many people.
Im gonna have to say no on this one..for obvious reasons
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