Major Marital Problems And A Bad Case of a Mother in Law From Hell (marry, women)
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It sounds like him and his entire family are nuts.
And I'm not so sure it's his mother he's always talking to and spending time with. More likely his other wife and kids. The ones he's going to leave everything to if he dies. That's the first thought that came to my mind anyway. Something just isn't right with this situation..
hmm... It kind of makes one wonder if all those deployments were legit ones.
ruth4truth,
one of my twins was a little delayed in her speech but is now talking, acts a little different compared to her twin i dont have an autism diagnosis but her pediatrician thinks that it "could be" autism. when i mean that my parents dont live nearby iu mean they dont live down the street! lol they live about an hour away. maybe even 45 mins. financial wise, i could always work with my sister and my parents can watch the girls but i dont think that can be an everyday thing.. not right now at least.
iknowftbll,
hes a marine, been in for 8yrs hes a sgt.. and hes been deployed ALOT. afghanistan 3times iraq 1 time. hes just turned 26 . im 25 turning 26 this year. we got married when we were 20. and my twin girls are going to be 3 this year.
Flowing Mindspin ,
i def know that theres someting wrong with this situation/marriage. im always questioning it and when i see people so happy and lovey dovey i just mentally roll my eyes because i know that will nevber be me and him. whats t use of being married to someone if u dont feel married..at all. we dont hold hands when we go out. we dont even go out! ugh
**now hes on the whole thing of like when your married thats it. u dontneed to impress your spouse or look good. he sometimes wont even shower or shave on his days off. its like at work hes the man and gets stuff done but they dont see the side of him thats angry moody depressed, the only person in his family who knew that my husband was talking to me all mean and stuff was his dad and he didnt like that. he said he didnt raise him to be that way.
back in the summertime his dad bought him a really nice engraved bracelet and instead of my husband saying thank u, he told his dad that he hated it and that it was ugly and that he will NEVER wear it because its just not what he would want. his father was so upset because he saved for it and was so sure that my husband wouldve loved the bracelet. he didnt understand why my husband was sooo mean. i said thats how he is and i told his dad that i havent bought him anything in a long time because he puts u down and makes u feel like crap about it. i told his dad thatmy husbands priorities are all screwed up. this is the breakdown:
being a marine #1
being a son #2
being a brother #3
being a dad #4
being a friend #5
being a husband #6
wall of text that only one thing matters on: do you have children together?
the rest writes itself once you take the first big step in doing what you know is the right thing for you.
haha! yeah thats the short version of my post lol and no of course im not completely innocent in this marriage either because i point out how much of a jerk hes being when appropriate times call for it. he had an ex girlfiriend with whom he went everywhere with so when he doesnt want to take the kids anywhere.. ill say u can take that girl out but u cant take out your own kids. then he says it was different back then. im sick of his excuses.
**i bring up alot of things that i resent about him. i guess im annoying in that sense but thats because all this rage and resentment that i have for him just wants to get out of me because im sick of holding on to it. we dated off and on from when we were 18-20, but it was more off then on. i was busy with school and he had left for the marines and he had girlfriends during that time, one in particular who he left stuff at her house because they had just broke up and me and him rekindled our relationship and he asked me to marry him. everything happened so fast. and a week into our marriage she, the ex gf was in town and she called him and said she was gonna drop off his belongings. (this is the ex gf that his mom wanted him to be with)
we were at his parents house and when she pulled up, he told me to wait inside that he didnt want a commotion outside. i thought he was being weird but respected the situation and so i watched thru the window as it was open already lol and i heard her say "omg thats a wedding ring u got married? to who? how long were u cheating on me?.. and he was like swearing up and down that he never cheated on her. she asked who and then she said my name in an annoyng mocking tone..
i wanted to go outside and shut her up!! haha not really i just wanted to know why she had to say my name like that! like what did i do to her?! ugh but again, i respected the situation and chose to be quiet while i was screaming on the inside lol . so after he gets his stufff, i see him walking towards the door and she says no hug? u cant hug me? i know u so long and u cant hug me.. what? is your wife gonna getmad or something?(again with annoying mocking tone) and he said uh no and then he hugged her. i specifically told him "do not hug her kiss her or have any other physical contact with her" its like he doesnt stick up for me, he doesnt respect my feelings nothing. its like, marriage is supposed to be a team. 50/50 but i dont even feel like me and him are on the same team. we are like enemys living together. lol i laugh but i think this is really true!
but with the xgf and the hug, it bothers me even though it happened a while back. i know its just a hug, but i kinda told him that any hugs or kisses to her was totally inappropriate. i know he still had feelings for her thats why it bothered me and thats y i told him it was innapropriate. . she walked away crying and when he came inside he was a little teary eyed too. she was just sitting there in her car crying in front of the house.
alot of the stuff he does bothers me, whether it happened today or yesterday or last year. he gets mad that i remember how much of a douche he is. like with the ex gf thing hes like im sorry i hugged her but i felt bad!! he didnt care to think about how i felt. it was her feelings that he cared for over mine. then he tells me its ok that he chose her feelings over mine because "i expect more from u" or "i expect you to accept what i do" thats a bunch of bs.
he has told me that im annoying and/or that i need to grow up. yeah maybe i do need to grow up..example: for instance, he wakes up on the weekends 1 or 2pm. when he was at his moms, he was up early every morning from what he told me. so when its the weekend and i want to go out for a family outing and he wakes up really late and says i work all week and im going to sleep till whenever time i want to.
i get mad and i say .. im sure if i was your mom you wouldve woke up early. if im like, lets go for a walk the weathers beautiful and his answer is always no. i say, u know what u suck. u took ure ex gf everywhere and u cant even go around the block with me and your kids. yeah maybe thats not a grown up way of responding to the situation.
but seriously my responses come out of left field towards him but my heart is broken because i see how better he is and was with everyone else and my rage, anger ,sadness and hurt just sit there waiting to explode at any given second he says something or does somthing that pisses me off.**
it really just boils down to the fact that ... me + him = toxic
it really just boils down to the fact that ... me + him = toxic
I've done some more editing.
None of the other detail really matters at all. You don't have to "prove" or justify or explain anything to anyone especially us on here. The guys a douche, you've tried your best, now you need to get out of this horrible situation before you get really resentful and something bad happens.
Wow, there are certainly a number of challenges going on. Even though your husband may not be agreeable to go to counseling/therapy to address the multiple issues that he's dealing with, is there any reason that you wouldn't be able to go on your own? My suggestion is to locate someone who is solutions oriented (you've already identified the problems so 'reliving' the negative experiences may not be productive) & who is familiar with the extra challenges a military marriage/family has.
BTW, I may have missed it but is there anything your husband has done right from your perspective? For me, I would rather be elsewhere than be some place where I'm being told everything I've done/am doing is wrong...just a thought.
Best Wishes as you decide whether to stay or go...
Hubby is major league screwed up. He's got serious family dysfunction behind him, plus several war deployments, over the past several years. Take a guy with mental issues to start, add in PTSD and what you've got is a disaster.
It's not going to get better on its own. Then add in a wife who is buying into all the family craziness and seems resigned to staying and doesn't really want to leave ( or so it seems), then why post about it. Just to vent ?
To me it seems this marriage is long over, it's not going to get better. PTSD does not get better on its own, it only gets worse. Unresolved marital conflicts won't get better either. I think the OP needs counseling but counseling aimed at teaching her how to survive as a single mother because that's the only viable solution to her problems.
Their are children involved here and they don't need to grow up in this toxic environment. This is no life for them here and will only teach them that this is how people in marriage act. It will adversely color their future behaviors with others.
First off you married into dysfunction, knowing that outright beforehand.
Second mistake, you chose to have a kid in this dysfunction......
I would recommend before leaving him, that you develop some of your own sense of self and independence. I take it that you have never worked before?
Have you thought about how you will take care of yourself when you leave?
Have you sat down and communicated with your husband that he is not supporting his family emotionally and discussed how you feel.
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