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Recently I've been dating women who are a little below my league (Looks wise, anyway)
I've found I actually enjoy myself around them more, because they actually seem like they're into me. Whenever I date women who are very attractive it always seems like they're doing me a favor by agreeing to date me. Kinda puts me off.
I'm not out going hogging or anything, I'm just open to dating average looking women that are awesome people. I wouldn't say I lowered my standards, I just found out I don't like dating the princess type, they're sure pretty to look at though!
Recently I've been dating women who are a little below my league (Looks wise, anyway)
I've found I actually enjoy myself around them more, because they actually seem like they're into me. Whenever I date women who are very attractive it always seems like they're doing a favor by agreeing to date me. Kinda puts me off.
I'm not out going hogging or anything, I'm just open to dating average looking women that are awesome people. I wouldn't say I lowered my standards, I just found out I don't like dating the princess type, they're sure pretty to look at though!
I remember one time going out with this little hottie, she looked like something out of a heavy metal video.... just the whole nine... skin tight dress, all vampy looking.
over the years i've met a number of guys who will completely avoid women they're truly attracted to, and will deliberately go for "low hanging fruit". it's something i just don't understand.
the other day, i was chatting with a fellow at a bar. he said to me, "man, goin for the hottest girl is just dumb". i totally disagree with this for the following reasons:
1) first - i disagree with the perspective that you're pursuing the "hottest" girl. the way i see it, you're pursuing the one you find yourself most attracted to. this might seem like a distinction without a difference, but i think it's important because the former perspective implies an objective assessment (ie, others agree that she's the most attractive), whereas the latter suggests a more subjective one - you don't care what others think of her, you just know that you're really into her. when you know that the girl you're talkin to is not the one you're most attracted to, you won't put your best foot forward. at least for me, i find myself getting alot wittier and sharp around a woman i'm attracted to, than when i'm around someone i'm not so sure about. and i'm certain that just about any woman can sense this. i'm not very good at "faking it", and i suspect most guys aren't either (although many mistakenly believe they are).
2) if i consistently avoided the ones i was really into, over time, my confidence would take a big hit. i can't imagine telling myself on a regular basis, "forget about her - you could never get that girl" and keep my self esteem intact.
3) the false belief that if you go for "average" looking girls, your odds of hooking up will be higher - in my experience, attitude is simply not a function of looks, and i've met plenty of gorgeous women who were super nice and friendly, and plenty of average looking women that were bitter and rude. in other words, you simply cannot use her looks as an indicator of how receptive she's goin to be of your advances. IIRC, OKCupid even released the results of a study that found that girls in the 7-8 range were the ones that were most selective, because they would get contacted far more than either the 6s (and below) or the 9s and 10s.
i also think there's another false assumption that leads to this conclusion - that the "average" woman's internal assessment of potential mates matches yours, ie, a guy who's a 7 thinks that if he goes for a girl he believes to be a 7, he's playing "within his league", but of course the assumption here is that she, too, believes that he is a 7. yet the truth is that she might well consider him a 4!
4) finally, i think it's just plain selfish to "settle" like this. i sure as hell wouldn't want to be with someone that settled for me, and i think it's unfair to the other person since you're just wasting their time. they could instead continue their search for someone who really wants to be with them, instead of wasting their time on you.
the only time it makes any sense is if you've been on a really long dry spell and just want to release some tension, but even so i think the whole affair should be as transparent as possible to all involved, ie, no one should be misled or deceived.
thoughts/comments?
You are entitled to your opinion but I have to respectfully disagree. As I guy, I have gone after "average women", because I don't want to deal wit the bs that comes with dating an attractive woman. Men are stupid and they go after these girls and baby them, let them walk all over them, and buy them anything they want. I am sorry, but with me, first of all you have to earn these things, second, I don't put up with women acting like divas and throwing fits which is another thing that I think men let slide from an attractive woman.
I don't have a "defeatist attitude" or think lowly of myself. It's not about that, its just been that in my experience, the cute and beautiful women that I have dated have been more trouble than they were worth. Now that I am older, I would rather be with an average girl that treats me right and is nice and will be there for me when I need her than some hot girl that is selfish, narcissistic, rude, and thinks everything should be handed to her. And that my friend, is not settling.
I honestly have to say...I try not to base anything on looks anymore.
I think it's completely ridiculous to do so. Not every "attractive girl" is the same, and not every "unattractive" girl is the same. It depends entirely on the person. We are all just people with different personalities. Stereotyping will nothing but hinder you rather than help.
They're just being realistic. Sometimes the "low-hanging fruit" is something they know they can get. Attractive women will reject a man 99% of the time.
They're just being realistic. Sometimes the "low-hanging fruit" is something they know they can get. Attractive women will reject a man 99% of the time.
When I was single I did something like that.I would avoid women with a lot of admirers because I didn't feel like competing for her affection. If I had to compete with another guy for her she doesn't really care about me or hm.
When I was single I did something like that.I would avoid women with a lot of admirers because I didn't feel like competing for her affection. If I had to compete with another guy for her she doesn't really care about me or him.
Maybe it's my ego, but I don't compete with other men for a woman's attention.
It's me, and me only... you want to date other men... that's all fine and dandy, but I don't roll that way......
Same goes to the women I dated.. It was only one at a time for me.....especially if being intimate.
If people are just very casually seeing someone that's a little different.
Last edited by Chowhound; 06-21-2014 at 04:11 PM..
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