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Most people are too emotional for that to work. It's a great disservice to men, this stereotype that we all disconnect sex and love. Sure, many do. Many women do, too. I think the majority of people want a lasting commitment and the whole FWB thing is a form of settling for less. We accept what we think we deserve. That FWB that you're having while you wait for Mr. or Miss Right will get in your way of finding him or her.
Of course, if you like the whole no strings thing and aren't using it as a holding pattern: Go to it. Just make sure everyone involved feels the same way.
My thoughts exactly.
Also, time you spend with the wrong person is time you could be spending out there finding the right one. I've never bothered with FWB, and never will.
In my experience its very unlikely, for things to remain casual for long. The female particulary will develop "feelings" and want more.
So does the male. That's why these arrangements are god in theory, but don't always work out in practice. Theory doesn't involve the heart, and all those bonding hormones that happen in the male as well as the female. "Practice" does. Lots of guys get hurt this way. They think it's going to be fun, or easy-breezy, but before they know it, they've bonded with the woman, whether she likes it or not.
In my experience its very unlikely, for things to remain casual for long. The female particulary will develop "feelings" and want more.
Now I've read on this forum, several people say they have had a FWB situation or f*** buddy, in some cases as long as 2 years. I find this very confusing, as in my experience as I said, its very rare.
Not always true Dave nz. There are women who may have several FWBs/BCBs(booty-call-boys) because she needs a variety of men to satisfy her sexual appetite. I've been one of those guys.
One FWB might not be enough. The women who get emotionally attached are the ones who start liking the guys personality, what he may bring to the table aside from the sex and who he is as a person rather than how he f**ks.
Don't kid yourself. There are nuff women who can easily detach any kind of emotional involvement when it comes to having friends with benefits. Cutthroat loving is what it is sometimes.
One FWB might not be enough. The women who get emotionally attached are the ones who start liking the guys personality, what he may bring to the table aside from the sex and who he is as a person rather than how he f**ks.
Excuse me, but isn't that exactly what a friend with benefits is? Someone you genuinely care about and enjoy as a person, but who you also have sex with on occasion?
[quote=zentropa;28449020]Excuse me, but isn't that exactly what a friend with benefits is? Someone you genuinely care about and enjoy as a person, but who you also have sex with on occasion?[/quote]
You are excused.
I think it depends on how you personally define FWBs, but I can see your point. I think a booty call is for pure emotionless sex to satisfy the urges. You might not care about that person as deeply as the next but the sex with that person keeps you going back for more.
If I genuinely care about a woman and enjoy her as a person, that has more the makings and potential of leading to an exclusive, committed relationship.
Excuse me, but isn't that exactly what a friend with benefits is? Someone you genuinely care about and enjoy as a person, but who you also have sex with on occasion?[/quote]
You are excused.
I think it depends on how you personally define FWBs, but I can see your point. I think a booty call is for pure emotionless sex to satisfy the urges. You might not care about that person as deeply as the next but the sex with that person keeps you going back for more.
If I genuinely care about a woman and enjoy her as a person, that has more the makings and potential of leading to an exclusive, committed relationship.
But not everyone is in a position for a long term relationship. As we get older, growing kids, busy careers and needing/wanting time for ourselves may take precedence over the work needed to cultivate and maintain a serious relationship. Not everyone wants to be half of a pair and at times it is just not a priority. There is a season for everything.
I think women are more prone to this mindset than men, though.
Well there are reasons for that. One a as men we are taught to suppress emotions at a young age, attachments can be suppressed similarly. Secondly it is easier for us to separate emotion from sex, ex. Guys have sex with women they are not even attracted to. The only cases I hear of the man getting attached is when he is really sexually inexperienced. lastly women have a ticking clock when it comes to having kids, that means they can't afford to do the fwb for too long..,they look at you as a potential mate more often. Men can keep it going forever and start a family whenever.
thats messed up in my opinion! I would understand if she was considered lower standards in his opinion than his previous relationship. Even thats messed up. I would never have a FWB with someone I wasnt attracted to. Why do men to that?
thats messed up in my opinion! I would understand if she was considered lower standards in his opinion than his previous relationship. Even thats messed up. I would never have a FWB with someone I wasnt attracted to. Why do men to that?
There may be some truth to what you say. But developing feelings for someone with whom you are intimate is pretty easy to understand.
To me, the much more interesting question is why so many men are so determined not develop any feelings in FWB situations. What is so terrible about developing a connection with another human being? Why isn't that a good thing anymore? Some of the best relationships I ever had (including my current one) began as FWB situations. They grew into more, because we both allowed that to happen.
There is something wrong with that if the one of them doesn't want that. What is so terrible as seeing things through as originally planned?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
Any FWB situation is going to run a high risk of deeper emotions and complications getting involved. The act releases hormones causing emotional bonding. It's biology, not some character defect.
So is it a character defect when you disconnect emotion from sex? Is it wrong to compartmentalize and organize your priorities and actions?
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