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I've had really atrocious luck dating guys who make significantly less than I do, although I'm open to the possibility in the right situation (i.e., a guy who is a high school teacher rather than a 40 year old guy who lives in his grandmother's basement.)
Something interesting I've noticed is how many times I've either met someone or have begin talking to a guy, but he gets really uncomfortable about the fact that I make more than he does. (No, I don't go around blurting out the details of my finances to everyone. But it's pretty easy to read between the lines during generic "and what do you do for a living?" chit-chat, or to make assumptions based on my employer or even the neighborhood I live in.)
Not sure if the issue is that they're worried I have plans to quit my job and have them support me in the manner to which I am accustomed (seriously?), or if they are concerned I must be judging them, or what.
Last edited by Wry_Martini; 03-10-2013 at 11:36 PM..
Reason: fixed typo
Not sure if the issue is that they're worried I have plans to quit my job and have them support me in the manner to which I am accustomed (seriously?), or if they are concerned I must be judging them, or what.
It's socialization. Most guys are raised and grow up thinking they are supposed to be the income earners, and for many guys their career and work life is directly connected to their sense of manhood. Ask any guy who is unemployed how he feels about his sense of self worth. Likewise, women do dump on guys who don't have jobs. So no surprise that it's a challenge for a woman to date a guy when she makes more money than him. There are many guys, however, who can deal with this situation. But then, again, there are women who can't deal with guys who make less than them. go figure...
I think it is easier to date people within my social class. It doesn't necessarily mean the same income though. (I.e. we could have very similar values, and you work at a non-profit or as a teacher.....)
Most of my friends have pretty similar backgrounds to me....no matter what their ethnicity. Typical middle class, two parent household types......
I did not realize it until much later. Pretty much ever good friend of mine in my entire life has this experience. And for the vast majority, their biological parents are still happily married. It is very strange as I take a step back to analyze it.
I seriously only have a couple of exceptions to the rule:
1. a high school friend who had divorced parents, and dad lived 120 miles away (but came to visit every few weeks) -- roughly similar class
2. Another high school friend with divorced parents, but Dad was not in the picture. I think mom got alimony, because she did not work at all and had a nice lifestyle. She had a much more "entitled" attitude than I did or other friends. And I lost touch with her after graduation. She was a friend of convenience if you will, she lived in my neighborhood
3. A college friend whose parents divorced when she was 3, and her mom remarried when he was 5 or so. So her step dad is her dad. They are still married. And her dad is still in the picture as well.
4. One friend in high school, she came from a much poorer background than I did. Her parents are still married, but her dad is emotionally abusive, and she has limited contact with him.
And literally all of my other friends are middle class, and their parents have been married 30+ years. And oddly enough, I never make it past a few dates with someone who falls too far out of that sort of upbringing. A few people in my social circle are a little more upper middle class....or a little lower middle class, but everyone I tend to associate with grew up with the stability of a 2 parent household.
I've had really atrocious luck dating guys who make significantly less than I do, although I'm open to the possibility in the right situation (i.e., a guy who is a high school teacher rather than a 40 year old guy who lives in his grandmother's basement.)
Something interesting I've noticed is how many times I've either met someone or have begin talking to a guy, but he gets really uncomfortable about the fact that I make more than he does. (No, I don't go around blurting out the details of my finances to everyone. But it's pretty easy to read between the lines during generic "and what do you do for a living?" chit-chat, or to make assumptions based on my employer or even the neighborhood I live in.)
Not sure if the issue is that they're worried I have plans to quit my job and have them support me in the manner to which I am accustomed (seriously?), or if they are concerned I must be judging them, or what.
They're likely concerned you're judging them. I transitioned into a blue collar occupation a couple years ago, by choice mind you, and even though I still make decent money and nobody's taken my college education away, it nags at me sometimes that my female contemporaries...women I find attractive and place roughly in the same neighborhood of the social strata, will have an "Eww" reaction to me because if it. Men can be very vain and ego-driven when comes to careers and income, but it has a lot to do with how we think women see us because of it.
In the last week I've seen a lot of comments suggesting that men and women should pursue partners who are within their social class. More specifically the suggestion is that they pursue partners whose income is close to that of their own. This seems to be more common regarding men seeking women who earn more than they do, but there those who apply the same concept to women who seek men with higher incomes.
This is a conceptual equivalent to "dating within your league" which focuses more on the physical aspect of dating and attraction. That argument typically goes something like, "An overweight or homely person should pursue only other overweight and homely people." I personally find this line of reasoning absurd, but the idea has its supporters here on the forum. And in the interest of good dialogue, I'll ask the same question, but as it relates to social class rather than physical appearance.
So what is the defense for this line of reasoning? For those who defend this idea, what are your arguments supporting it? For those who disagree, what are the best arguments opposing it?
Whether people should or shouldn't is a matter of opinion. The line of reasoning is that it's what people tend to do. If you review marriage stats you will find people of similar education, income, culture, religion, and appearance tend to marry. It's natural.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
I think there are a lot of delusional people saying that. There are the poverty-stricken, there are one-percenters, there are two-percenters, and then there's the rest of us. The folks who think there is a huge disparity between someone one who makes $85K and someone who makes $50K are missing the forest for the trees. Newsflash: You're all middle-class.
I agree that there is no difference between 50 and 85k, although more it's more involved than this little bit of income.
Whether people should or shouldn't is a matter of opinion. The line of reasoning is that it's what people tend to do. If you review marriage stats you will find people of similar education, income, culture, religion, and appearance tend to marry. It's natural.
This is essentially the conclusion I've reached having read the responses to my question. I see this trend as a matter of preference rather than a rule. Date whoever it is you want to date. I suppose most people want to date within their comfort zone which essentially equates to those within a certain distance of their own social class.
They're likely concerned you're judging them. I transitioned into a blue collar occupation a couple years ago, by choice mind you, and even though I still make decent money and nobody's taken my college education away, it nags at me sometimes that my female contemporaries...women I find attractive and place roughly in the same neighborhood of the social strata, will have an "Eww" reaction to me because if it. Men can be very vain and ego-driven when comes to careers and income, but it has a lot to do with how we think women see us because of it.
Opposite here, Blue collar roots, started out wrenching on cars due to needing a job to make money out of high school. Eventually earned my Engineering degree while working and ended up in the Aerospace biz.
I would date a woman of most any social class if she is bright and doesn't have mental issues.
Opposite here, Blue collar roots, started out wrenching on cars due to needing a job to make money out of high school. Eventually earned my Engineering degree while working and ended up in the Aerospace biz.
I would date a woman of most any social class if she is bright and doesn't have mental issues.
You and I sound very similar. My family is as blue collar as you can get without being a member of a union! My wife's family is white collar, but very down to earth white collar. I have a master's degree and am a military officer, which can be considered blue or white collar depending on the duty location. Right now I'm definitely in a more white collar environment.
I actually agree, but for the sake of discussion will use income as a proxy for social class.
Actually I think this discussions focus on income is misguided.
For the subject of relationships and compatibility, I think that education level is the better indicator. This much more than approximate income level more accurately predicts the relative cultural, intellectual and "class" commonality between any two individuals.
I personally find that I connect much better with and attract women who are university educated, and have a strong preference for women who possess this. I happen to notice that they tend to be even more attracted to me if they were also raised by university educated parents in educated upper-middle class communities, but this latter trait is not a preference of mine just something I notice.
This is essentially the conclusion I've reached having read the responses to my question. I see this trend as a matter of preference rather than a rule. Date whoever it is you want to date. I suppose most people want to date within their comfort zone which essentially equates to those within a certain distance of their own social class.
Yea, comfort zone plays a role. Then religion comes in for some, culture for others, level of education. Proximity is obviously important. Many of my colleagues are married to people in the same industry. That's even the case with my husband. We not only have similar levels of education, but we studied similar material. It's nice. I can talk to him about my work and he'll understand what I'm saying (and vice versa).
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