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I would use any means necessary to not have a child. There would be no "just happened".
I am not worried about a break up. I want to move on if he decides it is something he wants, but I would prefer to stay with him since I have been with him for almost 4 years. I also want to move in with him, but I don't want to do so until he is certain.
Hey, I'm with you (somewhat, I'm open minded if I met the right guy, but pretty much not wanting to be a biological mom.) on the there will be no "just happened".
Maybe you should look at other aspects of your relationship and put the kid decision on the back burner temporarily. He's not committing to an answer just yet and maybe that's ok. 30 is young for a male on this issue. What do you want in a partner? What do you like about him? Do you have other concerns about him besides this issue? What are YOUR ideas on how quickly thing should move forward? (4 years and not living together yet? I believe you said you don't want marriage so what level of commitment do you want?) Do you want someone to "grow old" with and are you , in your opinion , at an age where you think it is wise to start planning who that might be? Are you thinking he might be that person? And getting back to the kid issue, if you temporarily back burner it, when do YOU need an answer regarding his decision to comfortably continue on with this man? Hopefully these questions help you sort out what YOU need to do for yourself. What is best for you? Take care and I wish you the best
All I want is to know if there is a possibility. I can make a decision based on that. He wont even give me that.
But he has given you that. By saying he doesn't know, there IS the possibility. That is saying he may, or; may not, want children. He doesn't know now, he thinks he will know in the next couple years.
Not sure why you keep saying he won't give you a straight answer. He has.
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But he has given you that. By saying he doesn't know, there IS the possibility. That is saying he may, or; may not, want children. He doesn't know now, he thinks he will know in the next couple years.
Not sure why you keep saying he won't give you a straight answer. He has.
Because (like I said) he flip flops. One week he's adamant he doesn't want those things the next "he doesn't know". Sometimes he defiantly doesn't want kids but wants marriage. Sometimes its the other way around. Sometimes it's neither. Since about the summer of last year.
Depends on the week I catch him on.
Sometimes he has amnesia and thinks I'm crazy-that he never said it was even a possibility.
Findly... it's a deal breaker for you. He can't/won't give you a definitive answer. Take that as a possible yes. Therefore, you DO NOT mingle your finances, purchase a house, move in with him. Tell him that you will not be doing any of that. Then you decide how much longer you want to remain in a relationship that you don't know where it is headed.
If I were in your place, I'd be saying buh-bye. None of this crap of "letting you go." That's just an excuse not to take responsibility for your share in the relationship.
I always dated women who were able to have kids, and were maybe looking to have kids in the future.
I always avoided women who couldn't have kids.
It's different in my case. I can have kids but refused to (will be turning 26 next month). Luckily there are more men that don't want kids.
What is harder is finding one that wants a childfree marriage. Either the man doesn't want either of them or wants both.
OP if you want a clear answer and he is stringing you along with the ''maybe I want kids, I'm not sure'', don't waste any more time with him. Find what you're looking for.
He's turning 30 y/o. He "doesn't know" if he wants to have children or not. You can't (or don't want) to bear his children. My opinion is that he generally doesn't want to have children with you, but he's either still thinking about it or probably wishes to have them one day, and that probably won't be you.
I think by 30 you would know if you want marriage and kids, or not. It's not like you're too young to think about those things.
As others have said, his flip-flopping is a very good indication that he does want all that but can't admit it out loud for fear of losing you. He's not doing you any favors by not being honest, and I hope he's not holding out hoping you'll change your mind. 4 years is a long time to invest in something that's not headed in the direction you want it to go. I wish you good luck with these tough decisions.
Just a thought if men want kids. They should look at this study conducted in 2010.
Male Fertility, Age and Strong Swimmers
In the study, they found that, overall, semen quantity peaked between the ages of 30 and 35, while overall semen quantity was found to be lowest after age 55.They also found that sperm motility – in other words, how well the sperm swim – was best before age 25 and lowest after age 55. In fact, when comparing the number of “good swimming” sperm in men between the ages 30 to 35 with men over age 55, sperm motility decreased by 54%.
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