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IMHO, most women have a minimum standard of what is expected from "their man". That means that they will likely hold off until they find MR. Right. It also means that they may well find out that he is or has become MR. Wrong, and that means they will be on the look out for a new one, or she will be trying to improve, and upgrade him till he meets her expectations. Yes its, pretty cold, but its a myth that women are any more feeling or caring than the average man. If anything, they might even be colder.
I just started online dating... on Match. About a week and a half ago. It's been interesting to say the least.
I am a woman and I kind of have to be picky now because I just don't have the time. I wouldn't say shallow, just picky. I get too many winks, e-mails, etc. I had to turn off IMs. I have three dates this weekend with three different men too. I am maxed out on dates so I have to turn down anyone else at this point... there is more to my life than dating (heck, I have yardwork to do this weekend too at some point and a friend coming from out of town who wants to grab lunch and catch up). I just can't keep up with all the winks, e-mails, etc... so I've had to become picky and limit replies.
I do have some expectations of course. I won't even reply to men who don't live in my area, are way out of my stated age range, or immediately start sending lewd messages. I hate smoking and don't consider smokers. I also look at men's profiles and when they send me a e-mail asking to go out, but I look at their profile and it says they want an skinny, 5'4" redhead with green eyes... and I am more of an average sized, 5'7" blonde with blue eyes... I kind of wonder if they are even serious and probably won't respond. And yes, I was contacted by a man who specifically spelled out hair and eye color that wasn't my own in his profile. If he only likes redheads, fine, but why bother contacting me?
It's not that I am rejecting others out of being shallow... it's just that I have to draw a line somewhere. I can't go out with every man who contacts me. I am a person with a real life, job, family and friends, house to take care of, not a 24/7 dating service.
Let me twist things around a bit to offline. Right now I still have very strong feelings for a friend of mine. He's not 6' tall, he's 5'8". He's also 13 years older than me. Kind of quiet... the shy guy. To be honest, he's not really the most physically attractive man, but he is attractive to me. He's kind and so attentive and we have a lot of common interests from hobbies to TV shows to taste in food and books. But he calls me "young lady" and the like and tries to "set me up" with other men he knows. So I am pretty sure he isn't interested in me and is looking for someone not 13 years his junior--because he is looking. We have so much in common and get along so it's probably age that's the difference to him or maybe I am just not his type physically. But I wouldn't call that shallow--he's not shallow. It's just what he prefers and no one can really help their preferences. It just is.
EDIT: Going back to the Match thing. I think the main reason I am getting so much activity right now is because I am new. Now that the scam artists have finally simmered down a bit, I am getting more "real" messages and such--but less messages in general. At this point, I haven't even bothered to reach out to a man that hasn't contacted me first with a wink or message. But I am guessing soon I will start searching.
Online dating (which I REFUSE to refer to as "OLD") hasn't made me more shallow by changing who I fundamentally AM. However, I will say there are guys I pass over online based on their photos, whereas if I was encountering them in real life I might give them a fighting chance.
That said, there are guys I would probably never have paid attention to IRL who drew my attention online based on the content of their profiles and the commonalities I found there.
Online dating is just another form of dating, with drawbacks and pluses all its own.
Look its very basic reasoning. If a person has a large pool of items to choose from, you can afford to be more selective. But if the pool of available items is small, then you can't be very selective. For example. When they first started making computers, the average person had very few choices, so you picked the best one for your needs. It probably didn't do what you wanted it to do entirely, but you're choices were very limited. Fast forward 30 years and now you have tons of choices. Now you can afford to be more selective. Its going to be the same thing with picking a partner/spouse etc.
Majority of men will never say height is a dealbreaker, women will.
Majority of men will never say money/job is a dealbreaker, women will.
Majority of men will never say looks is a dealbreaker, women will.
Majority of men will never say education is a dealbreaker, women will.
I don't know who you know, but among people I know men have standards. For instance, I wouldn't date a woman I don't think looks good, and no education is not good either. I am also very picky on weight, and I kind of need her to be interested is the topics I am interested in. Everyone got standards.
But seriously guys, stay away from online dating. Of course the girls are going to be picky when they get messages every single day from desperate guys. Its a waste of time. If you are social you will meet plenty of girls around where you live, and they will be less picky.
I think online dating can be really a great thing, IF and only IF you use it to implement your real life dating, and approaching men/women as you would prior to the online dating craze.
There is strong anecdotal evidence that online dating has skewed male/female ratios; that is, males greatly outnumbering females. Is this is fact true? I don't know, but personally I'm inclined to believe it.
The result is a "market" favoring women. Neither gender is free from shallowness, crass and superficial dismissal of potential candidates, foolish criteria and so forth. What a skewed market does is to allow the gender enjoying the greater advantage to indulge in the worst of its lower nature. Turn the tables, and the result will be perfectly symmetric.
My own experience in online dating has been a low return on investment, in the sense of extensive time/effort expended on writing witty, articulate messages, and receiving parlously rare responses. However, I have enjoyed the literary opportunity and have turned the dating-game into a writing-game, enjoying the chance to write to women as an audience for my literary efforts instead of necessarily as dating prospects. The compiled result will hopefully form a book.
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