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That is scary but yep I have read many stats like that. We need to stop glamorizing single parenthood.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about blaming people, shaming people, or pointing a finger. It’s about trying to help as many people as possible live a better life. Yes, it’s better to become a single mother than to abort the baby and, yes, a child is a wonderful thing, but how many parents are hoping their child gets pregnant at 17? Most people wouldn’t wish that on their worst enemy. We need to do a better job of communicating that, we need to stop promoting single motherhood like it’s the most wonderful thing in the world, and we need to start talking more realistically and openly about what we can do to discourage single motherhood as a society.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about blaming people, shaming people, or pointing a finger. It’s about trying to help as many people as possible live a better life. Yes, it’s better to become a single mother than to abort the baby and, yes, a child is a wonderful thing, but how many parents are hoping their child gets pregnant at 17? Most people wouldn’t wish that on their worst enemy. We need to do a better job of communicating that, we need to stop promoting single motherhood like it’s the most wonderful thing in the world, and we need to start talking more realistically and openly about what we can do to discourage single motherhood as a society.
There are things that need to be done and number one really promote the idea they shouldn't be having sex as teens. It's hard to do but has to be done. Also need to stop making it look wonderful like on Teen Mom.
If a man gets a woman pregnant and leaves here while she is pregnant in a boyfriend girlfriend situation, what is your opinion of that man?
It absolutely, 100 percent depends on the situation. It's very easy to put up a scenario like this with no additional detail and ask for an evaluation of this man's character, but that's unrealistic.
The immediate gut reaction is that he's a foul excuse for a human being, how DARE he abandon this woman during not only her time of need, but based on his obvious and egregious participation in having impregnated her!
Aaaah, but you see THAT reaction is because the majority of people are incapable of critical thought, AND because nearly 5 billion years of evolution have wired us to care for our women over our men when it comes to reproductive value (not rights, but value, so don't try to play that card: "I'll put my four hundred collective years of disdain for women against your nearly 5 billion ANY day, you jerk!"). A pregnant woman is to be defended and cared for; it's pretty automatic with us.
How did she get pregnant?
Is it his?
Did he literally abandon her, or did she contribute to his leaving? Did she throw him out and is just telling all her girlfriends what an irresponsible and cruel-hearted jerk he is and how he's worthless?
Is this typical of his behaviour, or egregiously out of character? What are the underlying conditions?
Was this a planned pregnancy?
Has he abandoned by disappearing, or has he said he needed a couple of days apart and "abandoned" is HER term?
Did he leave before anyone knew she was pregnant? I've seen lots of actions "go back in time" according to whim, so it's a valid question.
Some of these set people off with finger-pointing and screaming and blaming.
Oh-damned-well...
Always remember: If we don't like her, she got pregnant. If we don't like him, he got her pregnant.
That is scary but yep I have read many stats like that. We need to stop glamorizing single parenthood.
I don't think it comes down to glamorizing. The issue is far more complicated than that. Perhaps I'm missing something, but where in the world is the 17 year old lily speaks of glamorized and by who?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
At the end of the day, this isn’t about blaming people, shaming people, or pointing a finger. It’s about trying to help as many people as possible live a better life. Yes, it’s better to become a single mother than to abort the baby and, yes, a child is a wonderful thing, but how many parents are hoping their child gets pregnant at 17? Most people wouldn’t wish that on their worst enemy. We need to do a better job of communicating that, we need to stop promoting single motherhood like it’s the most wonderful thing in the world, and we need to start talking more realistically and openly about what we can do to discourage single motherhood as a society.
Who is promoting it and how for these teens? As far as irresponsible teen sex goes- the first thought that comes to my mind is that the very groups most interested in halting teen sex that results in pregnancy are also against handing out free birth control. No?
I don't think it comes down to glamorizing. The issue is far more complicated than that. Perhaps I'm missing something, but where in the world is the 17 year old lily speaks of glamorized and by who?
Who is promoting it and how for these teens? As far as irresponsible teen sex goes- the first thought that comes to my mind is that the very groups most interested in halting teen sex that results in pregnancy are also against handing out free birth control. No?
I don't know. It depends.
Glorifying Single Mothers.
July 2, 2012 by Staff
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns
(ThyBlackMan.com) Before I get to the point of my article, let me state my disclaimer. Ahem. “I am in no way attacking Single Mothers, (majority of my life I have been a single Mother,) I am fully aware that Single Mothers have the capability to raise successful and responsible children that can positively contribute to society.
Now with that being said, Nia Long and her two sons are featured on the cover of Essence Magazine and the caption reads “Single, Satisfied & Raising Her Boys.” With almost 80% of children in our community in single parent households (primarily being raised by single women) what type of message does this send?
When Nia Long was a guest on the View, she was asked about being a single mother. Her response was that being a single mother was ok, because she was raised by a single mother herself. Again this is NOT an attack on Single Mothers; obviously Nia’s mother was very influential in her life, especially when it comes to motherhood. This comes back to our responsibilities as Mothers. It’s apparent that because she was raised by a single Mother, she had no qualms about becoming a single mother herself.
It seems that it is becoming more and more commonplace to have fathers excluded from the family dynamic. What happened to teaching our children the importance of family, one that consists of a husband and wife? I have three children, and I am very aware that everything that I do effects them now, and may affect the decisions they make later in life. I can’t tell my daughters and son the importance of marriage if they constantly see me as a single mother; again I have to BE the best example for them. I understand that we don’t want to subject our children to any and everybody, and after having numerous failed marriages or relationships we might be reluctant to open our mind and hearts to the idea of marriage again, and that’s understandable. That is why self-analysis and HEALING is key to moving forward.
As Mothers, by embodying this “Strong, Single Mother Image” are we ultimately planting the seed in the minds of our daughters that being a single mother is ok? Are our actions being nestled in their subconscious as a guide to conduct herself when she becomes an adult? As much as we say we don’t want our children to repeat our mistakes or follow in our footsteps, will “glorifying single motherhood” solidify that her journey will be the same as ours? What about our sons? By proudly boasting that the “single mothers are holding it down”, are we relaying a message to our son that the presence of a man isn’t needed or desired in the family structure?
I know many single mothers are not necessarily single by choice; many factors come in to play, I am not disregarding that at all. However, where does accountability come in to play? What about those that we CHOSE to lie down with, and reproduce with, without really taking the time to know them? What about children that are conceived in lust because we had to fulfill a desire? Where was OUR responsibility and discipline BEFORE conception?
It seems like marriage is becoming unpopular while the roles of Baby Mama and Baby Daddy become more pronounced in our community. This generation has no desire to get married, because WE haven’t instilled the desire in them. We haven’t taught them the beauty and sacredness of marriage. This is the generation that cheered when Fantasia announced her pregnancy with a married man. This is the generation that WE have produced. When we glorify single mothers, what we really do is glorify broken homes, imbalance, having children out of wedlock, and place the woman on an “I can do this all by myself/I don’t need a man” pedestal.
I am here to tell you, there is NOTHING glamorous about the single life. There are many rewards that come with being a mother, this can’t be denied, but being a single Mother is NOTHING to wear like a badge of honor. Being a single mother is NOTHING to promote. Being a single mother is NOTHING to advertise, being a single mother is nothing that our daughters should strive to be.
In a previous edition of essence, Nia Long was asked about the rumors circulating that she was married; she stated that “marriage is not a priority”. Now based on the number of children in our community that are born out of wedlock, it seems that marriage isn’t even an OTPTION, much less a priority, but being a Baby Mama or Baby Daddy seems to be number one on our “to do” list. “Single, Satisfied & Raising Her Boys” gives the illusion that Single Motherhood is something to celebrate, maybe to some this might be inspirational, to some this might serve as motivation, but again with almost 80% of children in our community raised by single mothers is NOTHING to celebrate or promote.
Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 04-15-2013 at 05:10 AM..
It absolutely, 100 percent depends on the situation. It's very easy to put up a scenario like this with no additional detail and ask for an evaluation of this man's character, but that's unrealistic.
The immediate gut reaction is that he's a foul excuse for a human being, how DARE he abandon this woman during not only her time of need, but based on his obvious and egregious participation in having impregnated her!
Aaaah, but you see THAT reaction is because the majority of people are incapable of critical thought, AND because nearly 5 billion years of evolution have wired us to care for our women over our men when it comes to reproductive value (not rights, but value, so don't try to play that card: "I'll put my four hundred collective years of disdain for women against your nearly 5 billion ANY day, you jerk!"). A pregnant woman is to be defended and cared for; it's pretty automatic with us.
How did she get pregnant?
Is it his?
Did he literally abandon her, or did she contribute to his leaving? Did she throw him out and is just telling all her girlfriends what an irresponsible and cruel-hearted jerk he is and how he's worthless?
Is this typical of his behaviour, or egregiously out of character? What are the underlying conditions?
Was this a planned pregnancy?
Has he abandoned by disappearing, or has he said he needed a couple of days apart and "abandoned" is HER term?
Did he leave before anyone knew she was pregnant? I've seen lots of actions "go back in time" according to whim, so it's a valid question.
Some of these set people off with finger-pointing and screaming and blaming.
Oh-damned-well...
Always remember: If we don't like her, she got pregnant. If we don't like him, he got her pregnant.
To start, I'm a little confused by your post. If you did not write it, you should quote it with the source linked at the top or bottom. I'm not sure if they are your words or not. Second, I would exercise caution when posting blogs and using them as a source. Blogs are unreliable opeds. For example, I think these numbers are off. While single parent households are very high, 80% of single parent households are headed by women, but 80% of children are not raised in single parent households. Source A ; Source B. Please, correct me if I am not reading the data right and have that wrong. Third, I don't know what she means by "our community". Are you, or her, speaking about the black community? That's one community, sure, but it's not ours nor does represent the diversity found on this forum. As I mentioned, I don't see it as something glamorized. Although, given that I may not be a member of this particular community, and that I'm not a young person/teen, I just may not be exposed to any glamorizing. What I see on this forum, instead, is quite a bit of trash talk and shaming towards single moms, not the other way around. What I see in my own community is a different thing all together and it's quite apparent to me why SES is a huge player in this issue.
To get back to my original question, since this issue is complicated with a number of variables, broad brush assumptions and answers don't seem like a good fit. Again, I could be totally wrong. Maybe the vast majority of single mom's are impoverished teens and perhaps there is great glorification going on that needs to be addressed. The issue I take is that the glorification examples I've seen don't fit with that group. I think that was apparent with the Murphy Brown analogy brought up earlier.
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