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I suppose I haven't since I still have some hope that women outside of where I live are different, but if I live where I am for the rest of my life, I won't find any woman for me.
For the most part, I have a kid to take care of. Aside from my full time job, she's part time and weekends with no overtime (time for myself).
More specifically, and not to make my daughter the only excuse, but I'm finding it be really tough to date outside of the above time constraints. I haven't dated sense I broke up with my ex, a little over nine years, and things have changed quite a bit.
In exactly one month, I will be 59. I decided after years and years of the futile and frustrating search, I will no longer seek a partner/companion/lover/spouse.
A few weeks ago I pulled all my listings and "profiles" off the dating websites.
Please do not misunderstand me. I am not bitter. I am not angry. I maybe just a little disappointed, but I'm a big boy and I can handle that. You see, I set high standards for myself. In my adult life there were several who were interested in me and pursued me, but the feeling was just not mutual. There was one or two I was madly in love with, but my feelings were not reciprocated. (Karma I guess). My mother always told me it was best for young people before 30 to get married because after that people "people get set in their ways." I have become set in my ways. I enjoy my life, my friends, my travels around the world, restoring my big old Victorian house.
Now, however, my anthem is "I'll Say Goodbye To Love" which was so poignantly sung by the late Karen Carpenter:
"I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
... and all I know of love is how to live without it ... "
In exactly one month, I will be 59. I decided after years and years of the futile and frustrating search, I will no longer seek a partner/companion/lover/spouse.
A few weeks ago I pulled all my listings and "profiles" off the dating websites.
Please do not misunderstand me. I am not bitter. I am not angry. I maybe just a little disappointed, but I'm a big boy and I can handle that. You see, I set high standards for myself. In my adult life there were several who were interested in me and pursued me, but the feeling was just not mutual. There was one or two I was madly in love with, but my feelings were not reciprocated. (Karma I guess). My mother always told me it was best for young people before 30 to get married because after that people "people get set in their ways." I have become set in my ways. I enjoy my life, my friends, my travels around the world, restoring my big old Victorian house.
Now, however, my anthem is "I'll Say Goodbye To Love" which was so poignantly sung by the late Karen Carpenter:
"I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
... and all I know of love is how to live without it ... "
Hey, I'll be 59 in June and enjoy world travel and restoring Victorian houses. I HAD given up for the last 6 years...but too bad you live on the other coast.
Just kidding. I feel very much the same way. At this point in my life I enjoy my friends, my young adult son (who lives in another state), traveling, and my hobbies. My marriage left me feeling constantly stressed and on edge as if walking on eggshells all the time. I, too, don't feel bitter or angry. On the contrary, living alone is a relief.
Well... Clark... I don't know what to say to you... you seem like a hell of a guy.... and I can't understand why you haven't met your match... I've read your postings for a while now and you strike me as a real solid guy... I'm really sorry it hasn't happened for you....
Hey, I'll be 59 in June and enjoy world travel and restoring Victorian houses. I HAD given up for the last 6 years...but too bad you live on the other coast.
Just kidding. I feel very much the same way. At this point in my life I enjoy my friends, my young adult son (who lives in another state), traveling, and my hobbies. My marriage left me feeling constantly stressed and on edge as if walking on eggshells all the time. I, too, don't feel bitter or angry. On the contrary, living alone is a relief.
My travels have taken me to 85-90 countries on six continents. One memorable trip was a "grand tour" for 3 1/2 months throughout India, Nepal and Tibet back in 2006. The house is a three story "French Second Empire" 120 year old Victorian with six bedrooms.
Back on topic: I told the other guys in my group that not pursing a relationship at this point had a surprisingly liberating effect on me. There is almost a Buddhist lesson to be learned here ... that yearning and craving is a form of suffering, and letting go of those dreams have put me in a more serene place.
After I divorced it was about 8 years before I met my husband now, in that time I dated but not really seriously and thank goodness those I dated were not looking for serious relationships either so no one was hurt. We just went out to have some human contact and a little fun with the opposite sex. I never gave up on finding love I just waited until I met the right guy to even think about having a serious relationship with.
Well... Clark... I don't know what to say to you... you seem like a hell of a guy.... and I can't understand why you haven't met your match... I've read your postings for a while now and you strike me as a real solid guy... I'm really sorry it hasn't happened for you....
Thanks, Chowhound. When I went to my 40 year High School reunion last year it was with a sense that I am very pleased with the way my life turned out. I mentioned my travels and my house - which, incidentally won an award from the University City Historical Society for the restoration work I've been doing just this last February; and will be featured on a House Tour on May 19th of historic homes in my neighborhood.
My attitude is this: we don't always get everything we want in life. Don't cry over spilled milk. Just get on with your life.
I was always a very romantic person. I think I was greatly influenced by all those Hollywood Movies, all those love songs and poems, Broadway plays, TV, etc. about love. For more than 40 years a lot of my focus was on finding love. Yes I feel a sense of liberation, but I cannot deny I feel just a wee bit depressed about it as well. It's a cliche, but if life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
I'm no where near 50. But I will most likely have to settle for a friends w/ benefits arrangements. No man wants to be seen out in public with me or take me anywhere.
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