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I dunno, I think as I've gotten older I see more value in having a family and children as opposed to just being selfish and thinking of only myself? Maybe I've been late to mature? Maybe I've been scared to meet the one and get "locked down" and when I was younger I saw being married as being trapped, but I don't really view it that way anymore.
Like guys trying to get laid from 18 throught their 20's and woman ignoring them, now you know how it feels.
LOL funny so true. Wanted to rep you but I cant. Any how this happens to countless of careerist type women throughout the professional world. By time they reach mid to late 30s it becomes a race against time, this is what happens when they chase the guys who have the best of everything who do not want to settle down. This leaves them with a couple of options like the boring Mr. Nice guy or a the Bad boy who will give you a baby but wont be in the babies life.
I dunno, I think as I've gotten older I see more value in having a family and children as opposed to just being selfish and thinking of only myself? Maybe I've been late to mature? Maybe I've been scared to meet the one and get "locked down" and when I was younger I saw being married as being trapped, but I don't really view it that way anymore.
Do you equate not having a family to being selfish?
I find this interesting because I'm at the other end of the spectrum and never want to get married or have kids, while most women know from early on that they want to or not, normally men are the ones that come to that realization later in life-because they have the luxury to-we do not.
Do you equate not having a family to being selfish?
I find this interesting because I'm at the other end of the spectrum and never want to get married or have kids, while most women know from early on that they want to or not, normally men are the ones that come to that realization later in life-because they have the luxury to-we do not.
oh, no. I equate ME not wanting a family to ME wanting being selfish when I was younger. But I don't think others are being selfish if they choose not to have kids. Not everyone is going to want children.
LOL funny so true. Wanted to rep you but I cant. Any how this happens to countless of careerist type women throughout the professional world. By time they reach mid to late 30s it becomes a race against time, this is what happens when they chase the guys who have the best of everything who do not want to settle down. This leaves them with a couple of options like the boring Mr. Nice guy or a the Bad boy who will give you a baby but wont be in the babies life.
Yep, she made her bed and now she is having to sleep in it and she does not like it. The fear is kicking in, maybe she will get lucky and find some tool who will give her a baby whom she can neglect when she had hot sex with the bad boy through out her 20's.
Maybe this guy that agrees to be with her will get in a car accident and wont have to live out the impending doom that is to come for him. How much sex do you think this tool will be getting when she is pregnant and after she has the kid
Originally Posted by NilaJones @OP, I have a radical suggestion for you.
I think a lot of what makes relationships difficult in the modern era is that we look for one person to fit a multitude of functions in our lives -- romantic partner, financial/retirement-planning/mortgage partner, co-parent, etc.
What if you just find yourself a co-parent? A guy who wants kids, whose parenting style and general life choices you respect, a good person. Get a lawyer to draw up a contract stating rights and responsibilities for both of you, and make a kid with him and a turkey baster. If you end up wanting to date and/or move in together that's cool, but if you don't, or if you do for a while and then stop, that's all cool, too. The co-parenting is the main relationship. Take the pressure off the rest. Maybe marry someone else.
What do you think?
Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife2
If she finds a guy that agrees to that, send me his name and address and I will buy a plane ticket to beat him to death to put him out of his misery. Good lord.
Have you never met a guy who wants kids as badly as Violett does? Are you under 40? I've known more men like that than women. And they are even more distraught, because they don't have the option of bearing a child alone, like a woman does.
So if Violett finds a guy who wants kids that intensely, and the guy can bang whoever he wants whenever he wants, can live with Violett or not as he chooses, and is guaranteed never to have to contribute more financially than he chooses at the outset... how is it that you have a problem with that? To me it seems like a PUAs wet dream.
As my grandmother always said about business: You make your deals going in. I'm suggesting she get a little more business-like about co-parenting. And, lo, one guy has already pm'd her to apply for the contract.
Have you never met a guy who wants kids as badly as Violett does? Are you under 40? I've known more men like that than women. And they are even more distraught, because they don't have the option of bearing a child alone, like a woman does.
So if Violett finds a guy who wants kids that intensely, and the guy can bang whoever he wants whenever he wants, can live with Violett or not as he chooses, and is guaranteed never to have to contribute more financially than he chooses at the outset... how is it that you have a problem with that? To me it seems like a PUAs wet dream.
As my grandmother always said about business: You make your deals going in. I'm suggesting she get a little more business-like about co-parenting. And, lo, one guy has already pm'd her to apply for the contract.
I guess, but after reading that so many guys are tools, how many of these guys are going to have women throwing themselves at him. I personally just want one woman thats going to give me all the sex I want because I dont have women throwing themselves at me. But that one woman I find I dont settle on as far as sex acts and frequency. I cant take a chance with kids becuase a guy like me would be hosed if I were left and had baby mama drama.
Most guys need to be more careful than they are, most guys dont have women throwing themselves at them so having a "hall pass" does them no good.
You need to tell yourself that it is better to have the life that you have right now than being stuck with someone who is not even worth your life and imagine, having kids with such person will be more problematic. I think you need to let it go, focus on your career or whatever other things you can. I know it is easy to write advices here but trust me, you don't want to get into child custody fights and the divorce after rushing into a marriage that maybe you wouldn't do if you would have taken enough time to jump into it. My uncle did this thing, married a woman in his office because he though he was getting old and would never find another woman, today he is thrown out of his own house, divorced and is working somewhere abroad and is usually depressed and regrets his marriage rush. The kid stays with the mother.
Moral of the story: Go with the flow, there are plenty of people, take your time. Do what is best for you :-) Good luck!
Yep, she made her bed and now she is having to sleep in it and she does not like it. The fear is kicking in, maybe she will get lucky and find some tool who will give her a baby whom she can neglect when she had hot sex with the bad boy through out her 20's.
You are just, like, making stuff up. I did not have sex with "bad boys through out my 20s". I was in serious, monogamous relationships with good guys who just happened to not work out. You act like I deserve to not settle down with someone because my prior relationships did not work out, which really makes no sense to me.
As my grandmother always said about business: You make your deals going in. I'm suggesting she get a little more business-like about co-parenting. And, lo, one guy has already pm'd her to apply for the contract.
haha, it's like I asked a man to fall out of the sky and then he did...into my inbox. LOL
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